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Original poster

I hate our holiday and want to go home

841 replies

Backwoods57 · 30/03/2024 11:10

I need to rant.

Day 10 of a 13 day visit to the UK. We moved to the USA in 2014 and have to come back every year because MIL can't afford to visit us, and is scared of flying. We are in Aldershot/Farnham area. There is nothing to do apart from walk up and down dead high streets. Traffic is terrible, I smell the pollution and cigarette smoke everywhere.

If we don't come we get a massive guilt trip about MIL not seeing grandkids etc.

This trip cost $4000, we have done very little apart from visit family and sit in my SiL's cramped dirty messy house.

2 weeks of my 3 week vacation allowance has been thrown away. I have start working remotely for A. Something to do, and B so I can claim some vacation days back.

I miss my home, our dogs, I miss countryside and wildlife, I want my space back.....and tap water that doesn't taste like bleach.

OP posts:
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Zyq · 01/04/2024 16:11

LastSeenInSanFransisco · 30/03/2024 18:56

Yes Farnham is beautiful and charming, but if she's trapped in Aldershot, that is a very different matter indeed. Aldershot is Hampshire, Farnham is in Surrey.

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How is she trapped? No-one's suggesting she isn't allowed to leave the house. Even if she doesn't want to hire a car, public transport round there is pretty good.

silentassassin · 01/04/2024 16:11

Youdontevengohere · 01/04/2024 16:09

If only they had better rules against gun ownership.

Yes, its a bit concerning that someone who cant work out how to get public transport is in charge of a gun 🙄

Youdontevengohere · 01/04/2024 16:09

If only they had better rules against gun ownership.

Donsyb · 01/04/2024 15:26

TimeandMotion · 01/04/2024 10:05

Universal ones? Or just rules for specific buildings? (Which we have too).
These things are usually state-specific aren’t they?

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Yes state specific, and in some cases depends on whether building serves food or not.

Donsyb · 01/04/2024 15:25

CocoBellaSparkle · 01/04/2024 01:08

Just for ‘context’ where is now ‘home’ in the USA ? I only ask because if you’re now residing in a warm climate and with our crazy weather (I remeber easter in Uk being sunny and pleasant and sometimes even high 20s and blue skies!) but it’s been awful lately .. so I can imagine the weather having an added depressing factor on your ‘holiday’ if say you’re used to Hawaii or Las Vegas or California or Florida!

Lastly (forgive me if you’ve already said - I’m sleep deprived and lost my lovely new glasses!) but do you have DC? And if so were they born in the US? As if they were I can imagine this also being a depressing factor .. for they’re not going to take aldershot kindly (I’ve been there many times to visit my younger brother when he served in the army and my goodness it was utterly depressing .. boarded up shops , dirty pubs , people drinking blue coloured alcohol pop drinks down thr street .. lying on the pavements , getting late night greasy chicken cottage type ‘food’ or those elephant legs spinning around ‘kebab’ meats in polystyrene containers with greasy chips .. yuck!

Lastly surely you KNOW how awful this type of ‘vacation’ would be? I don’t understand why you’re posting this? You know your mil is an old difficult dinosaur , your SIL is messy in her dirty house ,, you know what aldershot is like! So WHY are you doing this? Why? Tell mil to do an online hypnotherapy course to get over flying .. even if your OH pays for her to figure you it’ll be a whole lot cheaper than £4K that’s for sure plus he can entertain her while you still work and you can save your precious and well deserved limited yearly weeks for holidays on something for you and your family!
Lastly if you still feel morally ‘obliged’ to visit them then you have to make them meet you half way .. you are NOT a taxi service for your lazy sil to pick up her kids (she has to cope somehow when you’re in the US so you don’t need to burden yourself)
you book a beautiful little place in say New Forest and they should make the effort to see you! And don’t come for weeks on end .. maybe 5 -7 days max then finish with a lovely trip to somewhere like Portugal just you and your own little family

Life is too short to ‘grin and bare it’ and do things the you don’t want to do or doesn’t make you happy

It it costs your peace of mind then nothing is worth it

She isn’t the taxi service for her SIL, it’s the other way round. She’s too cheap to hire a car, so her SIL has to drive around, but shock horror - she has to work it around school pick ups! 🤦‍♀️

Pomvit · 01/04/2024 13:19

Just be more organised an plan better activities ahead of time

SerafinasGoose · 01/04/2024 12:01

Shudahaddogs · 31/03/2024 20:21

Go back home lov...byeeeee!!!

By now, she likely has. OP has long since gone from this thread.

Not that I blame her.

notanother12 · 01/04/2024 11:57

LastSeenInSanFransisco · 30/03/2024 18:56

Yes Farnham is beautiful and charming, but if she's trapped in Aldershot, that is a very different matter indeed. Aldershot is Hampshire, Farnham is in Surrey.

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Well she said she was 'trapped in Aldershot/Farnham'. At worst a massive 5min train journey costing c£6 for the family...:)

Waitingforgeorge · 01/04/2024 11:38

TimeandMotion · 01/04/2024 10:05

Universal ones? Or just rules for specific buildings? (Which we have too).
These things are usually state-specific aren’t they?

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I don't know the specifics and I'm not invested enough to google 😁I feel for the OP in part because I recognise so much of the scenario having lived away from home for such a long time. She'll hopefully have learnt a few lessons from the experience as we all have had to do over the years. Returning home is rarely all it's cracked up to be - after all you left for a reason.

WisteriaLodge · 01/04/2024 11:30

LastSeenInSanFransisco · 30/03/2024 18:56

Yes Farnham is beautiful and charming, but if she's trapped in Aldershot, that is a very different matter indeed. Aldershot is Hampshire, Farnham is in Surrey.

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Yes but the distance between Farnham and Aldershot is only 3 miles even if they are in different counties....

TimeandMotion · 01/04/2024 10:05

Waitingforgeorge · 01/04/2024 10:00

There are laws banning smoking close to buildings too.

Show quote history

Universal ones? Or just rules for specific buildings? (Which we have too).
These things are usually state-specific aren’t they?

Waitingforgeorge · 01/04/2024 10:00

TimeandMotion · 01/04/2024 09:56

Can someone explain why there is apparently no cigarette smoke in the streets in the US? People smoke there too, and there are laws banning smoking inside. What’s the difference?

There are laws banning smoking close to buildings too.

TimeandMotion · 01/04/2024 09:56

Can someone explain why there is apparently no cigarette smoke in the streets in the US? People smoke there too, and there are laws banning smoking inside. What’s the difference?

Islandgirl68 · 01/04/2024 09:45

Yarbu, duty Holidays are not always fun. As your main cost is flights, instead of spending two weeks at family, do one week with family and one week just yourselves somewhere else. Have a week somewhere else in the UK, or head over to mainland Europe. And yiur husband should be more than capable of traveling on his own with his kids. Two weeks is too long.

mumindoghouse · 01/04/2024 09:37

PickledPurplePickle · 30/03/2024 11:14

There are loads of lovely areas to visit round there - get yourself out to Alice Holt Forest, Frensham Ponds or the New Forest

Frensham Ponds, Virginia Water, Windsor Great Park, Devil’s Punch Bowl all stunning and 40 min drive if that. Used to be Birdworld depending on age of kids, the canal out Frimley Green way.
Hope you can get out a bit

Delatron · 01/04/2024 09:09

Youdontevengohere · 31/03/2024 19:36

I’d take cigarette smoke over school shootings, but I guess we all have different priorities 🤷🏻‍♀️

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Well exactly. And I don’t remember the last time I smelt cigarette smoke here!

Can’t imagine loving living somewhere where you wonder if your child is going to get shot when you wave them off to school every day. Clearly desensitised by it all..

MrsGusset · 01/04/2024 08:47

I'm late to the thread but it's given me a good chuckle this morning.

Seems like OP is a dedicated Moaner. As such she seems to have arranged a perfect holiday for herself – a fortnight in Aldershot in March while staying with the in-laws. With bonus points for the outings to Woking and Fleet.

Might I suggest she ends her holiday with a day trip to Slough; that should round things off nicely.

Mummamap · 01/04/2024 08:43

we lived abroad for 15 years and so came back to visit every summer. Rent a cottage near family and friends. That way they can come and visit you. Hire a car, you can take yourself out for days if you feel like and you aren’t tied to anyone else’s schedule.
Yes, it is an expense to rent a house and hire a car but it just makes the time so much nice.
i looked forward to getting back to our accommodation, getting the kids to bed and cracking open a nice bottle of wine in total peace and quiet.

JFDIYOLO · 01/04/2024 08:43

Benjamin Franklin is credited with the saying 'guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.'

Never do this again. Your poor sister in law.

Time to pull yourselves together and be an adult.

I don't see any mention of ages - your MIL could be anywhere between 40 and 90 something, and that would have a strong effect on what you could all do.

Fear of flying can be totally crushing, not just a deliberate attempt to be irritating. So start with some compassion for her and for the SIL who has been saddled with you all.

You know the facts - your holiday time has been sacrificed to his family arrangements for too long.

It's a huge chunk of joint family money you're currently throwing down the drain.

So - what are you going to do next time, OP? And that could include having a word with yourself about not slagging off the country that's hosting you.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/presence-mind/201307/the-trouble-houseguests

The Trouble With Houseguests

Why houseguests, like fish, smell after three days.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/presence-mind/201307/the-trouble-houseguests

NoWordForFluffy · 01/04/2024 06:37

grinandslothit · 01/04/2024 00:37

You've been doing this for 10 years, even with small infants?

This is madness. I hope you see how selfish your MIL is? And so is your DH for putting up with it.

Have you ever had a nice holiday where you got to do something you wanted to do?

I'd draw the line in the sand about this for next holiday either your wet husband takes the kids by himself or the cheeky mare can figure out how to pop a Xanax and get on the fucking plane to come visit you.

She would've had a, what, 1 or 2 year break for Covid? So not every year for a decade.

Redpaisley · 01/04/2024 04:09

naffusername · 01/04/2024 01:41

You could have been describing my family of origin.

We emigrated in the 60s and we were expected to return. Didn't matter if it nearly caused my parent to divorce. Family had to see us. They expected us to provide duty free alcohol, cigarettes, and fulfill a list of things they wanted from Canada.

Family in the UK "couldn't afford the trip" . Did they really think my parents could afford to pay for four transatlantic flights and hire a car to take them around when we arrived?

Oh, and for the eco warriors complaining about hunting? Hunting keeps the animal population in control. Our province only offers a specific number of tags each season to help cull the herds. Why let facts and science stop a PETA dragging of OP

Why are you taking responsibility for controlling animal population in control? I am from India, the most populated country, also not as big as Canada, we don't take it upon ourselves to control animal population. Our planet is not just made for humans. You are giving excuses for indulging in a cruel hobby.

Redpaisley · 01/04/2024 04:03

Ebme · 30/03/2024 17:44

YABU, and kinda rude, to come on a British website to moan about how crap you think Britain is and how much better you think America is.

If you’re British then you know perfectly well that MIL could have caught a train to Paris to meet you for a citybreak at EuroDisney, or a ferry to elsewhere, or you could be driving her around the beauty spots of Europe just as easily as you drive 200 miles around the US.

The real problem here is that you’re living a high spec life in America but can only afford a very low spec holiday in Europe/UK, and apparently MIL can’t afford any holiday at all but is getting no financial help from her son.

Would be cheaper and more pleasant for all of you to meet MIL in anproper holiday spot. If she can’t fly then trains and boats exist.

Don't think Op is living a high spec life in the US. She is living in a cheaper rural area with good scenery and used to lower cost, camping in wilderness holidays.

High spec people can spare money for a car or local train tickets when they are already getting free accomodation on holiday.

theGooHasGone · 01/04/2024 04:03

You were the one who came on a holiday you knew was going to be shit because you've done it before - what did you expect?

This needed to be tackled by you standing up to your husband a long time before you left. Maybe he actually likes visiting the UK?

Either way you've wasted a lot of time now.

Frogpole · 01/04/2024 03:48

@Mothership4two It's Army slang for "complaining". Also - and this is going to sound entirely stupid - my ability to write anything even remotely witty or entertaining seems to have buggered off 😭Can I give you an IOU for a "proper" response tomorrow instead please?

echt · 01/04/2024 02:48

Catsmere · 31/03/2024 23:34

I'm sorry we never got to learn what the worst town in Victoria is ... ;)

I know what you mean.

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