I hate our holiday and want to go home

I don’t think this thread needs to descend into UK v US bashing. I do agree she could have worded her post better but I’ll put it to frustration.

as others have said it’s on her to make better plans next year rather than continue to do the same thing over and over and over for 10 years that clearly makes her unhappy.

Surely even though you have small children, they're going to absolutely love the train journey into London, and then a day seeing sights? There's no point just budgeting for the flights over from Maine, you also need to account for day trips, or more, round the UK and mainland Europe. If you can only afford to sit around in Aldershot, going nowhere, there's no point your making the trip, get your mil to pay for lovely holiday treats as you've made the effort to bring the whole family over to see her! As others have said, it seems as if you're determined not to enjoy it.

I didn't say it was and I do like the US but it doesn't have Castles or Stately homes and I would miss that. I live 1 mile from Arundel castle in Sussex, I can see it from my bedroom window and it's stunning, fun fact: lots of houses in the area have secret tunnels that lead directly to the castle itself, Oliver Cromwell and his army hid in the tunnels to launch a surprise attack at dawn on Royalist troops based at the Castle. I love that kind of history..

Why though? Do expats lose the ability to socialise wirh their alleged loved ones or something? If there's no majestic views or animals to shoot is it all just a disaster?

How sad. Some expats clearly need fo work on their people skills.

Train into London. Lots to do there.

“Lovely “ - exactly. I replied to the bit where you said they were “shit” by comparison.

You have two kids under 5! You’re in a great location! Legoland, Cheddington world of adventures, rhs wisley, painshill, Garson pick your own, Claremont gardens, cobham high street lovely for some quiet shopping, London trips to the museums, docklands have the sandpit, young v&a, the balloon/ bubble exhibition or whatever it’s called. Omg so much just go do something!

Sounds like you’ve decided to have a shitty time. Get a taxi to the station and go into London for the day.

As a former expat, I feel for you. One year we visited the in-laws and even my dh hated it. We ended up renting a cottage in Norfolk for the remainder of the trip. Could you pay to fly her out next year?

I am sympathetic to be cooped up with ILs in places I wouldn’t particularly choose for myself using up precious annual leave. I’ve had to do a fair bit of that, but I always negotiate boundaries. If they’re somewhere for a week, we’ll drop in for three days and then go on somewhere else.

I've just got back. Yesterday.

What a simply beautiful region. In some ways it reminds me of Norway (whose coastal regions, oddly enough, have something of a Maine vibe about them too). The western regions also have a lot of that warmth, friendliness and welcoming atmosphere that unfortunately is sadly lacking in many parts of England.

But accessible and easy to reach and travel around, it isn't. And you'd better pack properly. Four seasons in one day, howling, freezing winds and horizontal rain are the norm. And I don't even like to think what the midges must be like in summer.

I'd seriously consider living there if I thought I could hack 17 hours of darkness and possibly being cut off by weather conditions and an inadequate road network in the winter.

Aldershot is a horrible place, I understand if it's messing with her mental health, that is all.

Why is she trapped? Is that because she can’t be arsed to get the train anywhere? Or hire a car? Or get a taxi? Or do you actually think she’s been held there against her will?

America is where people go to reinvent themselves and build new lives. Sounds like that’s what you’ve done OP, and adopted a new lifestyle and a different set of values and priorities. That’s totally fair enough and I can see how you don’t want to be dragged back to be reminded of what you’ve left behind.

You don’t want to enjoy yourself or be here (as lots of PPs have said, there’s tons to do, you just don’t want to do them). So don’t come anymore. Let your husband take your kids over himself. Or let you MIL come to you (she needs to figure out how that works).

You are contributing towards food?

Pigeon pie. Wabbit stew.

It does have an incredible history; not least particular American-specific anxieties which its art and literature captures, and which British literature never could. We are different continents with very different cultures.

That a lot of US legend and folklore is not rooted in Western-centric discourses doesn't mean that a history does not exist. The history of the gilded age is also well worth reading into.

It's different, but different doesn't equal 'bad'.

Is MIL actually scared of flying or just wouldn't want to make the trip alone?

This!

The poor sil having to host this sour face. Can't afford rental so poor sil is taxi driver.

You are contributing towards food and petrol costs aren't you op?

Yes Farnham is beautiful and charming, but if she's trapped in Aldershot, that is a very different matter indeed. Aldershot is Hampshire, Farnham is in Surrey.

Farnham - oh the horror. How did you cope?

Tongham has such a gorgeous little cemetery too. Farnham is lovely, but Aldershot is terrible.

I live in Tongham and I'm not surprised you want to go home from Aldershot! It's so rough and just a disgusting dirty ghost town. It's nickname is Aldershit for a reason 😂 come to Tongham to the Hogs Back Brewery and get some lunch etc it's lovely this way x

Those voting YABU have clearly never been to Aldershot. It's a f-ing horrid place.

Shooting wild animals. What fun.

I feel sorry for your MIL. She's probably been telling her friends how excited she is to have her family and grandkids visit, and here's you without a good word to say for her.

I think you should make this your last trip. Your in laws are probably glad to see the back of you, and will likely relish the idea of visits with dad and kids, sans moaning faced calamity jane.

I've lived in Maine too, although I was in a coastal region, and I consider us both to be amongst the fortunate. The state has its setbacks, particularly the long, hard winters; but also its compensations. Mainers are a specific breed, and a sheer delight to live among, and I completely 'get' what you're saying about the wildlife. To this day I miss the tremolo calls of the loons and the spooky sound of the great horned owls hooting in the woods.

Necessity compelled me to come back and if I'd not done so I'd not have met DH nor had our DC. But I loved our time there (and knowing then what I know now, might have considered a permanent move there more seriously).

The UK and US both have their positives and negatives. Both, IMO, are great countries and I'm not computing the PPs who take your unhappiness when visiting your country of origin as some kind of personal affront.

I love the UK too; it's home. But in hindsight, given the way life here has panned out, I'd go back tomorrow if I could.