Cheeky Fckers

You're angry with her for taking advatage of you, I get that. But this takes two, after the first time when you agreed to do it again she recognised what she had in you. As others have said, this isn't friendship so you're not risking anything. I woudl get out in front of it. "I'm messaging to let you know that I won't be looking after your children anymore. Although this sounds harsh, you need to be aware that this will be the case even if you don't read or reply to this message letting me know that you recieved it, or if they show up on my doorstep I will simply not answer the door. I'm saying this because I can see that I haven't been clear with you previously."

The thing about CFs is that they have the thickest hides imaginable. You always have to say - clearly and unambiguously ‘No.’

It’s also best not to get into a discussion about that No. It’s like negotiating with a toddler: just don’t. Simple, clear messages.

No. I can’t babysit.

No. I am not available.

Don’t pussy foot around with apologies or explanations. Just ‘No.’ repeat as required.

And yes I'm a fcking softy

Your choice, OP

It doesn't really matter what message you send; she won't care about the inconvenience to you, only her own, so best cut this predator off and get on with your life without worrying about what she does

It is not that you are allowing it to happen but you need to have the phrases that others use to stop this behaviour occurring. So intervene now give her a ring, or text message and say the childminding is "not working for you". No pleasantries such as "maybe another time" or "next week" say "like I said it is not working for me" if she gives you a come back. She may well get angry, confrontational , cry but they are manipulative tactics to promote guilt within you.

Is she even a friend or just a ‘mum’ friend you met ay the school gates? Do you do anything together?

She's treating you like thus because you're letting her. Say no.

Aren’t you a little ray of sunshine.

Send this to her husband and parents as well as her…
just reminding you that you owe me $x for holiday club last year, $x for pizza, $x for babysitting weekly through the holidays and feeding your kids and $x at double time for dumping your kid on me at NO NOTICE when I had just returned from an international trip. I will no longer be accepting babysitting without payment in full and taking payment in full IN ADVANCE for future services. I will not take your child until I obtain a signed and witnessed copy of this contract of agreement.
I agree to pay @thisisasurvivor :-
$x per hour for baby sitting
$x per day if meals included
$x per day if excursions included
All damages to my property and person as well as medical expenses incurred will be paid for at the expense of the hirer. Should property or vehicular damage involve insurance excess, I will incur the cost of this.
Should @thisisasurvivor miss paid employment due to responsibilities involved in caring for your child, I will incur these costs.
Add extra legalese… she will head for the hills.

to be honest i wouldnt want to be friends with someone that treats me like that so id simple say that i didnt want to have a friendship anymore and that i would no longer be caring for her children.

Why are you incapable of saying no?

OP good for you to decide you're going to stand up for yourself and get rid of this user.
Please update us - I love seeing the outcome of these threads where everyone is rooting for you and you do something that is going to make your life so much better.

Have you sent the text? Please do it today!!

This is really good advice, it's up to both parents to sort out their kids childcare, not just the mums.
It could well be that the Dh either thinks you are getting paid or 'that's woman's stuff to sort out'

When you send the msg make sure both get exactly the one at the same.

If you know where she works, I’d be dropping the kid off there. Can’t believe you answered the door! 😂

I struggle to understand how people allow this situation to continue for years, and then explode. Seems a pity to let it get to this stage

You need to use your RAGE to good effect.
" hey CF. Just to be clear, I will never look after your dc again. Do not ask, do not bring them. If you leave them here, I will call Social Services. If this is the end of our friendship good. "

Have you sent the message yet? The longer you put it off the more potential you have to stay a doormat

Next time just say No. Stop faffing with “ still on tarmac”. That’s not a definite No

I think this is perfect. Pp’s are correct that you didnt actually say no but cheeky piss-takers will use that as a get-out when reasonable, sensible people will grasp what you are actually saying. Time to spell it out.

Have you sent a text / email/ phoned her yet @thisisasurvivor ?

You need to do this before she asks again otherwise* *she will persuade/ bully / harass you into looking after her dc by saying
She has no one else to do it (tough luck )
You have always done it before ( your not a mug anymore)
She needs to do xyz and cant take dc withe her (she should of thought of that before)
I will pay you ( here is a itemised bill for all child care, clubs , pizza , snacks, drinks ,meals pay this NOW and I will consider looking after him in 6 weeks time )
He loves coming here ( tough )
He will be so disappointed ( tough)
He likes playing with your DC ( shout your dc and tell him he is going over to cfs house for the day )

Text her -
Dear cf I will no longer be available to look after your dc. Please make other arrangements immediately.

Don't give her reasons or she will try to work around them .
If you say you are busy working she can say just give him a pizza and TV
Your going out - take him with you
You have docs appointment- take him with you
You want time with your own child - it's just as easy to look after two .

The list goes on and on but you get the drift.
Tell her in advance its not happening anymore and mean it

Have you posted about her before @thisisasurvivor?

I recall a post relatively recently about a CFer 'friend' who dropped off her sick child while the OP was working from home. Unbelievable how cheeky and rude some people are!
She doesn't sound like a very good friend, or even a friend at all!

This is where you went wrong. Your response didn't say "NO". Or "No, I'm away". And if she still turned up, don't answer the door.

Stop being a doormat. Unfortunately there are thick-skinned / selfish people like your 'friend' in this world so you need to be explicit.

Really good advice there. Be very interesting to see what she has to say if you ask her to have your kids next week.