Cheeky Fckers

Point out that you cannot provide childcare and will have to contact the Police for Child Abandonment in future.

Don't answer the door. Just don't. Kid is not your responsibility and she's neglectful. The next time she dumps him on your doorstep, call social/policeand tell them someone has left a child outside your house. She is not your friend, you are her door mat.

This thread is turning weird.

LTB pitchforks rising.

OP, if you still read this thread, don't worry about it too much, just so what you want when you want.

Two letters OP!

N. O.

Waiting for the update. You'll feel so much better once you don't need to deal with a total pisstaker.

One word - boundaries

So you’re putting your own children in childcare but then looking after hers for free, during working hours?

You don’t need wordy emails or polite texts, just ‘no’ will do, no excuses, excuses give her something to negotiate with. Now you might think a simple ‘no’ looks rude and you don’t want to come across as rude BUT the alternative is being a doormat, and being perceived as rude is 100 times better than being a doormat.

If you can’t bring yourself to just say no, then try ‘no, I’m afraid that isn’t convenient’ but never, ever say sorry or apologise.

Why don't you say you can't do it rather than complain to strangers.

For those who don’t understand how it gets this bad, it’s called the “puking buzzard syndrome.” You stuff things down trying to please everyone. Finally there is no more space to stuff anything, so it erupts into a vile stream of puke. It really isn’t sudden. It’s built up over time so much that you can’t contain it anymore.

Good for you, OP for finally allowing yourself the freedom to put yourself first. I escaped a violent environment and completely understand people pleasing to stay safe. You try to make yourself as small and invisible as you possibly can to stay safe. Yes, stepping outside those parameters is scary. Don’t give her power over you. Take your power back like you did when you got out of that abusive relationship. Kick this one to the curb and find people that will respect you.

@thisisasurvivor

We need an update. ASAP.

Shouldn't have answered the door, and if she tried phoning just mute it and don't answer. No way I would have answered the door, especially since she just ignored your reply!

This 'friend' is using you as a unpaid childminder. Tell her to do one and as a ps, you want the money she owes you back by the end of the week.

My ‘friend’ used to do this but she wouldn’t say she was dropping kids off they would knock the door once she had driven off so I had no choice. Until one day I rang her mother and said she would need to collect them or I would send them home alone (to walk the two miles). She stopped doing it to me but then moved onto someone else and did the same to her

I think we know the op is unlikely to send an email/message now. Hopefully I'm wrong

You just need to be assertive, tell your friend she will have to make other arrangements going forward you won’t be minding kids while trying to work yourself. Don’t give explanations or excuses, it’s not your problem it’s hers and she is taking advantage of you and clearly stressing you out, say no and watch her take a step back. Your clearly being used and your friend is taking full advantage of you being a people pleaser. You are not a bad person for saying no however she is a shitty friend for taking advantage of the situation.

Don’t answer the door I had a Sil who thought because I was on mat leave she could her devil children off & I ld walk them to school each morning & pick the little shits up after too; never actually asked; I soon put her in her place; we’ve not spoken in 30 years; to this day I can’t believe the audacity she had cheeky cow!!

CF friend is on holiday next week - OP is waiting to see if there's a
"Why don't I take your DC out to the cinema/local attraction/swimming , it's deffo my turn" text .

But more likely :

"I have sooo much to catch up with, why don't I drop Archibold with you and your DC and it'll give me a clear day . You can order something from JustEats for dinner, Archibold would love to spend a slob out day with yours and you always let him have a snacky dinner - he raves about it . I don't mind too much , he eats healthily at home "

@thisisasurvivor So you still haven't sent her a message saying no more?!?

Get an email send whilst this latest incident is fresh

Be more direct op. don't email, they will claim not to have seen it.

send a text message or WhatsApp saying, 'hi, soon-to-be-ex-friend, I won't be doing any more childcare for you. Please don't ask again, it makes things awkward. I won't change my mind on this.'

that's it. no sorry, no 'I'm not available'.

Just message her… I am no longer able to look after your child. I am unavailable for childcare. Do not contact me to discuss this. I will not be answering your messages. Then put your name. Ignore her replies. Do not open the door to her.

You've had two days worth of very good suggestions @thisisasurvivor - have you even put together a draft of what you're planning on sending?

The sooner you rip the bandaid off, the sooner this CFer will leave you alone and you get to be in control of your time yourself.

Dear x,

Due to changes at my work, as of now I am no longer able to help you out with any childcare

Take care, thisisasurvivor

I would personally avoid trying to get her to help you with any childcare, as even if she does do ANY, it will always be unbalanced and leave you resentful and at a disadvantage.

As you obviously struggle to say no to this person, I'd personally just blame it on work. If she pushes, just reply, 'no, sorry, I can't help'. Don't give too much information or leave room for 'helpful' suggestions that would enable you to help out

Go on, you can do this!

Wait. Your friend dropped her child off at 7.40 am to be looked after by you for the WHOLE DAY (not just dropped off at childcare - bad enough!) on a day you are supposed to be working?

Who does that?????!!!!!?????