Cheeky Fckers

Is she not able to be assertive?

Yeah a total thicko if she is a doctor.
I doubt she will put up with it either!!

Is your sister stupid?

No way! What did your sister say?

@thisisasurvivor

How the hell do I get myself in these situations

The same way I used to, by not speaking up for ourselves. By being 'nice' and 'ladylike' like our parents (usually our mums) and society told us to.

But now I'm old and if I don't like the way I'm being treated or if I feel someone is taking advantage, I give them a hard stare and say "I can't believe I'm hearing your correctly" or "No, that won't be happening" or as a last resort "Fuck you, the horse you rode in on, and the stable you're keeping it at".

There are benefits to growing old.

@thisisasurvivor have you still not told this 'friend' you're not looking after her children again? you've been stewing on it and the anger has burnt itself out.

you've been given so many wordings to use to say 'no more', just do it.

'I won't be doing any more childcare for you, please don't ask. I put my own children in childcare because I can't work with them at home. so definitely don't want anyone else's children here either.'

Hopefully when you're no longer her default free childcare, she'll ignore you!

Someone once asked me to look after her kids for 6 effing weeks... Free of charge... 😂😂😂.

I only vaguely knew this women,I'd done a massive favour a few weeks earlier when she needed a 4 hour round trip to hospital... She suddenly had no money for parking.... So this cost me time and money.

I'd never even met her kids... She rang back twice trying to persuade me... I mean WHY Wtf??! Then tried to blame me as it would mess up her career😂.....

A mutual friend was completely used by this woman.. The moment they lived in different city... Cheeky fucker cut off all contact with mutual friend... No longer useful...

@thisisasurvivor

"Could be stuck again soon with no one to help? 🙄🤦🏼‍♀️"

I'd say highly likely. The thing is your message didn't directly say "I'm not going to watch your kids at all, ever again". It basically said (and I'm 'interpreting' it as her) "I can't do it now because I'm doing extra work". So she may 'lay low' until some time has passed and start doing it again to see if you're still doing 'extra work'. Or she may decide to find some other nice person and start imposing on them in which case you'll probably be off the hook.

Or as a PP said, the gifts were a gesture she made to create as sense of obligation in you. Which sort of fits in with keeping you as a back up plan in case she can't find someone else.

But for now, just enjoy not having her kids there.

What were the gifts??

Unfortunately @thisisasurvivor , that message would be seen as a temporary and I mean temporary bump in the level of service that you're providing to the CF Neighbour.

They will accept that you've taken on extra work but when that extra work simply becomes the normal workload for you (give it a few weeks/months), they will be back asking you or simply dropping their kid to your door.

Also you have said that you can't do your work when there are kids around, what about when you've finished your work for the day? Will they expect you to look after their kid when you've finished your work? By what you've written in this thread, this particular woman is coming across as the type that if you give them a glimmer of hope for getting her foot in the door again, she'll do it and won't give a second thought for how exhausted you might be or if you have already made plans of your own.

You really do need to speak plainly, without any flowery words and say to her that you will no longer be able to look after her kid under any circumstances.
As you've started clearing things up with her, which is a huge step for you, now is a great time to follow up with whatever you sent her recently with something spelling it out to her that you're not available even in emergencies (because that will happen).

Stay strong and you will prevail!!

Well done on drawing a line. Don’t feel indebted because of this week’s gifts and childcare - a drop in the ocean. She’s trying harder to court you because she can see she’s tripped your alarm system and you are stiffening your resolve. Stick to your guns. “That won’t work for me” (no further explanation needed) is handy and doesn’t leave any crack open for her to work on.

Tell her straight, do not open the door. She has crossed your boundaries too many times. She is not a friend, she is a user!

Yup, just stick to the script. This is usually enough that most users get bored and start looking for a new mark. Occasionally they will reappear with gusto, so do be prepared for that

I think these users get away with their tricks because most of us actually want to be helpful. Most of us have been caught out by a user OP so don't beat yourself up. Learn from it and save your willingness to help for genuine friends and good causes

Well done for sending the message OP. Stay strong and feel proud for taking your first step towards assertiveness

Next step is to make sure you don't get pulled in to any more favours for this person, not 'just this...' or 'it's only'. A firm ' Sorry, I can't help'

I'd also have a look at developing your confidence and assertiveness skills as this would benefit you in so many ways- I'm sure the wise minds of mumsnet would have some good recommendations (edit for typo)

Sorry but she'll be back in a few weeks/months - 'I know you said ... but it's an emergency ...'.

Guaranteed she will see this gesture as you will be in her debt before long.