Cheeky Fckers

Send her an invoice for the childcare, the pizza, holiday club.

I am so confused.
If you decided to open door, your words should have been..I said no, respect me. Close door

OP, stop sharing further just how adacious and ghastly this woman is.

You have allowed this and enabled it.

Best way forward is a strongly worded text and then blocking her. She brings nothing to your life and will be no loss.

Woman up and tell her this morning.

Dear CF

Please collect your kid from the custody of the Police and Social Services.

Never contact me again.

So ask her to take your kids next week. See how she says No to you.

‘gosh Mary, I can’t afford 2 extra pizzas, if you transfer me the money now I’ll get them but I can’t sub you. In fact can you transfer the £x from last summer today as well please’.

DO THIS BEFORE SUMMER!!

This...
And add that i cant care for your child anymore, i have too much work to do.
Leave it at that

Add up the recent hours (last 2 months even) childcare plus the summer club and send her an invoice.
If you are working hard to pay off debt plus minding her child she can at least pay you
Advise her going forward she will have to pay in advance for any childcare but make the rate twice normal rates

Before you text her about childcare text her

’Mary I forgot to ask on Thursday but can you transfer me the £x back this week that you owe me from summer camp last year - do you have my bank details?’

Then when you have it back tell her that her free childcare is over. She (and her husband) are stingy that’s why they rely on you. The fact you paid for camp and she hasn’t paid you back is extra evidence that they are mean with money.

But you need to read up on why you are not prepared to put boundaries in place. Why are you unhappy communicating what you really feel? Why cant you say ‘no’? Because you ARE in control of this situation but you are choosing not to be. ‘No Mary I can’t look after Archibald on Thursday - I’m up to my eyeballs in work’ would have been an appropriate response the very first time she asked. But you don’t say what you mean and expect her to read between the lines.

Look, the OP is obviously in a bad place and you guys (although trying to be supportive) are actually badgering her. Telling her what she should have said the night before just makes her feel like shit. She knows she needs to be more assertive. She needs messages of support and ideas on how to frame responses - which some posters have provided. I think, given the range of suggestions, she has enough t9 frame a polite but strong message and follow on responses.

OP. I wish you well and I hope you catch up with your debt. I bet you’re stressed and anxious. Sorting this out with firm action will be one thing off your mind. Best of luck.

You have to be very blunt with people like this. Any trying to soften the message will leave her an opening. Be firm.

Hi CF

I am quite surprised and disappointed that you dropped DS8 at mine today without my confirming. Please don’t drop him here again. I am not willing to do any further childcare for you. I’d also like to remind you that you owe me xxx for last summer’s club and you can send me that by revolut or cash at your earliest convenience.

SHE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND!

Block!

Or you might just be one of those types that likes to complain that other people just can't cope without you!

She is no friend and only taking advantage of you. Ask clearly for the money back she owes you. Say no when she asks for childcare next and that you need the money back.
Then block.

She doesn't value your friendship, if she did she wouldn't treat you so badly. Sent a text, short and sweet

CF, please don't ask me to provide you with childcare again, the answer will always be no!

Here’s a soft message:

Hi CF
To give you some notice and avoid being asked at the last minute again, I’m unable to help you out with any childcare going forward Hope you manage to get sorted.

if she ignores your message and asks again you can become a bit firmer. Definitely do not cave!
I don’t think ignoring the door and hiding in your own home is going to work. You shouldn’t have to do that!

You didn’t actually say no? You need to say “no” or “I can’t” or something that makes your stance clear. If she disregards this then don’t answer the door if you are home or go out if possible so you won’t be there at all.

People treat you how you let them.

She is not your friend. Put the child in a taxi on a one way journey to her (or his!) place of work. Not your problem.

I don't think you are clear enough. Saying I've not landed yet isn't the same as saying no.

If you don't want to help message and say

"I want to be clear so there is no confusion. I cannot babysit your dc anymore. It's too difficult with managing my own work and dc. I want to be upfront so you have time to make other arrangements. Please do not ask again. "

Tell her you will not answer the door if she drops her dc off.
And if necessary ring social services if she doesn’t listen.

@thisisasurvivor how. Did it get to a point where she just tells you he's coming? She doesn't ask if you'd be able ho have him?