Broken beyond belief

LTB

@StuckHurtDone I stopped reading at the point where I read he spat at you. Please get rid, your life will significantly improve.

You sound like me OP. I'm quiet and shy and hate confrontation. I just stick it out and make myself unhappy trying to please other people but still blame myself for everything. I scare easily and my default is to cry, I can't help it. I'm a vulnerable person and it just happens.
I've been in a relationship not too dissimilar to how this is sounding. You've got to ask yourself ... why are you with him? Do you love him? Do you see a future with this man?

If he's genuinely having a blip and this is really unlike him and you feel like this is his way of reaching out for help, maybe you feel this relationship is redeemable and you can have a serious chat and help him work through his problems. If you don't see a way back, then the best thing to do is just to bite the bullet and end the relationship. You're in your 30s! Its either going to happen eventually anyway or you'll end up wasting the next 40 years in this unhappy relationship. Its better to be single than live like this! You don't deserve to ignored, disrespected, insulted and spat at.

Keep typing and deleting as not sure what to say.

Awful situation and you don't deserve to live like this.

Google making friends in your area, I'm sure there is an app that helps adults make friends within your area.

Someone suggested take yoga up or go the gym classes. Brilliant idea. When you exercise it calms you down and makes you feel good.

Live is for living and not being spat on. Hope you're OK.

He was a good man. It worked for us.
He's a user and an abuser. Many men like that can appear quite lovely and caring, until they believe they have you reeled in and then they show their true colours. Some men like that start off thinking they truly want to have a 'good relationship', but then they can no longer 'hold the pose' and their true nasty self emerges. It doesn't matter which of these he is. But what he never was, was a 'good man'.

I just want to be happy.
And you deserve to be happy. We all want you to be happy and we don't even really know you. But you will never be happy with him.

I don’t know why I deserve this.
You don't. You absolutely DO NOT. So, don't accept being treated like this. You don't have to confront him. Just tell yourself 'no more'. Get your locks changed, pack up the rest of his shit and have it sent to his mother's house with a note that if he shows up at your home you will call the police, and then block the little bastard. Don't wait for the landlord to do change the locks, do it yourself and have extra keys made for the landlord. As someone above said, tell him it was for your personal safety and the safety of HIS property.

I’ve got so much to give. I am so honest, open and faithful.
Given these very wonderful qualities you have, you deserve someone who has those qualities, too. This waste of oxygen doesn't and never will.

The only thing I’m guilty of is getting upset when I don’t get time
Wanting to be treated with consideration and a bit of devotion is normal. It's the way a good relationship is. You aren't guilty of anything, anyone would be upset at being treated the way he has treated you.

Consider getting into counseling to help you build your self esteem and discover why you were so vulnerable to a man like that and how not to let it happen again. You'll be glad you did.

So what are you going to do about it? Because he certainly won't be doing anything

What a disgusting man. You say you just want to be happy, well he's not it and he won't change. Pack up his stuff and change the locks, you deserve so much better.

I don’t know why I deserve this.

You don’t, you know you don’t.

What’s happened is that his abuse has ground you down to thinking this is all you deserve. There is lierally nothing keeping you tied to him except the fucked up trauma bond you have that is making you paralysed with fear of actually doing anything.

Try to visualise how nice your life would be without him in it - no more walking on eggshells or being fearful of being spat at again.

Just get him out, pack his stuff whilst he’s at his mums, change the locks and block him/don’t answer the door to him. Call the police when he starts kicking off. He’ll soon get the message.

Stop with the misplaced guilt about his mum being ill - it’s not your problem and it’s the perfect time for him to go and move in with her isn’t it?

Imagine how you’d feel if your sister or daughter was in this situation- what would you tell them to do?

i’ve read all your responses but not PPs responses.

Why is your self esteem at such a rock bottom OP? Being in a relationship isn’t the be all and end all, this is a poor excuse for a relationship,

you need to be away from this man and focus on building your self up, your self worth and your self esteem. Of course you know you need to leave him.

I am appalled. Why do you still give him house room? What a disgusting excuse for a human.

Eeeeew he spat at you ? filthy, disgusting creature, how have you not got the massive ick from that alone ? Never mind all the other shit which is awful, he SPAT AT YOU TWICE in your home.

I would bundle everything that he has left into black sacks and take it to the nearest tip. Pick up some dignity on the way out. He isn't 'stressed' he is just a pathetic excuse for a human being who is struggling with having to do a bit of adulting for once in his life. You deserve so much better.

Find your anger.

This man doesn't even like you and treats you with complete contempt.

Kick him out of YOUR house.

You poor pet. Just an hour at a time over the coming weeks. Please don't let him back, he sounds like a monster. Spitting at people makes my stomach heave. You're beneath his contempt :(

I'm still trying to work out why you'd want him 'home'.

You poor love 😢 you have NOT done anything wrong and he knows it. He has a drink problem and seems to be using his mum's illness as an excuse to go out and get drunk and feel sorry for himself 😡 the spitting and verbal abuse would absolutely be the last straw for me - pack his stuff and put it on the doorstep and text him that he needs to come and get it. Change your locks. Life is too short to spend one more minute with him. You say you have no friends - now is the time to change that! Take up a new hobby - maybe a ladies walking group/yoga class/crafting? You deserve to enjoy your life so go out and do things that make you happy! Or why not book a few days off and visit family?

This life is not making you happy and you deserve much more. You're worried about being on your own but, honestly, the only way is up. Concentrate on yourself and your new job. Do some things you like, for yourself. Find some local groups to get out and meet new people (particularly women your own age). Good luck

Instead of feeling emotional and crying you need to find your anger!
This guy doesn't give a shit about you...I wouldn't worry about hurting him - he doesn't worry about hurting you

Not sure if anyone's mentioned this yet, but spitting at someone is now classed as assault. I'm sorry this has happened to you, you are worth SO MUCH MORE THAN THIS LOSER.

Why oh why do women put up with these absolute dregs?

You have no children, not married, house is in your name. What on earth are you letting him stay for?
He is literally showing you he hates you and you’re just taking it.

I despair.

So don't confront.

Just ask the LL to change the locks. Tell the LL you are willing to get a locksmith yourself. Tell them it's a case of domestic violence (spitting is assault).

He leaves, you lock the door. Job done.

What the hell have I just read? This is absolutely horrifying.

What has happened in your youth to make you think this is all normal?

Pack his stuff, dump it on the lawn.

Change the locks.

Block & delete.

Start going out.

FREEDOM.

Get some therapy

Call your landlord.
Call today.

Ask for the locks to be changed.

Dumping this waste of space is a no brainer.

He’s an alcoholic user. But you know that already so not sure what it will achieve having 100s of posts tell you he’s a loser. I hope you manage to break free.