Broken beyond belief

Do you want to be with someone, who loves you for you? Get married maybe? Have kids perhaps?

If your answer is yes to just to one of these questions, it is time to get rid of this man. And if you want kids you are wasting your fertile years on him.

I know this is a silly question but I’m going to ask so hopefully you can see the flip side:

Do you want to feel abused and unfulfilled, unloved and taken advantage of financially, living with a man, who’s more in love with booze than you?

If so, stick with it. You’re on the right path.

You will be so much happier without him.

This is not going to get better.

Just get rid.

Good luck 💐

What the hell? You need to end this toxic relationship. He can go and live with his mum and help care for her. Poor woman.

He does not care about you do pack his stuff up to collect. If it’s not his, he can swivel. Sounds like he owes you lots as he’s been a cock lodger. Get rid…seriously.

He’s gaslighting you. Treating you like shite and making you question yourself - making you think you’ve stepped out of line.

Try to take your feelings out of the situation. Look at the facts and imagine it’s happening to a friend.

What advice would you give them?

You must see it’s not working, be thankful he’s not so engrained into your life. You have not lost control to him, you have a choice. Take the power back by making a choice.

You cannot accept someone who has so little respect for you as to spit and ignore you for days on end….

Read my lips.

Leave
The
Cunt.

Save yourself from this piece of absolute pond life scum asap, get yourself counselling to build up that self esteem and strength.
YOU KNOW you are being used & abused- that’s the first positive step. The next- the him the fuck out. Stay strong x

Do you want your life to be the same in five years time?
I stupidly ignored the red flags.
I stupidly listened to ex-hs ‘sunk cost fallacy’ rubbish
And his pathetic excuses.
5 years later he’d almost bankrupted me. I’d lost all my friends because of his behaviour. I was a wreck.
That’s when I had the sense to get out. It took a lot of therapy to get over the 5 year hell.
Don’t be me —- get him out now, change your locks and block him everywhere. It’ll save you a fortune in therapists for a start.

You are only 36, it might not feel like it but you are young. I think you need to get rid, no one should ever spit at someone, that is so disgusting and disrespectful, and if you stayed with him it’s quite likely to escalate to physical violence.

I would have the locks changed, pack up his stuff and leave it outside of the house. Might also be worth a discussion with Womens Aid or similar charity to help you do this as safely as possible.

Then, spend some time learning to love yourself. I’m hearing a lot of sadness from you about lack of family and friends in your life. Time to look at a new hobby, get involved in a local charity or club and meet some new people. You deserve so much more than you’re getting right now x

Why choose to be unhappy? Move on with your life and reclaim your peace.

He was a good man.

How was have a good man? He’s been living off you since you got together. He’s maintained his friendships using his “fun” money, while your friendships have slipped away. He abuses you and his mother. Has he ever actually gone out of his way to help you in a way that really cost him something? Or were these “good” times always ones that were also good for him in some way, it’s just you liked them too?

Right OP. The first step is to be the bravest you've ever been in your life and kick him out. Don't think, just do it.

The second step is a fuckload of therapy, or at least reading a lot online if you can't afford the therapy. Because what this is screaming is that you have massive emotional consequences for yourself as a result of something in your past, probably but not necessarly in your childhood. The fact that your mother has shown no concern for you recently also points that way. And whatever happened it's made you a shell of the person you could and should be.

You do not believe you're worth anything. You do not feel you deserve to have friends. You DO believe that your purpose in life is to abase yourself by being nice to others, however badly they treat you. By letting them take as much of you as they want but never dreaming of thinking you deserve anything back.

OP please believe me. I don't know you. But I am absolutely damn certain that you DO deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. And you have to find out why you don't believe it yourself.

💐💐🌸

What has happened in your life to make you think that you are not worth so so much more than this? Everyone deserves respect, care and kindness, it is the bare minimum. You wouldn't treat a friend like this, so don't allow this to be the treatment you get. I hope you find peace and happiness and get rid of that waste of space.

Well, he'll keep sticking around because he has a sugar mama he can do anything to- including spit at- and get away with. Few women would tolerate this and I'm sure he's wise to that.

So it's going to have to come from you. You're only 36, don't leave it until you're 40. Every day is a day lost, where you could be pain-free without him. Where you could be with a good man who respects you, and contributes financially and emotionally to the relationship.

Everyone knows the song Fast Car. At the end she says 'you've got to make a decision: leave tonight or live and die this way'. How many years of your life do you want to waste on this? Looking back during your old age, are these the times you want to dominate your memories. If you have one life, do you want to spend it being a drunk's doormat?

But it's going to have to come from you. Nobody else can fix it.

If it’s all in your name then kick him out. I read post like this and wonder…
Stop being a door mat

There is nothing remotely pleasant about this cocklodging arse.

LTB

Oh dear. Its a rarity I say this but for what its worth if I was you I'd leave this man if only to at least try to bring him to his senses.

Honestly the sooner he's gone the sooner you will feel better. Even just the thought of watching tv in your own eating your dinner at a normal time sounds fecking brilliant compared to this shit show.

Change the locks. Watch tv in your jammies for a week and then get yourself a life. I know it feels impossible when you feel like you have no friends but he isn't helpmu with this.
Rent out your spare room if you have one. Join a gym or similar, see what's on in the evenings in the FE college anything to get into the community xx

OP, when my dad was terminally ill, I was incredibly stressed and finding things extremely difficult. I was only in my 20s and had to sort out all caring “sadmin”, liaise with various agencies, care for him on a full time basis, etc. I NEVER once spat at my partner or treated him badly during this time. It just wouldn’t have occurred to me - if anything, I needed him more than ever and desperately wanted to be with him for comfort. His mum being ill is not an excuse to treat you so badly and you are not being unreasonable to end things. Know your worth.

Enough people have commented on his actions so I'd only be echoing their thoughts. I'm concerned about you emotionally not having friends or family for support. Is there anything anyone can help with that? Obviously I'm not wanting you to out yourself but if maybe you could say a region or county some kind people who know the area may be able to PM you and suggest some local groups or activities you might fancy and could meet some new people?

But you hold all the cards here OP.

He is:

• Abusive
• Assaulted you (the spitting)
• Sounds like he's become an alcoholic
• Unpleasant (to you, his mum, and probably anyone else where he can get away with it
• Lazy and unhelpful
• Likely to end up with a criminal record soon, for drunk driving if nothing else
• A liar
• A loser

You have:

• Your own money and job (= independence)
• No kids
• Think you said a rental in your name?
• Family elsewhere
• And are relatively young still.

You are likely only lonely cos you've been spending all your evenings waiting at home on your own for him to show up! Please kick him to the kerb, then you will have the time and freedom to do what YOU would like to do (visit your family, take up some activities, meet new people, have some fun!) and I'm sure you won't be feeling lonely for too long. Better than feeling on your own IN a supposed "relationship", surely?
Also, it's a long weekend now - the perfect time to dump the dead weight, change the locks and make some exciting future plans? Good luck!

Broken beyond belief?! By this useless millstone of a man?
Wow.

Anyway youve had good advice on thread you'd be wise to take it instead of sacrificing your life to a man

For heaven's sake OP, find your anger. Don't let anyone, ever, treat you like this. If you can find the courage to leave him, friends will come, I promise you.

You don’t want another failed relationship you said. This is a failed relationship. Tell him to go.

"I have zero friends. Literally nobody."

Not true. You have literally HUNDREDS of well-meaning and knowledgeable friends on here.

Don't get down. It is because you have reached rock bottom and now the only way is up. You have actually done the hardest part: finally recognising the need for change in your life.

xxx