Broken beyond belief

This could be me OP...everyone says im nice etc i socialize well but have no friends.
Ditch this guy hes a jerk...teenage strop jerk. I will be your friend ..if you dump the loser 😁.
Dont go see his mum...you can chat on the phone but you owe no one anything

Do you take the initiative to create friendships? Ask people to meet for a coffee or to see a movie? You sound quite passive in some of your posts as if you’re waiting for friendships to happen to you. Same with your comments about your parents. You’ve said a few times they don’t check in with you. Kindly, maybe it’s time to be proactive.

So I’ll have to sit there and listen to her justify his actions, that have made me look bad.
You don't have to anything.
'No' is a complete sentence etc.

Don't subject yourself to that. You deserve better, SO much better. Please don't hang on to this wanker because of the thought of being alone. He is already leaving you alone, so there isn't much to miss.

Perhaps you should find a counselor to talk to and work on getting your confidence and self-esteem raised.

You sound like a wonderful person, and there are lots of people out there who would love to have you as a friend!

As much as I’d like to tell you to visit and tell her he spat on you as she’s unwell I say don’t visit. You don’t have to defend yourself against his false narrative and you don’t want to be swayed by being gas lit through the way he talks about you to others. You know the truth of what’s gone on and you must hold on to that. Write a reality list of cold hard facts about him on your phones be read it whenever you have a wobble and question if you’re doing the right thing.

You are living with an alcoholic
who is in throws of addiction and you don’t matter, only thing that does is where the drink is coming from.

Please end it with this disgusting, abusive lout and do not ever let him back into your life. Thank goodness its your home. Change the locks and leave him at his Mums. You are far better alone than with this alcoholic low life.
Then please get some counselling as soon as possible, you need advice and support to help you understand why you would accept such awful treatment.

Get rid of him. He's pointless.

He took some of his stuff the other night. Most of it still here. He says he’s taking everything, including tv.

Good. Put the rest outside the door, text him to tell him to collect it, change the locks and block all future communications from him.

With this waste of space out of your life, have a think about taking up chances to meet new people and just relax and enjoy your independence.

You seem like a lovely person, you have a good job, don’t let this awful man drag you down, get rid, you are worth more. There are lots of genuine, nice men out there. Don’t let your bad past choices put you off.

Imagine a close friend was in your exact situation. What would you advise her to do?

your worth so much more than saddling yourself with him forever.

I don’t think it can be any clearer - LTB. What is he bringing to your life? Absolutely nothing good that’s very clear. What a disgusting person

You've had more than enough of the same advice.

He's got a drink problem.
He's abusive.
He is using you in every way.

Change the locks and put his things outside.

Start building up your own life.

Ask why you have no friends.
What's happened there?

Do you not mix socially with colleagues or belong to any groups where you meet people?)

You've got to start somewhere but it sounds as if you have a very skewed idea of relationships if you've put up with this for so long.

Was your childhood abusive?

What kind of role models did you grow up with?

I'm sure other posters have said this already but some kind of therapy seems the way forward to build your self-worth and stop you getting into these kind of relationships where you are being abused, emotionally, financially and physically.

The thing is, I’m not exactly a confrontational person. In fact I run away from it.

@StuckHurtDone and he knows it. He knows he can get away with any kind of bad behaviour because you will take it lying down. He has no respect for you.

I love him though.

No you don't. You love what you want him to be, and he will never be what you want him to be. If you stay with him he will continue to treat you like a doormat and disrespect you until he has completely destroyed any self esteem you once had.

He is not good for you. You know what you need to do.

Who he “was” wasn’t real. That was the nice guy act he put on to reel you in and get you emotionally enmeshed with him. He probably needed somewhere to live too🙄

@Ohffsbarbara is right. This guy doesn't love you, he just wants somewhere to live.

Quick him out properly. You won’t be worse off financially since he doesn’t contribute and you’ll gain peace and an anxiety free home. You can make friends and build a better life for yourself.

You need to take back control. You need to find your anger - how dare he treat you this way. Spitting at you is assault. Disgusting filthy piece of shit.

You don’t love him - you love the person you thought he was. You love someone who doesn’t exist. That was his fake act when you first got together. He is showing you now who he really is.

Dont put up with this for a moment longer. You are still young and have many happy and exciting things to come your way in life - step 1 - get rid of this loser.

You are in a position of control - you don’t even rely on him financially. Get him out of the house - he has no legal right to even be there. Let him take his stuff and dont get hung up on stuff like TV etc, you can always buy a second hand one for hardly anything these days.

You haven’t “built a life with him” you’ve built one FOR him. He contributes exactly nothing - he’s a cocklodger and you’d be better off without him. Get yourself out to some evening classes, take up a hobby to meet new people.

Whether you kick him out or keep him the relationship is failed though, the current situation is not a relationship it's him using a woman to allow him to live rent and bill free so he doesn't have to work any more than enough to have drinking money. He brings a truckload of negative and seems like nothing positive to your life, except sex I suppose but given how self centred he is I doubt that's much good either tbh.
I understand you are lonely and struggling but by the sounds of it a pet would actually be of more support and benefit to you than this user

I don’t want another failed relationship

@StuckHurtDone this really shouldn't even be on your radar. You're in a relationship with an abusive, argumentative, drunk twat and your big worry is that you won't want another failed relationship? You'd be doing yourself the most enormous favour to kick this useless piece of shit out.

And then, may I kindly suggest, that you get some help with your self-esteem. Why do you think that this kind of abusive loser is the best you can get? Why are you clinging onto someone who is so unpleasant and objectionable? Why do you respect yourself so little that you'd allow this man to SPIT at you in your own home? Get rid of him and then find yourself a therapist who you can help you to find some self-respect so this doesn't happen again

If he treats you this way he obviously doesn’t like you so why have him in your life?

You wouldn’t call someone a friend if they didn’t like you but just wanted you for your money and what you could offer so why accept it from your partner?

I really feel for you OP. Splitting with someone is hard, even if they treated you badly, and a lack of self esteem makes that even harder as its easy to feel its better to have someone, anyone, rather than no one. Please just take some time to think about what you want and deserve from your life...sometimes its easier to pretend you are at the end of your life and looking back...what would you like your life to have been like? What regrets would you have?. You are only in your thirties and if you can find the strength and courage to cut him loose you have plenty of time to work on building new friendships and relationships in your life, its not too late. Its tempting as we get older to think we have chosen our path and just need to put up with it, but thats not the case. You also probably have some attachment feelings because of the way you met. Ultimately, you cant change another person, they have to want to do it themselves, and he just doesnt. So you have to remove him from your life or nothing will change. Focus on removing him, then making new friendships at work or clubs, hobbies etc. Sending you courage and hope x

What you've done wrong is stay.

His mum is in her own home again and unless you have children you've not mentioned it's easier for you to leave. What's he bringing to your life apart from misery.