Broken beyond belief

Well, not literally. But maybe he should!

Try not to be so hard on yourself, OP. I was in much worse relationships than yours for many years. I was in my 50s by the time I discovered what a loving, mutually respectful relationship looked like - bit of an eye-opener!!!

Draw a line under it and move on. You can do this!

Be careful of going to his mother's. She knows what he's like and could possibly say anything to get you to take him on as your responsibility again. She doesn't want him drunk and abusive in her house.

I might call her though. She might be afraid of him and needs help. But that help shouldn't involve taking the vile creature back into your house instead.

Much better to pack up his things, change the locks and look forward to a new life. You'll find it easier to make new friends when you don't have a violent drunk as part of your life. Keep posting here. There are plenty of people to chat over the weekend.

I'm thinking about your awfully bad headache. Remember to try and keep sipping water and keep yourself hydrated. Even though you might not feel like eating, try to have at least some tea and toast at all the normal meal times. These little bits of self care will help get rid of that headache. Then you will feel a bit stronger.

Do not go and see his mother, who will no doubt ask you to forgive her useless excuse of a son so she doesn't have to house him.

Pack his things up. Put them outside in bin bags. Tell him to collect them.

Change your locks.

Block him on everything.

See if you can get counselling so you never, ever let yourself be treated like crap by a man going forward again.

Change the locks.
He can get to fuck.
You are 36. You have years ahead don't waste them on this tosser. I have plenty of friends who met someone when older than you are.

You tried. Do you know how many people wouldn't have bothered doing that, wouldn't have been capable of doing that?

Doctors, nurses, paramedics try and fail to save people daily, and they're trained professionals.

He was dead before you even walked through the door, you tried to bring him back but he was too long gone. That's not your fault, how could it possibly be?

It sounds like you met following a trauma when you were vulnerable and he’s taken advantage of that. It sounds a bit wanky but ultimately you need to be your own source of comfort, happiness and security, as when you put those things in someone else’s hands you’re less likely to have it and experience more let down. Learning to be alone and to be your own source of these things will change your life for the better. You’ll be able to weather challenges more easily and attract healthier partners. Books that might be beneficial for you if you can’t afford therapy include women who love too much, overcoming low self esteem and attached.

He's a vampire. He sussed out that you were vulnerable and guilty, and that you are the sort of person who will just absorb the negative actions of others... and he saw a perfect target. Abusers can do that. They can look at a roomful of people and spot the vulnerable one.

If you live in the north Bucks or south Beds area, come for a coffee with me.

Op, your latest post is quite troubling. If you feel that way then you need to seek counselling to deal with it. Obviously none of us know the circumstances, but in several cases locally where CPR was performed until the ambulance arrived, the person was gone suddenly, and nothing would have brought them back.

you gave that person a chance, you are not responsible.

do not bloody go!

Please just cut them off. Its all a way to reel you back in.

Try to get through the weekend maybe without any further trouble. These bank holidays can be extremely isolating.

Then, come Tuesday try and make some very small plans to move forward.

Not so fast, the OP might have a bit of trauma from this situation. OR she may feel as though it's one of those "fate" things. If she hadn't gone round the house to help she would never have met her current partner. So she may have felt it was meant to be in some way. I don't know what I think about these kind of things..if there is any rhyme or reason to anything. My life has had more twists and turns than a Harry Potter novel!

Oh op I'm sorry this is how it's turned out. Bit this man is an abusive drunk. Get your locks changed. Then pack up everything that he owns (which I'm guessing isn't the tv since you've seemed to pay for everything) and text him saying 'I've packed up your stuff, I'm putting it outside the house and you can come pick it up from x time. And incase it wasn't clear, we're over'

Then give yourself time to recover. Let yourself cry, watch your favourite films on the couch, go out for long walks, get a haircut, read self help books, look into hobby groups around you to make friends.

I know it's so hard to see it when you're in the eye of the storm but you WILL be good again

Good luck op

It's never going to happen while you are with him.

I know, I remember feeling like that but you're not going to get that from him. In his life you're there to give him the lifestyle he feels entitled to and your needs are neither here nor there as far as he's concerned. Unless of course he has to do some light relationship maintenance to stop you leaving.

Please leave him, OP, the life you want is out there.

BTW you'll find it a lot easier to find and keep friends when you aren't dragging the lunk along with you. Nobody but another useless drunk wants that company inflicted on them. Lose him. Fast.

@StuckHurtDone This is a new month, a new season with the clocks springing forward and for you a fresh start and new way of living your life. Even at 36, 46 and 56 there is scope to do things in a different way. Your feelings are really important. Now is the time to start prioritising them. Make a short list of easy things that might make you feel a tiny bit better. Like picking some flowers from the outdoors and putting them in a vase in your room. You can do this.

It's probably already been said as I haven't read the full thread, only your responses OP, but being "passive" is the route to being disrespected and ignored/ forgotten. I guess you have low self esteem stemming from childhood and therefore don't set boundaries in relationships. If you can't afford therapy, some online research on these things could help.

Your partner knows he can ignore what you want but still keep you. Its also likely he is an alcoholic or on route to becoming one, so alcohol is more important to him by far than you are.

As for friends - very few people are so inherently charismatic that people flock to be their friends. The rest of us have to put in the work. Key is believing (or kidding) yourself that you ARE inherently worthy and interesting. Act like you believe this and things will change. I know it's not easy - I have oscillated between thinking nobody would want to know me and feeling deserving and confident. But I know myself well enough to talk myself out of the negativity.

I do have quite a lot of friends because once I make one, I generally make the effort to keep them, so many are very longstanding. And quite a few made the first move with me. I've had to force myself to become less fearful of rejection and simply ask people if they'd like to do x. They don't usually say no!

But to do that you need to get out there and do activities that will put you in contact with people. Find someone you like and start by showing an interest in their life. Remember what they tell you and follow up the next time you see them. Friendships don't happen over night, so you need to persevere.

Work can be a good place to find friends as you get to see them regularly (assuming you have a workplace). Many of my friends are ex colleagues.

But definitely LTB.

OP, sadly you don't have a relationship now. He is giving you nothing, either emotionally or financially. The relationship has already failed.

This man spits at you, lives off your money, doesn't come home. This is not a man to build a relationship with.

You are in a good position if you rent and tenancy agreement is in your name. Contact your Letting Agent or Landlord and ask if you can change the locks for security due to him moving out. You will need to give the Landlord a copy of the key.

Find the strength to do this ASAP so that he can't come in and take anything that belongs to you. Pack up what is his, and advise him to collect it.

Sorry, I may have missed this....what is your job? Are there any opportunities for socialising there?

Don't rule out phoning the Samaritans. It can help.

He's moving to mums in the unspoken hope she'll die soon. From neglect if he's looking after her. You don't have a relationship worth saving, you've got a pig, not a man. Free yourself. Take all the advice on here or your future will be more of the same and worse.

You have to get away from this animal. He's sucking the life out of you. You're NOT worthless. He is worthless in this relationship.

Your post about not wanting a failed relationship says a lot. You are worth so much more than this. He spat at you. That alone would be the thing on its own to end it.

If a random in public did that to you they would be arrested.