Broken beyond belief

If his phone is SIM only then surely it's just a monthly rolling fee, rather than when you're buying the actual phone and you pay the cost of the handset in the monthly amount?

We have sim only deals because we bought handsets without sims. There's never been more than a 30 day cancellation on them because we aren't tied in for a minimum term.

Christ alive, he's a peach. 'Guess what Stuck, I don't need you because mum will be dead soon and that means money for me - hooray'.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to taxi all his stuff to his mum's, stop paying for his phone and block him on everything. He is nothing but a drain on your already depleted resources. Don't give him any more of your time, energy or headspace. He can piss his life away if he wants, you can't stop him. But don't let him do the same to yours.

@StuckHurtDone

I think you're doing damned well! You just keep on track and you'll be great in no time.

As far as the phone goes, keep in mind I'm in the US. Here, if you're on a family plan (where his phone is tied to your contract) instead of paying a huge cancellation fee you can call and have service suspended. Here it costs about $10/month (about £8) which may be cheaper or easier to afford than paying the cancellation fee. Hopefully, phone providers in the UK have something similar. I know it'd grind my gears to pay until the contract period is up, but it'd grind them less than knowing I was facilitating his phone use OR forking out a huge amount to cancel.

Also whilst I have sympathy for his mum, I'd still bag his shit up and drop it off to her. She's in touch with the rest of his family, let them decide what to do, let them deal with it and with him. Don't let a misplaced sense of responsibility for his mum make you act in ways that are not in your own best interests. He's their 'family', not yours. You have no legal responsibility to him OR to them! You are done with him and have the right to cut ALL ties with him and anyone connected to him. Sometimes we have to be 'cruel' to others in order to be 'kind' to ourselves.

Put yourself first.

That must have been frustrating for you. Hope they get back to you asap with an answer. X

Good, I'm glad he hasn't contacted you.

Hope you're okay, OP and that you weren't too shocked by what the police told you.

Been thinking about you, OP. Hope it's not been too difficult an experience. You are doing the right thing for others further down the light. Be proud of yourself for attending.

Good Luck today. Try to keep calm,take a drink, make notes.

If you and his Mum both stand firm he could finally hit rock bottom. I doubt it though, my bet is he would still play the victim and go on quick search for the next kind people pleasing woman (with her own home) that he can manipulate, love bomb and move in with asap. And he will tell her all about how badly his family and his ex have treated him.

Please for the love of God don’t let him back in. If his mum has the backbone to not let him back in today, then he is likely to turn up at your house telling you how changed he is. He isn’t, he just doesn’t have anywhere to sleep.

Any time you wonder if you are the problem - remind yourself that even his own mother wants to wash her hands of him! And his own siblings don’t want anything to do with him. He is the problem.

Good luck with the police today. I pray that whatever they tell you gives you the strength and resolve to say enough is enough. Never take him back.

Hi OP,
Whatever your ex does now remember his choices are not your fault. You have given him chance after chance and his actions have shown that he is a non-functioning alcoholic.

He would have somewhere to stay if he hadn't been so hateful to his mum after she took him in. It must have been so hard as a mum to turn him away but that just shows how impossible he is.

Perhaps he will hit rock bottom and decide to change once he has no-one to keep a home beneath him no matter how badly he behaves. Whatever his choices now it is not your fault.

Remember the Alcoholics Anonymous mantra for friends and family - you didn't cause the problem, you can't control it, you can't cure it.

What happens to your ex now is up to him alone.

With regard to the phone ring your provider, explain the situation and ask them to cap it to just the bill amount so he can't run up a huge bill for you.

I think you should cancel it and pay the cancellation fee but also understand that's a large amount to find in one go.
The other alternative would be to reduce it to the lowest package (and cap it) and let it runs it course although you are then still stuck with him in your life over a phone bill.

You're not wasting anyone's time and you are EXACTLY the sort of person the Samaritans will help.

Please ring them

Is it in his name? If so, just stop paying, the cancellation fee is his problem.

Playing the victim after he pay at you twice? He’s a contemptible piece of crap. Get rid of this man and don’t look back.

She’s worried he’s done something as his last words to her were ‘everyone has screwed me over, I’m done, I’m out’

Aw, bless him. There's no-one quite as pathetic as the self-absorbed, raging alcoholic with a persecution complex who thinks all his problems are actually the fault of someone else.

Nothing to do with you. She shouldn't be ringing.

Yup. All part of his “game”. You worry because you are a nice , normal person , and er he is not worth it.
Imagine his face at the bottom of the toilet pan whenever you go. It might help.

I feel like " the stuff" is a bit of a distraction. Removing it is half a days work.

Try to keep OK for tomorrrow.