To be annoyed this mum took DS's phone

This. We have the same rules in our house.

Absolutely no phones in bedrooms ever.

I don't think you are being unreasonable. This would annoy me! My child, my rules!!

Obviously Mumsnet is massively hyperbolic and OTT about ‘screens’ 🙄and will doubtless tell you that you should learn a valuable parenting lesson from this saintly mother who was simply trying to protect your child. But that would be bollocks. She shouldn’t have taken your son’s phone because it is not her place to decide whether your child can have a phone with him overnight or not, any more than it would be her place to tell your son what sort of pyjamas he had to wear or what toothpaste to use.

I also think that it’s actually a good idea for a kid on a sleepover to be able to have their phone with them in case, for whatever reason, they’re concerned about something and don’t feel comfortable waking their friend’s parents. Having been at a sleepover as a child in the days when nobody had a mobile phone, and at which something happened which made me feel unsafe, and where I had no means of contacting home privately, I’d want a kid to have their phone with them overnight.

Are teens nowadays completely incapable of functioning without having their phone 24/7? How on earth did millions of teens survive before mobile phones?!

If you know your son's friend doesn't have a phone you might have foreseen that his mum would not want phones in the bedroom overnight. I don't think either of you are wrong, just that you have different 'normals', so never thought to discuss this in advance

Not at 4 years old, surely. My kids didn't have phones until they started secondary school at 11.

Reception children would be a nightmare to look after with phones. If they leave the school premises it will be with a teacher.

Imagine the fates of all the girls if that one girl who texted who parents hadn’t had her phone on her.

All the posters clamouring if they can’t ask an adult to leave then they shouldn’t go to sleepovers are twits. I was molested by a friends older sister at a sleepover. I didn’t have a phone but if I had it certainly wouldn’t have happened.

Sexual assault is unfortunately not uncommon at sleepovers, by friends, parents, older siblings. Children’s safety campaigners warn agains sleepovers without making sure your children know what to do if they feel at all uncomfortable (and obviously making sure they can contact parents on their own phone). Child molesters don’t wear a badge, they most often appear likeable and safe, because that’s how they get near children.

I’m very against smartphones for children, but I would make sure my child had a brick to take to sleepovers when they aren’t at home.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/crime/drugged-smoothies-oregon-father-sleepover-b2507178.html

Would it have been ok for her to confiscate his wallet or an item of jewellery?

I don't think this is a fair comparison, unless his jewellery gives him the ability access all of the porn in the world.

I really do feel for these kids whose parents are so spectacularly unimaginative that they actually believe they’re protecting/helping them by giving them 24/7 smartphone access. The level of ignorance is quite staggering.

I mean, couldn't he have just asked her if he wanted to contact you? He wasn't locked in.

Totally out of order to take his phone.

I think if she had said to me, I would prefer the boys not to have the phones over night, I would have said 'that's fine, I agree, we always set DS's phone to be pretty much useless after 9pm, except for the capability of texting or calling only us.' So that bit of communication would prevented her from doing what in my view was overstepping by just taking it off him

So basically if she asked first you would have still disagreed?

That aside there is one glaringly obvious flaw in your logic. You say there was a third boy at the sleepover. Would you have been happy if the third boy looked at porn or tiktok on his phone and showed it to your son?

You want a 4 year old to have a mobile phone?

Then he could do what children did before mobile phones came along, ask the mum to ring his mum. Or ask for the phone for that specific purpose. The sky is not going to fall in because a 13 year old on a sleepover doesn't have a phone, what have we come to?

I know it’s a slightly different situation but my son is starting primary and their school has banned phones completely. Like you I’m worried about the safety aspect as they go out of the school premises almost daily I have not given permission for him to leave the school premises but if I did I would want him to have a phone with him at all times.

Her house, her rules.
only reason to need access to phone overnight was an emergency and they were in a house with adults.

How can they need that? I'm genuinely interested.

This is such a non issue. So what if the rules are different in their house? Honestly, no wonder our kids lack resistance if we baby them at every step. If this was one of my kids I'd say 'oh well, at least you know their rules now'. If the friend is a good one, they'll see it as a trade off.

Absolutely!!
Jeez who are all these teens who cannot cope with staying at someone else’s house unless they have a smartphone glued to their hand all night? Do they never go on school trips? How will they cope? My ds is 15, on a school skiing trip recently they all had to hand their phones in every night.

And no phones in bedroom’s overnight is our house rule too, and yes it applies to anyone.

I'd be furious if she did that without running it by me. One of the few advantages of teens having phones is that they can contact their parents if they are in an uncomfortable situation. She took away his ability to contact you without letting you know. I wouldn't let him go again.

When my son went to a sleepover the mum said she would be taking all tech off them at 10pm, would that be ok. My response was 'your circus, your monkeys'

We have a strict no phones in bedrooms rule, if a child is so attached to their mobile that they can’t be more than a few metres away from it while asleep, or they’re too nervous for sleepovers without constant access to their parents, then they’re probably not ready for sleepovers yet. We’ve had several sleepovers, our son has also been on a few, no one has ever moaned about the phone rule, and quite a few of the other parents have had the same rule.

Allowing a camera with internet access into a bedroom with children really isn’t a good idea.

Do you think the parents are sleeping in the same room as the children having a sleepover?

School presumably has a policy that you sign up to when you send your kids there.

But no, I wouldn’t be happy with school taking a phone away if it was in a bag not being used.

You would talk to the sleep over parent about this first though wouldn't you, if it's a need?