To be annoyed this mum took DS's phone

What 13 year old lad would need to phone his mummy because he missed her, especially when he is at his mates house, he would never live it down.

Your rules in her house? Oooookay....😳

I think lots of children would struggle with that. Especially if they are worried about being rude.

I spent a night in a freezing house, couldn't eat the dinner, was terrified of the dog and a horrible older sister was a bully. I still remember being so scared and miserable more than 30 years later. It will not be happening to my child.

It wasn't your house.

Are there any school rules you don't agree with ? What would happen there?

What if the other child was having a massive asthma attack, would your child phone you to let you know and be too shy to get help from the parents??

Honestly, there are so many threads about teenage mental health and resilience levels plummeting and now I can see why. Who are these kids and teenagers who can't go and speak to adults, who can't give their folks a quick ring and say "my phone's going away for the night. Having a nice time. Night!", who can't be flexible enough to cope with different rules in different houses?

Having said that, I bet the vast majority of your kids would be absolutely fine and it's the parents who just can't cope with someone else setting boundaries that involve their children. Which is actually pretty controlling in itself.

I don't think she is unreasonable having a different opinion about phones to you, and its not that she judged you, she just adhered to her own rules in her house. I honestly wouldn't give it another thought.

It’s not 1980s. World isn’t like that anymore.

Or who's contacting them?

I think you're being unreasonable. I would be pleased that the other child's parents didn't allow phones in the bedroom at night.

Really, you don't worry about what they're looking at?

But…this is ridiculous!! A child has an asthma attack and no one can waken the responsible adults??

Shouldn’t have been at a sleepover.

I wouldn't dream of taking a child's phone if they stayed over. Completely out of order.

I think she's doing the right thing and I'd bet you're not as on top of it as you think you are. All the training I've done says even really young children can easily get round all the things we've put in place, and believing that we've done it makes us complacent like letting them have phones in their rooms at night

My daughter had an asthma attack in the night when she was at a sleepover. Thankfully she had her phone and phoned me. She was too shy to wake the parents. I was able to talk her through taking her inhaler and stayed on line until it passed. So yes, I think it was unreasonable and not her place to take the phone.

We do not do sleep overs, because my child is too young for a phone. I think you have exactly the right idea though!

I also will never understand why some parents are so keen for their kids to have phones?! My eldest is 9. I am DREADING the getting of the phone and l honestly will put it off as long as I possibly can.

If you don't trust your child or their friends, why are you letting them go on sleepovers or hosting sleepovers?

Why are these little horrors so badly brought up?

I'd have expected the mum to let my ds send a text and wait for a reply from me, to tell me that he wasn't able to keep his phone, then we could have decided if he was happy with that and I'd have decided if I was. Or if not that, then proper warning before he went. It was wrong to just take it away and assume this was ok, I'd have been annoyed.

Who are these teens who cannot be trusted with their phones?

If you think your child will engage in bullying or any other horrible behaviour with their phone when out of your sight, maybe don't let them loose in someone else's house overnight?

Agree with intermittent supervision but even by your description out of, for example, five hours from 7pm -midnight, the majority of that time will be unsupervised, albeit broken up by the occasional popping in of a parent. So yes it’s hours unsupervised.

“She shouldn’t have taken your son’s phone because it is not her place to decide whether your child can have a phone with him overnight or not” but it is her place to decide whether or not her son can sleep in the same room as other boys who have mobile phones and could potentially show him all sorts of inappropriate material.

I didn't have to be.

But my response was to a post where the poster said there would be long unsupervised stretches in any given sleepover, and I questioned that. Unless you know the children well, it's smart to supervise - sticking your head around the door and reminding them to brush teeth, wash faces, telling them when it's time for lights out, etc.

Fwiw, I didn't do sleepovers with more than one friend at a time except for special occasions like a birthday. My DCs had frequent sleepovers, one friend at a time.

The odd thing, and really the only odd thing, is you feeling judged by this parent. Why do you care? She obviously has different rules in her house, she obviously thinks her rules are best else she’d have allowed an exception, she may or may not be judging you for your rules. Why is this important to you?

FWIW we have a no-gadgets-in-bedrooms policy in our house, and sleepover friends sleep in my DCs’ bedrooms. By now my DC know to tell their friends this before they stay, if they don’t know it already. If a child can’t sleep over without a phone by their side, well I’m not prepared to be in loco parents for them. They’re not ready to be away from home. Sleepovers aren’t a human right! (My DD does actually have a friend who’s never had a sleepover yet because he HAS to be able to FaceTime his mum when he can’t sleep (he has sleep problems) and no parents in our circles allow gadgets in bedrooms. I think no sleepovers yet is a fair and reasonable outcome for this lad.)

And what about the other children there? What about the parents’ rules and preferences to not have their child in a bedroom with a camera and internet access? Or do they not matter?

Are you in the room all the time at your child’s sleepover?!