To be annoyed this mum took DS's phone

What 13 year old lad would need to phone his mummy because he missed her, especially when he is at his mates house, he would never live it down.

Did you raise sons that would engage in this belittling, bullying behaviour?

They wouldn't have been with a group of other kids though? So not using the camera for a start

I raised Four resilient, hard working, loving son's that are now in their 20s and there 30s and in healthy relationships. So i think i didn't do to bad in dragging them up.

And have you the faintest clue about what they were watching or doing with them?

I think she was fine. I would be very glad that the other parent had good boundaries.

Those of you saying "what if he felt upset" - he could easily ask the mum to phone home etc. This really is a non issue.

I would do exactly the same and if the other parent didn't like it then I wouldn't have the child over again. It's not like she did something dangerous!

What would you call it then?

My 15 year-old DGC is going on one next week

How happy will the OP's DS be to miss out on sleepovers in the future do you think?

If only...

But as it's as old as time I'm fairly sure that's a bit of a pipe dream

What is the world like then? Why can't teenagers speak to their friends ' parents anymore?

Surely you',re more independent without a phone?

Lost their children how? Are you suggesting I’m going to lose my children?

I’m not in competition with other parents. I just care about what I am doing and how my kids are. I trust my children and they have always been very open and honest with me if there are any issues. They are aware of cyber issues and u regularly check in with what they’re up to. I don’t have a prudish attitude which I think helps.

they also have very lovely friends

So I don’t need you telling me how to parent Mrs stranger on the internet

I think you need to do some research and look at work done by parents who've lost their children

Yes I’m amazed at the naivety of some parents!

I know that you think this stance makes you a better parent than those of us who understand and accept our children can and do make bad or silly choices sometimes.

it doesn’t.

She should have told you first. "Oh btw, I take the phones at night so if you need to get up with ds, please call the house or my cell as he won't have his after 9". Taking it is fine, taking it without informing me would have ticked me off too.

@Rosestulips or how wonderful that we are aware that children make mistakes which we don't want on the internet for eternity.

Family members work with children who have life long trauma due to parents having your opinion. Nobody thinks their child nor their friends will make an innocent mistake. A photo of a child changing, a dare etc.

Which would in no smartphone land would be a simple memory. A story told etc. In this world it becomes fodder for the horrendous humans in our society.

Let me be clear, all children make silly mistakes. As I tell my own they are meant to, we are one of the only species that arrive as a project as opposed as a fully functional being.

I always give my child and child guests access to a block phone. I put their parents numbers in it. I advise the parents what happens here, most have actually copied the idea. It provides safe access and reassurance to all.

So sad that many of you don’t trust your own children or their friends.

This thread is really depressing.

I hope this campaign to ban smart phones for under 16s actually does something.

YANBU I really don't think any adult has the right to take away a guest child's only contact to home. Very isolating. Anything could have happened to make him feel uncomfortable and want to be collected that he may not have felt able to voice to her.

The boy was with adults who could contact parents /m- not at a dodgy party or stranded in the woods

My mother always taught us that we could ring home no matter how bad it is

This would have been my only concern. Children should feel able to contact their parents if they become uncomfortable. Lots of people on here have talked about the codes messages or emojis that their children can send at any time, so they can be picked up.

Yes, it wasn't something available to us oldies, but now it is. And if you've given your child that security blanket, having someone removed it without warning isn't great.
On the other hand I can imagine the trouble the parent would have to deal with if it turned out that the boys had online bullied someone, accessed porn, or got up to other trouble while in her care.

OP - if you are considered among the strictest of the people you know re phone controls, and this is a social group where it is known that a lot of kids have completely unrestricted access to the internet, doesn’t it then make even more sense that the other mum would want to set firm boundaries at a sleepover?

FWIW I get the impression that the mood around children and phones is changing - there’s much more of an awareness in the last year or so of how damaging phones can be. Most of your kids are older and the norms when your kids first went to secondary were different - I wonder if that’s why you feel responses on this thread don’t match your own circle.

I don't think a child who wouldn't be able to ask the adults in the house for help in an emergency is ready for sleepovers