To be annoyed this mum took DS's phone

Dunno 🤷‍♀️ but I don’t recall it being a word we used after primary years.

I wouldn't expect a 13 year old's parent to be having that conversation. It's one night and it sounds like they were already aware of the strictness re phones and chose to stay.

No need to apologise.

I think it’s important to trust them or they’ll find it hard to develop into young adulthood. my two have never gave me any reason not to trust them

I agree there are lots of unpreventable risks and all we can do is educate them on those risks, put steps in place to protect them and keep communication open.

but I think so many parents are helicoptering their kids so much they are not even developing any common sense to make their own decisions

edited for typo

Apologies, I wasn't suggesting that you didn't risk assess.

I just thought that your comment being sad for people was a bit unnecessary as there are a lot of risks out there that even the best parent can't prevent.

Thank you. Yes I do consider and risk assess situations.

Lots of people have made some incorrect assumptions about me and my parenting based on a comment I made about trust.

Maybe they’re projecting their own worries and feelings on to me

Good comeback. I’ll reiterate, I know my own child, sorry that’s so hard for people to accept. And I know I keep my own children safe with my sanctions and also by respecting them

🤣🤣🤣

I know my own child. Nothing naive about our relationship. Very open and honest. It’s called good communication. Try it

Not all children make good choices of friends all the time. Not all children behave impeccably in a group.
I think it's reasonable to risk assess situations your child is in and not just assume you can trust everyone they are with to always behave well.

This is staggeringly naive. Children’s brains aren’t fully developed - there’s a good reason for safeguarding.

I always feel happier if my kids can text me when staying at a friends....but on the two occasions they have had to come home it's actually been the host parent that has called me.
On the other hand my kids have received bullying messages from sleepovers and I might be concerned what they were getting up to so I think taking the phones away is reasonable if she was responsible for them at that time.

@Sux2buthen she removed the phone from the bedroom. Her home her rules. If the teen was unhappy I am sure they were free to leave or contact the parents to collect them.

I would strongly encourage those who permit phones in bedrooms with under 15 year olds read their regional child protection agency websites. No parental nor router permissions are secure, I've watched my ten year old show me how to bypass them on my phone.

Thankfully my children's friends are all of a similar mind and those that aren't we don't permit sleep overs simple.

@Rainrainrainrainrainrainrain she has no right to remove any of his property at all, whether it's a phone or a pair of socks.

They will have to get the bus etc. so will need to have independence and at that age will be wanting to go out with their friends

Phones make young people,less independent.

We're not talking about taking, stealing or confiscating. The phone would just be left outside of the bedroom and returned in the morning.

Some people talk about their phones like it's some kind of priceless artefact/ newborn baby/part of their body.

I agree with her but would have pre-warned about her policy.

A tech savvy 12,13,14 year old can easy get through parental controls.

I’ve seen it happen in my line of work and have been amazed at the naivety of some parents regarding their kids abilities.

My friends 10 year old managed to set up a proxy server (or something like that) to watch TV from another country and also accessed child porn which he thought was porn for kids.

I agree! My DC will definitely have phones when they go to high school (maybe earlier but there still younger so I’ve not thought that far). They will have to get the bus etc. so will need to have independence and at that age will be wanting to go out with their friends. I would feel reassured that they were able to text/ call if they needed anything.

Most 13/14 year olds must have a phone these days (they did 15 years ago when I was that age). The mum should just get her DS a phone instead of relying on your DS, even if it wasn’t a smart phone and he just used it to call/ text.

This would irritate me. Not having a phone is fine but using someone else to provide the info she wants is not on. I'd be bringing that up with her before I'd be getting annoyed about the sleepover.
I would have no problem with a screen free sleepover. I found it more annoying on a few occasions when my DS and friends stayed up all night on phones because the parent "left them to it".
And those parents whose kids only have lovely friends, you can't always control who is on a sleepover. One of DS's lovely friends had a few less lovely friends who would be exactly the types to be filming and larking about.

This!
I’m a teacher and some of the horror stories (and consequences) I’ve heard about things kids this age get up to on phones at sleepovers is shocking. Be grateful she’s being a responsible parent.

Thing is that teenage boys can't send dick pics to 12 year old girls or access violent pornography on a plastic wallet containing £10 and a Go Henry card or a 9ct gold chain.

Smartphones and social media are set up to be addictive and to facilitate inappropriate and harmful activity with no effective limits. We aren’t doing our children any favours by letting them have access to this stuff at 13, let alone unsupervised access at night.

This is a long watch but the statistics are compelling.

I am grateful that DC11 is at a school where phones and tablets are banned. He does not ask for a phone and won’t be getting one until well into his teens. Hopefully by then social media will be banned for the under 18s too.

But if that’s the case, I wouldn’t at 5, 6, 7, and 8 o clock either. Bedtime would make no difference.

The OP says because he has no phone he can’t go out alone and lacks independence.