To be annoyed this mum took DS's phone

yes? Mine is 14.

Uh Her House Her Rules.

At 13???

Do think this should have been said before the boys slept over so they were aware and had the choice as to go or not.

Honestly think if this was my child they would have phoned me to come home if they were asked to hand their mobile over! I know for a fact they wouldn’t be agreeing to a sleepover again!

I always let parents know this rule and let their kids know when they arrive. But at 13 I would fully expect my child to message me to let me know that their phone was getting put away for the night. When I get the kids to put their phones in the box on the hall table, I also ask them if anyone wants to call home to say goodnight and make sure they know where the phones are if they need them.

What makes you think that I was not sensible enough to discuss things?

I've come seriously close to losing my DD before and that leaves its mark on you. Anyone who would not have been willing to let her have her phone would not have been trusted by me to take care of her. How do you think I knew who those people were? It isn't hard to understand.

The end.

So he can't use the camera on the phone? How do you manage to block that?

I wouldn't like it. She can have whatever rules she likes in her house but not communicating beforehand wasn't OK imo.

Having to go and say is awful. It just is not good enough for me.

I think she overstepped. My child, my rules. I appreciate her right to make rules for her house, but they need to be clear before the sleepover. Then people can make the appropriate decision with their child.

Yabu. How was this mum to know that the other parents would have tight controls? For all she knew if phones were allowed in the bedroom they could have been up all night showing her child all manner of completely inappropriate and damaging things on the internet.
Sadly there are far too many parents who have little or no controls on when and how their children use phones. Sure there are plenty of parents like you, me and the sleepover mum who are on top of it, but also plenty who aren’t.

Her house her rules. And incidentally- while I think it's fine for kids to have phones-mine had them much younger that the Mumsnet norm, I do have a real problem with tracking kids.

How do you know that there wasn't a way for the child to communicate with his mum. He was told no phones overnight. He wasn't locked in a padded cell. I would also assume that you would ask for the phone number of the adult who was going to be responsible for your child's care before you let them sleepover.

YANBU. If this had happened to my child I’d not be happy.

If my daughter was uncomfortable or wanted to come home for any reason she would text me discreetly. Other parent has crossed the line here.

I trust my daughter doesn’t use her phone inappropriately

I feel like there should have been a little warning first or maybe a message sent to you saying that they didn't have phones after a certain time (or whatever) but in case of emergency, here's the number to call.

Other than that though, I think that sounds really healthy. She doesn't know your son like you do and probably doesn't vet all her sons friends and their parents for app restrictions and stuff.

I know I'd be cross if my child went for a sleepover and spent the whole night watching inappropriate videos on TikTok that she wouldn't normally have access to and that's likely how this mum feels.

I don't think what she did sounds wrong or bad but perhaps the execution wasn't ideal.

I would have assumed you might have mentioned this to the adults who were going to be responsible for her care.

It was probably different then and it's changed now.

I wouldn't be letting my kids stay over if I didn't have a means of contacting them or me.

I’d expect a parent of a child that has any type of health need to discuss any potential issue and adjustments I may need to make during a sleep over.

If you’re not sensible enough to do this and would rather stamp your feet like Rumplestiltskin, then it would be on you that your child missed out on a nice sleep over with their friend.

Exactly. If that had been my DD with her MH issues and I was suddenly unable to contact her because of some other parent's inflexible rule then I would have had to turn up at their house to check she was OK and hadn't gone wandering off not caring what happened to her.

It isn't always as black and white as some people seem to think. Of course I wanted my DD to have a social life, but because of her very real issues I couldn't just allow her to be uncontactable.

What a lovely attitude to be passing on to your child. That they will avail of someone's kindness and hospitality but will ignore the rules and customs of that home.

Good for her. Did it really matter? How do you think people managed at Sleepovers before phones.

Did you let the parents know you’d be doing this, in advance?

The bigger picture here is how ready and comfortable you and your child are with letting him sleep out of the home. It is perfectly normal and common for households to have a no phone overnight policy. But you and your child's reaction to it are perhaps less common.

If your son was really uncomfortable when asked to give up his phone, he could have said no. But he didn't. So either he was actually ok with it but thought it was a bit weird and this has now been made a bigger deal than it actually was. Or he did something he was deeply uncomfortable with and didn't say no or make any attempt to contact you to tell you at the time, which is actually more concerning.

To those saying that a child must have a phone in case they need to get in touch- what happens when they lose their phone, it runs out of battery, gets hidden etc. should you send them with a back up phone?? No you should either not let your child go to sleepovers or you should prepare your child for curve-balls in life.

Totally agree with this!