To be annoyed this mum took DS's phone

Exactly this. Phones are not a panacea for all sleepover issues and before you let your child become someone else's responsibility you should make sure that they can cope with being away overnight, or at the very least what to do when they can't cope anymore and their phone is not available to them.

It's terrible, whether you do it or not. What difference do you think that makes?!

its irresponsible.

TO be honest my main concern would be if he wanted to text to say come get me as he felt unsafe - he was denied that opportunity.

Other than that I don't have an issue with don't use it - maybe keep it somewhere he can get at it to message home if needed etc

It’s not terrible at all. I do the same (also had a what feels like a million sleepovers).

Honestly there is a growing movement to try to reverse this utter dependency on smart phones in teenagers and I am absolutely here for it.

That's terrible. So you basically allowed children to have unfettered access to the internet?

So at 2am you’d be happy for someone else’s child to come and wake you up so they can text their parent if for any reason they were wanted to go home? How many children do you think would also be confident enough to do that?

DD is 9yo and has a couple of friends the same age who have phones.

I don't care what parental controls their parents have implemented, while in my care they don't take the phones up into her bedroom. I'm not facilitating unobserved access to the internet/messaging/videoing/social media/photos and whatever else they've figured out how to do.

I would rather be seen as strict and judgy than risk having a group of kids bullying others via Snapchat while in my control, or taking inappropriate pictures/videos. I also want to be aware of what my kid is seeing online and that they're not being exposed to inappropriate content. The easiest way to do that is to keep phone usage to areas of the house where adults are present.

Christ. if they can’t approach the parent with an issue then they shouldn’t be sleeping over.

We don’t have phones in bedrooms overnight here but the house rules in the house where your DC was sound a bit strict. These are 13 and 14 year olds? We call that a ‘sleep over”? Odd terminology for that age group. Is this post by a bot?

I attended a school's phone safety session recently. They advised exactly what this parent did. The reports of inappropriate photos being taken and shared are astronomical.

She did you a favour. I would advise anyone sending their child the rule is no phones in bedrooms end of. Too many innocent bad decisions ending up on the internet for eternity.

I didn't want my DD having to approach the parents either. She would have been far too emotional and unable to cope.

The parents were usually aware that she did have issues, but I wouldn't have wanted her to be forced to discuss them with them. She'd have been more likely to have just gone walking and turned up anywhere when things were at their worst for her.

Never mind though, on here we are currently talking with people who have no experience of these things but who know absolutely how it should all be dealt with.

Best to keep him in Your House, in that case. Your rules don't apply when he's under someone else's roof.

Smart phones should be banned for under 16s. I really wish this wasn’t even a debate. Your average 13 year old isn’t equipped to handle unfettered access to the internet (I know your child’s access is restricted OP but I strongly suspect that this is not the case most of the time).

By all means give them an old Nokia if you need to contact them 24/7 but no 13 year old needs a smartphone.

I take away phones at sleepovers but also tell parents no phones in bedrooms is my rule. I would give a child back their phone to contact a parent though

Your ranty reply is what makes me believe you wouldn’t be sensible enough to have a conversation-completely inventing that I would take no account of a childs health needs.

The taking of his wallet or jewellery is such a flawed analogy. His wallet or jewellery has no potential to damage her son, so she’d have no cause to do that. However a smartphone (potentially with no parental controls installed) could absolutely cause harm so she has good reason to say no phones overnight.

I agree, my daughter and I agree a discreet way she is to contact me if she’s not happy for any reason. Not having her phone would take that assurance away

Definitely her house her rules but she was BU for not communicating that beforehand.

I must be the worst parent ever because I’ve never taken my kids’ phones off them overnight. They usually put it on charge at sleep time.

I also don’t understand (apart from if they were on them when they should be asleep) what could happen after 9 o’clock (or whenever) that couldn’t happen before then.

Yes, but it tends to scare people off until they know DD, which the sensible ones soon did.

Didn't even enter my head to tell them.
They knew where their children were, they knew my address and 'phone number, I knew all of their's'.

I’d be peed off if someone took my daughters phone.

i like to know that I can contact her and vice versa, she has Asperger’s and I’ve collected her early when an issue has come up. And no, I don’t expect her to approach the parent.

it seems like a lot of you do not trust what your child is getting up to on their phones to be honest