To be annoyed this mum took DS's phone

The number of parents not only just not getting why a parent would do this but also being mortally offended by the very suggestion of it is seriously depressing.

Are these people just ok with their kids looking at violent porn and other inappropriate material, let alone all the other awful things about tech, cos that is literally what is happening now, to all our kids. You can claim 'not my kid' like OP but there are stats.

It actually beggars belief that so many parents willingly sign their children up for this and there isn't more of an outcry.

Perhaps he was accessing inappropriate material, taking photos etc.

@StealthMama Oh give over! 😂 talk about drama lama.

Oh yes it does put you in a very awkward position.
I am always surprised at children ( and adults) who think they can do whatever they want at someone else's house.

I did, several times and the child (8yo) didn't. What I should have done is called her parents to take her home.

It puts you in an awkward position, having to parent a child with vastly different use of technology than my own child

Just ask guests to put phones away.

This why I'm not keen on sleepovers. My (primary aged) kids don't have phones. Some of her friends have had phones since 6yo and now kids arrive with their own tech on playdates, meaning instead of playing, they all slump in front of yotube. What exactly are you meant to do as the hosting parents? I had to confiscate an ipad off a child playing loud music at a sleepover at 10.30pm.

Uugghh it puts me off inviting anyone round.....

And this is why we are raising a generation off snowflakes.

Proper safeguarding in a digital world is critical. Encouraging self righteousness and consumerism is not.

You're protecting your child from the wrong things.

In this hypothetical situation I guess it depends on what the situation is and why she would want to come home. It’s never actually happened by the way.

I’d hate that my child was stuck there upset and uncomfortable though.

Just say there is a family member who was making her feel uncomfortable, would I be overreacting to remove her from that situation? I don’t think so.

I’d just send them home.

😂😂 "questionable character"? So OTT! They kept a phone out of the bedroom overnight for sound safeguarding reasons, they've not stolen it and sold it on eBay.

also, of course you'd remove a child's possessions. If they turned up with a bottle of vodka/knife/porn magazine I bet you'd take those away and not give them back.

I would love to think this is a parody but sadly not probably.

I would never dream of taking a child’s property from them at any sleepover at my house. It’s utterly wrong. A real overstep and sign of questionable character. Someone to be wary of going forward.

I wouldn’t send him there again and I would make sure the mum knew why.

This thread brilliantly illustrates why so many teens and young adults ( not all, by any means) are woefully underprepared for life, lack resilience and are utterly self regarding.

And that’s absolutely your prerogative to get her but do you not think you’d be over reacting a bit?

I agree, the woman is a CF. Double standards much

She has no right to be going through your son if she can’t be arsed to get her own child a phone

You know what, OP, I would tell your son to text her back with, "Who dis?", "Soz, wrong number".

And maybe immediately block her, because it's clearly "someone he doesn't know and he understands safe phone use".

You could tell the mother that DS got a new phone, and don't give his number to her.

She's a cheeky mare, expecting you to subsidise her communication with her child while not dealing with whatever anxiety she has allowed to gain control of her.

Just because one clearly disturbed child went to all that trouble doesn't mean the rest of them are savvy enough or have the inclination to deceive and to seek out inappropriate material.

It's not naive to say this. Surely you can agree that the majority of parents and children have relationships based on well-founded trust?

OP, I think you make some really solid points about why your child having a phone is important to you, aswell as the benefits, tracking, ticketing etc. You sound very responsible and involved in your DC’s phone use.

I also think parents who can see or have experienced the darker side of pre-teens/teens having a phone is absolutely valid too. Unfortunately these situations happen frequently and the finger is usually pointed at the parent in charge at the time. I don’t think the Mum judges you or your son for the phone, I believe she wanted to minimise the potential of something happening whilst other kids were in her care.

For those who want to contact their children or vice versa, there is also the option of a Kidsnav. Regardless of whether it’s accepted or not, kids having phones is a contentious issue, which I do not imagine will vanish anytime soon. I believe it’s worth exploring avenues which appease both phone advocates and those against it for young ones. We ultimately all want to keep our kids safe.. that’s the common ground we all share here.

@Rosestulips absolutely…. I wouldn’t want any of DD’s sleepover friends feeling unhappy in the night and unable to wake me. I’m not stopping them speaking to their parents but we all know what groups of kids can be like when they get together and phones inflame situations. If anyone at a sleepover in my house was upset and wanted to contact home they’d be given back their phone until the parent either helped calmed them down or collected them. If the former, the phone would be handed back before returning to the sleepover

I couldn't get my knickers in a twist over this. It's one night, no harm was done and you're assuming she's judging you. It's probably a house rule they have so he needs to follow it!

So did we - I never did many, as I disliked them, but they were always called sleepovers.

It’s “playdates” we didn’t have - it was someone coming round to play / for tea.

We called it a sleepover in the '90's.

Sleepover is quite American I think. We used to say “can so-and-so stay the night?” But it never had a name as such.

I miss the 90s.