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Original poster

BF booked surprise trip knowing big birthday bash arranged

388 replies

Grumpynan · 28/03/2024 14:15

Little long winded, so sorry.

little back history, daughter 30 on Easter Saturday, lives with us and her younger sister, moved back home about 18 months ago after a really bad couple of years. Slowly recovered, her health improved and she’s getting her life back and got a new BF about 4 months ago.

last year her birthday was not so good, but made the best of things and tried to make it special for her. About 6 months ago DH and I got talking and decided to book something special this birthday, it is Easter after all, and she’s 30 !. So we booked a lovely cottage in Devon, it’s huge, all her brothers/SIL’S/neices/nephews and 2 of her best friend are coming 12 adults and 6 children !.

so far she knows nothing about it, the plan is for everyone to travel down Friday (tomorrow) and be there when we arrive at lunch time. We will tell her when she gets in from work tonight so she can pack. As far as she’s concerned it’s a quiet Easter as everyone has other plans.

discussed all this with BF a few weeks ago when it was obvious they were getting serious and he will need to be included. Plan with him to arrive tonight to have dinner, bringing his bags with him !.

so this morning he messaged, all good, bags packed and he’s coming straight from work. Wanted to know when everyone would be giving gifts ? I replied probably Saturday morning . He then came back with “ brilliant I’ll try and hold back that long , but I’m so excited I might give her mine tonight 😂 “. I replied, “ sounds intriguing, do I get any clues, or is it a secret? ‘

his reply ——- “ I’ve booked tickets for a show in London she wants to see, it’s on Saturday, so I’ve booked to stay in a posh hotel Saturday night, so we will get to spend the weekend in London and I can really spoil her “

what the f*&%

I asked him about the holiday we’ve arranged and the table we’ve booked for Saturday to celebrate, he knew all the arrangements, and seemed happy with them, I’m just totally bemused.

hes just replied, to say he has it all planned, travel with us tomorrow morning as planned, open presents Saturday morning with the family, then he will whisk her away late Saturday morning for a lovely weekend in London, then see us at home sometime Monday when we come home 🤷🏼‍♀️

I haven’t told the family yet, DH is out until 3 so will tell him then. I just don’t know where to go from here .

sit in the corner and cry, shout and scream at him, just go with it. Whatever happens now, it’s ruined as far as I’m concerned. I know that sounds selfish, god knows what my DD will say, do I tell her what’s planned for the weekend or go along with his changes ?

OP posts:
HoHoHoliday · 28/03/2024 18:13

She's had a lucky escape from that one! And at least that all happened today and not in the middle of the weekend. You can now go off and enjoy yourselves uninterrupted.
You all sound like a lovely family. I would be thrilled if my family surprised me with a weekend gathering like this!

NeedToChangeName · 28/03/2024 18:13

Good update OP

Hope you have a great weekend

Happyandglorious98 · 28/03/2024 18:13

Happy for u OP sounds great I hope you all have a great time 😍

Wiseoldminerva · 28/03/2024 18:12

Chatonette · 28/03/2024 18:08

What? I’m really confused about what happened after BF collected DD from work.

The boyfriend gave her theatre tickets but said “our Tony got these for Debbie but Debbie said she didn’t want to go so happy birthday, we can go instead.”

DD said “Stick your second hand present” and dickhead boyfriend said “yeah? Well, your parents have booked a weekend away with 30 family members so you’ll have to do that instead.” So DD said “fuck off, take the tickets and go with your Tony and don’t come back. I’m going home to get pissed and eat pizza, you nob.”

ToxicChristmas · 28/03/2024 18:12

Well, that's problem easily solved then.
Bit lost with how it went down (so has she chucked him because of the present? Or has he chucked her in a strop?) but have a great weekend away! Hope the weather improves!

WitchWithoutChips · 28/03/2024 18:11

What a shit! Thank goodness you have such a lovely weekend planned for her. You sound like a lovely family.

BandyMcBandface · 28/03/2024 18:09

The update definitely puts him in the “dickhead” category.

Hope you all have a lovely weekend and your daughter is not too upset by the break-up

Chatonette · 28/03/2024 18:08

What? I’m really confused about what happened after BF collected DD from work.

Wiseoldminerva · 28/03/2024 18:08

Cheering! Yay!!!!

God that lad was a dickhead.

BirthdayRainbow · 28/03/2024 18:07

How did she find out it was her boyfriends brothers wife's rejected present?

NeedToChangeName · 28/03/2024 18:07

LoseMeLikeAnArrow · 28/03/2024 16:03

Maybe give him the opportunity to rearrange - it will be enlightening how he reacts:

"Hi Sydney, we have given this a lot of thought and given that we have a family meal booked for our daughter's birthday on the Saturday night, it really won't be a good thing for you to change the plans that we've had in place for our daughter for the last 6 months. Our plans have always included the wider family and friends. We invited you as a guest. Perhaps you didn't mean to ride roughshod over our celebration of Edith's 30th, but it is not something we are at all happy about. Please can you rebook for another date and we will not discuss this again? If you don't consider rebooking and this turns into a battle of wills, please consider yourself uninvited. Beryl."

Oh man, that's a hand grenade of a message!

I feel sorry for DD. At her age, I might have loved a dirty weekend in London with a new boyfriend, but it's obviously uncool that he's planned this knowing it clashes with your pre-arranged plans

I'd treat DD like an adult. Tell her your plans. Tell her you're aware BF has planned something different and you're not sure how best to approach it. Hopefully she'll realise that BF's being an idiot

SignoraVolpe · 28/03/2024 18:06

This is why I don’t do surprises.
I would hate to have anything sprung on me.

For my 50th dh decided to book a surprise trip to Rome. Somewhere I’d always wanted to go. He didn’t think about the fact I have a summer birthday and Rome was like a furnace for 4 days. An Italian friend told him he was mad but apparently my gift had to be on my birthday!
First time I’ve ever fainted from dehydration.

Original poster
Grumpynan · 28/03/2024 18:04

So it looks like both my daughters are now single 🙄

honestly if it was on tv you wouldn’t believe it 😮, DH has just gone to get a bottle of wine and order pizza, the solve all of all troubles.

it was my youngest who drank the wine, she split up with him, I’m not sorry, and she wasn’t either, he was really messing her arround.

we got to my DD work a little late, traffic and she had already left. I didn’t worry we came home via the bus stop but no sign of her so came straight back.

turns out, he collected her from work, and bought her home, they were walking the dog when we got in, she had left a note not knowing we had been to her work, assumed we were shopping or something. She came in, no BF, sat no throw herself down on the sofa according to DH, and told us he had given her an envelope as an early birthday present. Inside tickets etc, I looked innocent not sure where this was going, she actually laughed and told me she knows we know, she knows about the weekend he had told her when she rejected his present, a present his brothers wife had thrown back at the brother the week before !, apparently he was rather put out that she want a reject present and so told her about our present. Scum bag

so we are all going to eat pizza, drink wine, then pack for the weekend. Apparently the girls are off all men except their dad and possibly their brothers but that depends on what their birthday presents are 😂😂🙄.

honestly you couldn’t make it up.

OP posts:
HappiestSleeping · 28/03/2024 18:03

@Grumpynan sorry to ask, but is there an update yet?

I remember the days when it was appropriate to be nervous when meeting the parent's of a girlfriend. Nobody would have dreamed of riding, rough shod, over their plans, especially this early on.

The only way this could even remotely be recoverable for him would be if he throws himself on his sword and confesses he got it completely wrong. Even then.....

Pieceofpurplesky · 28/03/2024 18:02

Controlling after 4 months. 🚩🚩🚩

LouOver · 28/03/2024 18:01

Oh what a massive red flag, it should have bells on it.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 28/03/2024 18:01

What a twat

JawsStillScaresMe · 28/03/2024 18:00

WhateverMate · 28/03/2024 17:50

Lol, I'm pretty sure the OP's met her daughter before and will have an idea of what she likes/doesn't like.

Show quote history

Yes, but that can change when you’re in the exciting initial stages of a relationship.

If he has just booked the London trip without her knowing about the cottage, then I think it’s really concerning though, and surely she’ll be annoyed at him shitting all over her families plans that were all geared around her birthday. It’s so bad that she either must know about the cottage plan and didn’t fancy it, or he’s controlling and potentially the type to try to isolate her away from family, be possessive, want her all to himself etc.

That’s presuming OP made it clear that the whole point of the weekend was all about her daughters birthday, which I’m sure she must have.

Lavenderandbrown · 28/03/2024 17:56

Op I’m nervous for you! It sounds like a fabulous 30th birthday how generous and thoughtful of you and Ddad. bf will be disappointed but remind DD that 18 (?) people will be disappointed if she leaves
for London. Dear family who have been planning and packing and Negotiating work and driving to celebrate her. Of course she can’t leave she’s the birthday girl! BF can be disappointed he can request a refund or a work around on theatre dates in the future. I’m thinking it’s OUTRAGEOUS he thought his plans were going to be acceptable but I’m hoping he is just immature and maybe not accustomed to large family gatherings. But just in case be mindful of attempts to isolate her make her choose plans when he knows it’s an impossible choice. Please update us OP.

DrJoanAllenby · 28/03/2024 17:55

'Posh hotel' - with that phrase some be sounds incredibly down market.

You kept him in the loop about the arrangements and gave him a warm welcome and he's just gone behind your back possibly as a power trip to put her on the spot and make her choose you or him.

Whatever happens I would never make him welcome again.

BandyMcBandface · 28/03/2024 17:52

WhateverMate · 28/03/2024 17:50

Lol, I'm pretty sure the OP's met her daughter before and will have an idea of what she likes/doesn't like.

Show quote history

I’m just thinking of my mother trying to arrange something for my 30th. She would 100% have - with the best intentions - got it completely wrong.

sandyhappypeople · 28/03/2024 17:51

Any chance he's told her about the trip and they've decided she'd like a trip to london better?

custardlover · 28/03/2024 17:50

I think he's an idiot and I really hope there's been a massive misunderstanding somewhere along the line. Good luck OP

WhateverMate · 28/03/2024 17:50

theescapeladder · 28/03/2024 14:43

I'm going to go against the grain here, but my first thought was that booking a surprise weekend away for a grown up adult is a big no no in my book. There's just too much pressure and expectations. What if your DD doesn't really enjoy big family celebrations?

At her age I would much rather do something spontaneous and cool like going away with my new exciting BF. In fact being stuck in a cottage (did you check the weather forecast?) with family including 6 kids sounds like my idea of hell.

At least at 30 I would like to celebrate in my own way, not according to my parents' plans and ideas.

Lol, I'm pretty sure the OP's met her daughter before and will have an idea of what she likes/doesn't like.

JawsStillScaresMe · 28/03/2024 17:49

Is it possible that the BF has told her the family plans and she’s not that into it. So they’ve arranged a trip to London, seeing the family beforehand, but pretending she’s not aware of any of it.

If not, I think he’s a walking red flag.