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Original poster

BF booked surprise trip knowing big birthday bash arranged

388 replies

Grumpynan · 28/03/2024 14:15

Little long winded, so sorry.

little back history, daughter 30 on Easter Saturday, lives with us and her younger sister, moved back home about 18 months ago after a really bad couple of years. Slowly recovered, her health improved and she’s getting her life back and got a new BF about 4 months ago.

last year her birthday was not so good, but made the best of things and tried to make it special for her. About 6 months ago DH and I got talking and decided to book something special this birthday, it is Easter after all, and she’s 30 !. So we booked a lovely cottage in Devon, it’s huge, all her brothers/SIL’S/neices/nephews and 2 of her best friend are coming 12 adults and 6 children !.

so far she knows nothing about it, the plan is for everyone to travel down Friday (tomorrow) and be there when we arrive at lunch time. We will tell her when she gets in from work tonight so she can pack. As far as she’s concerned it’s a quiet Easter as everyone has other plans.

discussed all this with BF a few weeks ago when it was obvious they were getting serious and he will need to be included. Plan with him to arrive tonight to have dinner, bringing his bags with him !.

so this morning he messaged, all good, bags packed and he’s coming straight from work. Wanted to know when everyone would be giving gifts ? I replied probably Saturday morning . He then came back with “ brilliant I’ll try and hold back that long , but I’m so excited I might give her mine tonight 😂 “. I replied, “ sounds intriguing, do I get any clues, or is it a secret? ‘

his reply ——- “ I’ve booked tickets for a show in London she wants to see, it’s on Saturday, so I’ve booked to stay in a posh hotel Saturday night, so we will get to spend the weekend in London and I can really spoil her “

what the f*&%

I asked him about the holiday we’ve arranged and the table we’ve booked for Saturday to celebrate, he knew all the arrangements, and seemed happy with them, I’m just totally bemused.

hes just replied, to say he has it all planned, travel with us tomorrow morning as planned, open presents Saturday morning with the family, then he will whisk her away late Saturday morning for a lovely weekend in London, then see us at home sometime Monday when we come home 🤷🏼‍♀️

I haven’t told the family yet, DH is out until 3 so will tell him then. I just don’t know where to go from here .

sit in the corner and cry, shout and scream at him, just go with it. Whatever happens now, it’s ruined as far as I’m concerned. I know that sounds selfish, god knows what my DD will say, do I tell her what’s planned for the weekend or go along with his changes ?

OP posts:
STARCATCHER22 · 28/03/2024 23:14

Roryhon · 28/03/2024 21:03

I’m glad everything has worked out.

As an aside, without the issue of double booking, I can’t say I’d be upset that my boyfriend has got us second hand tickets for a show and posh hotel in London personally- I’d have been pleased he got a cheap deal for something nice, but perhaps that’s just me!

I’ve been thinking the same. Does seem a little ungrateful to be so up in arms. So what if it was second hand? He’s paid for it. I’m not really sure why everyone is congratulating the OP’s daughter for dumping him over it.

Codlingmoths · 28/03/2024 23:08

SignoraVolpe · 28/03/2024 18:06

This is why I don’t do surprises.
I would hate to have anything sprung on me.

For my 50th dh decided to book a surprise trip to Rome. Somewhere I’d always wanted to go. He didn’t think about the fact I have a summer birthday and Rome was like a furnace for 4 days. An Italian friend told him he was mad but apparently my gift had to be on my birthday!
First time I’ve ever fainted from dehydration.

This isn’t why you don’t do surprises. You don’t do surprises because you don’t like them. She seems perfectly happy with the weekend away her parents planned, so she does surprises, just not arsehole ones. Nobody does those.

Wattlemania · 28/03/2024 23:04

Good luck!

Bonbon21 · 28/03/2024 22:26

Just read your update.
Smart Girl!!
Knows her worth and dumped him.. hope you all have a lovely weekend!

LuckyBiscuit · 28/03/2024 22:26

Grumpynan · 28/03/2024 18:17

Apparently she was there when the brother was telling her BF, took her a minute to work out the connection, but was rather hurt that he would gift her a second hand gift, that’s how she sees it anyway. He got the strop and said he had paid his brother for them so it wasn’t a freebie, but if that wasn’t good enough for her then he would find someone else to take. I’m just glad after the time she’s had, she can laugh it off, I’ll be keeping a close eye on her though.

poor DH is feeling rather out numbered tonight, 😂😂, and has decided that sons are definitely easier than daughters 😂

Can I just say you sound like fabulous parents and your kids are lucky to have you. So glad it worked itself out without you having to step in - I think your daughters know what a great relationship looks like as they have you and DH to aspire to. I hope you all have a great weekend - it sounds brilliant and I’m sure all your guests are looking forward to it

Branleuse · 28/03/2024 22:11

What was the show?

thebestinterest · 28/03/2024 21:50

So he’s trying to compete with you
here? He sounds like someone I’d keep at arms length. who does that?

Rhoticity · 28/03/2024 21:43

Rhoticity · 28/03/2024 14:33

Lets see what happens with DD before we think red flags, if he comes clean and says he got the wrong end of the stick, and tries to move it then no harm

If he sulks like a baby, then theres the red flag and he is a twat

Show quote history

Yup, I was completely wrong

He's a twat

baby161214 · 28/03/2024 21:37

Oh dear sounds like a right twat

Dweetfidilove · 28/03/2024 21:19

Great outcome! He can enjoy the show (that no one else wants to see) with his brother 😀

IsEveryUserNameBloodyTaken · 28/03/2024 21:19

Delighted by the update.Was raging on your behalf.What a knob he is.Couldn't have worked out better, with the added bonus he showed his true colours by saying he would take someone else then, and your daughter has dumped him.
What a knob.

LoseMeLikeAnArrow · 28/03/2024 21:14

A couple of posters thought the tone of my proposed earlier message was a little harsh, so how about "Well...that worked out well for you, didn't it, you little shit." 😂😂😂

Roryhon · 28/03/2024 21:03

I’m glad everything has worked out.

As an aside, without the issue of double booking, I can’t say I’d be upset that my boyfriend has got us second hand tickets for a show and posh hotel in London personally- I’d have been pleased he got a cheap deal for something nice, but perhaps that’s just me!

Emotionalsupportviper · 28/03/2024 20:44

CruellaSeville · 28/03/2024 14:19

So this is her BF of 4 months? I'd sit her down right now and tell her exactly what has happened. The fact that he has completely trampled over your longstanding plan for her with all her family is a massive red flag. Who does he think he is?

Do not let him pretend his plan was the plan all along, make it clear that you discussed all this with him and have had this booked with everyone who loves her for months. She deserves to know so she can make an informed about what to do next.

This.

This is an attempt at control and to force her to choose him over her family.

She's very vulnerable from what you say and he could well have been "love-bombing" her.

He's an arsehole.

Edited to say I've just read the last page and it seems she's made the right decision. Also - I must remember to read OP's posts before steaming in.

As you were

clashreyne · 28/03/2024 20:40

Grumpynan · 28/03/2024 14:15

Little long winded, so sorry.

little back history, daughter 30 on Easter Saturday, lives with us and her younger sister, moved back home about 18 months ago after a really bad couple of years. Slowly recovered, her health improved and she’s getting her life back and got a new BF about 4 months ago.

last year her birthday was not so good, but made the best of things and tried to make it special for her. About 6 months ago DH and I got talking and decided to book something special this birthday, it is Easter after all, and she’s 30 !. So we booked a lovely cottage in Devon, it’s huge, all her brothers/SIL’S/neices/nephews and 2 of her best friend are coming 12 adults and 6 children !.

so far she knows nothing about it, the plan is for everyone to travel down Friday (tomorrow) and be there when we arrive at lunch time. We will tell her when she gets in from work tonight so she can pack. As far as she’s concerned it’s a quiet Easter as everyone has other plans.

discussed all this with BF a few weeks ago when it was obvious they were getting serious and he will need to be included. Plan with him to arrive tonight to have dinner, bringing his bags with him !.

so this morning he messaged, all good, bags packed and he’s coming straight from work. Wanted to know when everyone would be giving gifts ? I replied probably Saturday morning . He then came back with “ brilliant I’ll try and hold back that long , but I’m so excited I might give her mine tonight 😂 “. I replied, “ sounds intriguing, do I get any clues, or is it a secret? ‘

his reply ——- “ I’ve booked tickets for a show in London she wants to see, it’s on Saturday, so I’ve booked to stay in a posh hotel Saturday night, so we will get to spend the weekend in London and I can really spoil her “

what the f*&%

I asked him about the holiday we’ve arranged and the table we’ve booked for Saturday to celebrate, he knew all the arrangements, and seemed happy with them, I’m just totally bemused.

hes just replied, to say he has it all planned, travel with us tomorrow morning as planned, open presents Saturday morning with the family, then he will whisk her away late Saturday morning for a lovely weekend in London, then see us at home sometime Monday when we come home 🤷🏼‍♀️

I haven’t told the family yet, DH is out until 3 so will tell him then. I just don’t know where to go from here .

sit in the corner and cry, shout and scream at him, just go with it. Whatever happens now, it’s ruined as far as I’m concerned. I know that sounds selfish, god knows what my DD will say, do I tell her what’s planned for the weekend or go along with his changes ?

This a complete and utter red flag, he is showing his controlling side. He’s done this on purpose and he will pretend otherwise but don’t let him get away with it!!

Tlolljs · 28/03/2024 20:32

I’m curious to know what show it is.
Have a great weekend hope the weather is ok where you’re going.

BestieNo1 · 28/03/2024 20:29

@PuppyMonkey yes you're right! He's blaming the women for the dickhead boyfriends. Wta?? 🧐

Amazinggrace89 · 28/03/2024 20:20

I think this is a red flag of controlling and odd behaviour

pinkfondu · 28/03/2024 20:19

Honestly the best way it could have worked out

Flamingos89 · 28/03/2024 20:16

Either he has one brain cell - literally one. Or he is a controlling manipulator!

Definitely tell your daughter and her friends. I would call his also and tell him how disappointed you are after.

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/03/2024 20:10

It does sound like it was a coincidence that it was the same weekend but.....I dunno why but it still feels like there is something off about this. Someone who told you in advance about the plan to screw up your plans, who went out of his way to make sure that he got to DD first in order to get his own way and then threw a massive strop when it didnt work is not a nice person or is so immature that he shouldnt be allowed out on his own. He knew when he "bought" the tickets off his brother (bullshit imo) that it was that weekend. He didnt say "Oh thanks for the offer but DD is away with her family that weekend, he steamed on ahead anyway.

I am so glad that she got rid of him as this is the insidious way this shit starts. Give a year and he would be kicking off if she wants to see her family at all, making her feel bad that she wants to see anyone but him..... controlling behaviour due to insecurity and neediness or deliberately abusive, either way the end result is the same.

OK so I have no proof of that, but call it a hunch....

summersundays · 28/03/2024 20:09

Such great news it all worked out, and thank god before you were all there, and he announced it on the day without anyone knowing! Xx

LaviniasBigBloomers · 28/03/2024 20:09

Tell your DH sons might be easier, but he's done a cracking job with his brilliant DDs (and you too OP).

Doglover85 · 28/03/2024 20:07

Would love to know why the brothers wife threw it back too. How bad of a show was it?
Thrilled it's worked out for you. X

iwafs · 28/03/2024 20:03

What a slippery shit he sounds!