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Original poster

BF booked surprise trip knowing big birthday bash arranged

388 replies

Grumpynan · 28/03/2024 14:15

Little long winded, so sorry.

little back history, daughter 30 on Easter Saturday, lives with us and her younger sister, moved back home about 18 months ago after a really bad couple of years. Slowly recovered, her health improved and she’s getting her life back and got a new BF about 4 months ago.

last year her birthday was not so good, but made the best of things and tried to make it special for her. About 6 months ago DH and I got talking and decided to book something special this birthday, it is Easter after all, and she’s 30 !. So we booked a lovely cottage in Devon, it’s huge, all her brothers/SIL’S/neices/nephews and 2 of her best friend are coming 12 adults and 6 children !.

so far she knows nothing about it, the plan is for everyone to travel down Friday (tomorrow) and be there when we arrive at lunch time. We will tell her when she gets in from work tonight so she can pack. As far as she’s concerned it’s a quiet Easter as everyone has other plans.

discussed all this with BF a few weeks ago when it was obvious they were getting serious and he will need to be included. Plan with him to arrive tonight to have dinner, bringing his bags with him !.

so this morning he messaged, all good, bags packed and he’s coming straight from work. Wanted to know when everyone would be giving gifts ? I replied probably Saturday morning . He then came back with “ brilliant I’ll try and hold back that long , but I’m so excited I might give her mine tonight 😂 “. I replied, “ sounds intriguing, do I get any clues, or is it a secret? ‘

his reply ——- “ I’ve booked tickets for a show in London she wants to see, it’s on Saturday, so I’ve booked to stay in a posh hotel Saturday night, so we will get to spend the weekend in London and I can really spoil her “

what the f*&%

I asked him about the holiday we’ve arranged and the table we’ve booked for Saturday to celebrate, he knew all the arrangements, and seemed happy with them, I’m just totally bemused.

hes just replied, to say he has it all planned, travel with us tomorrow morning as planned, open presents Saturday morning with the family, then he will whisk her away late Saturday morning for a lovely weekend in London, then see us at home sometime Monday when we come home 🤷🏼‍♀️

I haven’t told the family yet, DH is out until 3 so will tell him then. I just don’t know where to go from here .

sit in the corner and cry, shout and scream at him, just go with it. Whatever happens now, it’s ruined as far as I’m concerned. I know that sounds selfish, god knows what my DD will say, do I tell her what’s planned for the weekend or go along with his changes ?

OP posts:
Marchintospring · 30/03/2024 09:49

I'm not arguing! I'm debating an alternative veiwpoint. People do it all the time

Why is that odd?

pinkyredrose · 30/03/2024 09:48

Marchintospring · 30/03/2024 09:42

Oh and I posted because of the scenario. Even hypothetically.

Hes only controlling in my book if he bought the tickets himself and set the brother up to pretend they were his originally ( knowing the Ops plans).

Otherwise it's seems perfectly reasonable to use them. Who else would you take but your girlfriend who has a big birthday on that day.

Need a ladder to help with that reach?

Noyesnoyes · 30/03/2024 09:44

Marchintospring · 30/03/2024 09:35

@Noyesnoyes

My thoughts were the boyfriend hadn't planned anything big because it's only 4 months in. Then the opportunity came up.
Personally if my boyfriend lived at home and his family were taking him to Devon for his birthday I'd assume they hadn't really put much effort into it. It's a nice thing to do ( for everyone) not a "special" 30th surprise. They were going to do the morning in Devon.

Awaits some massive drip feed anyway.

Edited

You're still arguing on something to don't even believe happened?

Again odd!

Marchintospring · 30/03/2024 09:42

Oh and I posted because of the scenario. Even hypothetically.

Hes only controlling in my book if he bought the tickets himself and set the brother up to pretend they were his originally ( knowing the Ops plans).

Otherwise it's seems perfectly reasonable to use them. Who else would you take but your girlfriend who has a big birthday on that day.

Marchintospring · 30/03/2024 09:35

@Noyesnoyes

My thoughts were the boyfriend hadn't planned anything big because it's only 4 months in. Then the opportunity came up.
Personally if my boyfriend lived at home and his family were taking him to Devon for his birthday I'd assume they hadn't really put much effort into it. It's a nice thing to do ( for everyone) not a "special" 30th surprise. They were going to do the morning in Devon.

Awaits some massive drip feed anyway.

Noyesnoyes · 30/03/2024 07:07

Marchintospring · 30/03/2024 06:31

@Noyesnoyes Really.

Sorry to me its an Easter family weekend away rather than an amazing birthday surprise for a grown woman. She lives at home with half of them. If I was the mum I'd be pleased she was given tickets and a hotel to a London show she wanted to see. Lots of tickets are through 3rd party sellers because who wastes unwanted tickets.

Anyway I agree with @crockofshite it doesn't sound likely actually.

Second hand tickets! Ones that were bought for someone else, so he just used them because they were there? He didn't put any thought into at all.

If you don't believe it, why bother posting? That's just odd.

ilovemyrolo · 30/03/2024 06:51

Please let us know how the weekend turned out, that lads behaviour is bizarre and VERY worrying unless he's a lot simple maybe.

Rosscameasdoody · 30/03/2024 06:49

anon4net · 30/03/2024 02:57

This is a red flag for someone who is controlling and distancing her from family. Be honest with her, show her any evidence and hopefully she breaks up with him.

She’s already broken up with him.

Marchintospring · 30/03/2024 06:31

@Noyesnoyes Really.

Sorry to me its an Easter family weekend away rather than an amazing birthday surprise for a grown woman. She lives at home with half of them. If I was the mum I'd be pleased she was given tickets and a hotel to a London show she wanted to see. Lots of tickets are through 3rd party sellers because who wastes unwanted tickets.

Anyway I agree with @crockofshite it doesn't sound likely actually.

Noyesnoyes · 30/03/2024 04:22

Marchintospring · 29/03/2024 23:49

I’ve only read the Ops posts but I don’t see him as controlling and red flags.

Yes the tickets/hotel were organised by his brother first but surely that demonstrates he wasn’t planning to snatch her away from the bosom of her family. It was an opportunity that feel into his lap.
Maybe he thought it would be something memorable and appropriate for a 30th fir his new girlfriend?

Shes 30. I understand she’s had a rough few birthdays in the past but a weekend in country cottage with the family you live with anyway sounds a lot odder as a surprise than a weekend in London.

Really?

A boyfriend of four months knowingly wrecking a planned weekend away with multiple family, is not a red flag?

anon4net · 30/03/2024 02:57

This is a red flag for someone who is controlling and distancing her from family. Be honest with her, show her any evidence and hopefully she breaks up with him.

crockofshite · 30/03/2024 00:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Marchintospring · 30/03/2024 00:15

They’ve only been together 4 months . I can’t imagine staying a whole weekend with someone else’s immediate family in country cottage at that age. It’s not as if it’s a big friends and family bash is it.
He was going down for the Friday / Sat morning. .Surely it’s just normal that he might want to do something special with just her?

Spywoman · 30/03/2024 00:04

Interesting how many people fail to see red flags where others see the situation screaming controlling idiot.

Maybe if you've never met any controlling tossers you might be sceptical... or if you're a controlling cock yourself you might not wish to see women getting together to give great advice.

Whatever this is such good news OP. You sound like a fantastic mum and I wish I'd had you there when I was negotiating the dating scene as I wouldn't have made some colossal cock-ups.

Milkandnosugarplease · 29/03/2024 23:56

Your daughter had a lucky escape from that knob !

Marchintospring · 29/03/2024 23:49

I’ve only read the Ops posts but I don’t see him as controlling and red flags.

Yes the tickets/hotel were organised by his brother first but surely that demonstrates he wasn’t planning to snatch her away from the bosom of her family. It was an opportunity that feel into his lap.
Maybe he thought it would be something memorable and appropriate for a 30th fir his new girlfriend?

Shes 30. I understand she’s had a rough few birthdays in the past but a weekend in country cottage with the family you live with anyway sounds a lot odder as a surprise than a weekend in London.

Saintmariesleuth · 29/03/2024 23:20

@Rewis I know it's not the point of the thread, but I wondered the same thing!

I hope your daughter starts to recover from her heartbreak soon OP

Rosscameasdoody · 29/03/2024 23:17

Rewis · 29/03/2024 23:12

But why did the ex's brother partner reject the gift?!

So glad l’m not the only one who wants to know this !! OP ?

Upallnight2 · 29/03/2024 23:17

JimBeamCoke · 28/03/2024 17:28

Just read your other post about the DD and BF drinking your birthday wine. I remember reading this a few weeks ago. Based on that post I don’t think they are going to care what is planned with family and probably do what they want! 😟

Oh.. is this the one with the loud sex as well? 😬

GingersOwner26 · 29/03/2024 23:16

OldPerson · 29/03/2024 20:51

I'd say this comes under the category of piss poor planning and communication. I don't know how this family works - but all family work on dramas. What exactly shouted out that this entire get-together was to celebrate a birthday of a single individual. I think the entire family just wanted to get together and daughter birthday got shovelled on the back end.
I also think boyfriend is a keeper for making the event about his partner and taking her to a show in London.
So what we're left with is all the family getting together. Hurrah!
And bday girl turning up and being celebrated with all her family. Hurrah!
Willing to bet Mum is not paying for everything, and everyone paying has their own agenda for enjoyment.
I'd definitely call the boyfriend a keeper.
Because not once has mum considered what would make her daughter happiest.

Making the event about his partner? Dude didn't even arrange the event himself, it was all about his brother's partner in the first instance! I don't think it was the OP who was doing the piss poor planning. OP and family, hope you're having a great time all together!

Rosscameasdoody · 29/03/2024 23:16

Lyraloo · 29/03/2024 18:43

Who the hell are the 3% of people that think the OP is being unreasonable. Get a grip!!

There’s at least one who thinks OP and her family are the twats and the boyfriend is a keeper !!

pam290358 · 29/03/2024 23:13

OldPerson · 29/03/2024 20:51

I'd say this comes under the category of piss poor planning and communication. I don't know how this family works - but all family work on dramas. What exactly shouted out that this entire get-together was to celebrate a birthday of a single individual. I think the entire family just wanted to get together and daughter birthday got shovelled on the back end.
I also think boyfriend is a keeper for making the event about his partner and taking her to a show in London.
So what we're left with is all the family getting together. Hurrah!
And bday girl turning up and being celebrated with all her family. Hurrah!
Willing to bet Mum is not paying for everything, and everyone paying has their own agenda for enjoyment.
I'd definitely call the boyfriend a keeper.
Because not once has mum considered what would make her daughter happiest.

What a load of codswallop !! It was meant as a surprise for DD because she’s had some health issues. Planned well in advance and then, despite knowing all about it, boyfriend tried to sabotage it because some tickets fell into his lap at the last minute. DD saw through it and evidently chose to be with her family rather than a devious controlling twat.

Rewis · 29/03/2024 23:12

But why did the ex's brother partner reject the gift?!

Copperoliverbear · 29/03/2024 23:01

Sorry missed a bit.
Glad they have got rid of them and you can have a great weekend

Copperoliverbear · 29/03/2024 22:52

I'd tell him he has to change it for the following weekend.