For DH to insist on vaginal birth not ceasarean

He doesn’t sound like a nice guy. And as a previous poster has pointed out, abuse often starts or ramps up in pregnancy.

I’d suggest she finds someone else to be her birthing partner. A man who wants to ‘insist’ on vaginal birth is not a man that I’d trust to support me through what can be a difficult and traumatic experience. I needed my DH to advocate for me at times, and needed to know I could trust him. That doesn’t sound likely here. Is he likely to insist on other things like no pain relief? How will he respond if she needs an emergency c-section?

I've had four vaginal births, 2 of those with gas and air and one with a failed epidural and a little pethedine. One with nothing. It was not the most painful thing I've ever experienced at all. Not by a mile. It hurt, yes. But it was absolutely nothing compared to the burning relentless agony of infected gout in my hip joint or gall stones.

Unless your pain relief fails during the section.

Sounds like this man and you clearly have no idea about giving birth. ‘A lot less hassle….’?? Seriously? It’s manor abdominal surgery literally cutting into your stomach. Either way of giving birth can be painful.

Also, stop defending him. He clearly isn’t a perfect partner is he by ‘insisting’ how someone else gives birth ffs.

I didn’t even get the pain injection! The diamorphine or morphine, whatever they call it. The midwife said it would slow things down and I was doing fine. I was not fine. I’d been pushing for 3 hours after labouring all night long, the consultant had seen me and baby wasn’t in distress so they decided to let me keep pushing. I asked for pain relief and the midwife said no.

Women are treated like they’re worth nothing in the NHS.

And now this woman is being treated like her needs are worth nothing to her husband as well. Who the fuck does he think he is?

It is major abdominal surgery. They cut through your stomach and then cut through your uterus, reach inside you and pull your baby out. In most cases the surgery is under local anaesthetic, so you don’t feel the pain at that moment but you are still awake and can still be aware of “tugging”. After that, when the local anaesthetic has worn off, you’ve still had major surgery. Your friend may need to be given blood thinner injections to take every day for two weeks, which really fucking sting. The scar may get infected. She will want to hold a cushion to her stomach when she coughs or sneezes for a few weeks because that jolt will hurt her. She will not be able to drive for 6 weeks or lift anything heavier than her newborn because she had major abdominal surgery. It’s not an easy, pain free route.

The husband doesn’t get a day in how she delivers her baby but if she’s honestly just thinking cs is the “easy” route she probably needs a good dose of reality.

It's not up to the husband to decide how a woman gives birth it is the woman's choice.
But your friend needs to know exactly what a c section entails. She will be in pain after the operation. Also she can have a pain free vaginal birth if she has an epidural . Ultimately it is her choice but she needs to be well informed.

In some medical situations the decision can be taken away from the mother because a section is needed so the baby survives.

I'm not aware that medical staff actually consult the father in emergency situations but I'm not a medic so maybe I'm wrong.

He sounds like he has absolutely no clue what giving birth involves, either way. His job in the process is to support his wife and he sounds like has no clue about that either.

Poor woman.

You can ask for a CS for any reason
The fact you "can't imagine" is irrelevant, NHS guidance isnt your imagination! It's very common and if you ask consultants can't just refuse it because it's too awkward or they don't want to do it!

I agree with other posters, it's the "insist" that's the key part here. A "sweet guy" is entitled to his own opinion but nobody who thinks its appropriate to "insist" what another adult does with their body can be described as nice or sweet or caring.

The statistics are that female doctors have CS as a higher proportion than the general female population.

And female OBGYN have CS at a higher rate again than the general female doctor population.

*adjusted for age.

Is this for real? Unless its his vagina he doesn’t get a say.

I swear, I really need to get off the internet.

Being entitled to request one is one thing. Being granted one when there is no medical need is another thing altogether. I didn't even get the epidural I wanted because they just decided during my labour that I could manage fine without it. I can't imagine a medically unnecessary CS is going to be an easy thing to swing. The associated risks, the cost, the fact that you need several members of staff present including an anaesthetist and a consultant, instead of just a midwife. And a longer stay in hospital afterwards.

If I were your friend I’d say yes of course dear as long as I can shove a watermelon up your arse in between contractions.

For what it’s worth, I had an emergency c section and it was absolutely fine. Up and about as soon as the epidural wore off and driving again within a few weeks. No long term issues either.

Entitled to request. A maternal request cesarean is technically possible, but the NHS isn't currently awash with capacity for surgery, despite what this fictional absolutely lovely and basicaly perfect partner in every conceivable way might prefer.

This isn't true. If she is in the UK, then she is entitled to request a c section for any reason whatsoever. And if the consultant doesnt want to sign it off, she has the right to be referred to one who will.

OP, there are plenty of pros and cons to both vaginal and c section. Your friend should ask to have a birth options discussion with a consultant midwife, who will go through all the risks and benefits. I had a vaginal delivery with DC1 and only had gas & air - yes it hurt like hell, but it was a wonderful experience. For this pregnancy, i am required to have a c section for medical reasons but I've still had a brilliant discussion with the consultant midwife to talk everything through.

But its nothing to do with her DH and he needs to back off and let her decide what happens to her own body.

For you. You can only speak for yourself.

How would you possibly know this? Unless you are the "friend". And even then, it's overwhelmingly more likely that you are just completely blinkered.

Nice men who view women as equals and respect their partners, don't think they have a say in a woman's decision about her baby's birth. They believe in bodily autonomy for their partners. There is literally no way that this guy isn't a controlling prick in other ways.

Wonder how much of a truly lovely bloke he'd be having to squeeze a large pineapple out of his japper?!
I think you're friend needs to find someone who realises that actual childbirth isn't all about him!

TBH if thats his opinion thats fine.

I have the same opinion doesn't make me a terrible person, HOWEVER i also strongly advocate woman's choices and its is solely her choice and whilst his opinion is valid unless hes pushy, rude, aggressive or just being a right dick about it i think its fine for him to express.

To be honest it would depend on why he said it. Could it be he is worried sick about her. Find out why before we all say LTB.

obviously it his entirely her choice but maybe he needs reassurance that all will be ok

He’s trying to protect his wife and child from major surgery that can have long term ramifications. Clearly it’s her choice but doesn’t make him a bad guy.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be expressing concern about her having c-section if it’s not medically necessary, simply because it’s major surgery and the recovery from it will very likely be much longer and more painful than a vaginal birth. But it’s entirely her decision and if she truly feels it’s right for her then of course he needs to respect that. It’s her body! He doesn’t get to ‘insist’ on anything she chooses to do with it.

Seriously though what does "insist" mean? And what happens if she "insists" that she wants a CS?

Also- there is still pain involved with a CS- it just comes after the birth not during!