For DH to insist on vaginal birth not ceasarean

Good men don't believe they have the right to choose what kind of birth their partner has. By believing he has this right he becomes not a good man.

First off, it's none of his business. It is her decision.

However, even if she wants a CS she may not get one. If she goes in to labour before the planned date and things happen quickly, it may not be an option so she should really be considering other options and how to manage them.

This notion that childbirth is "the most painful thing that can happen to a woman" is nonsense. I have had much more painful experiences than childbirth. Putting my back out was the most painful experience I have ever had. A friend says gallstones was the worst she had.

That fear is also more likely to result in a more painful and difficult birth as being tense and anxious will increase pain levels. Knowing how best to manage your birth (e.g. active birthing in an upright position, breathing exercises etc) can reduce pain. Screaming is excellent at relaxing muscles. Having an epidural is also brilliant for pain relief in labour. I wouldn't recommend pethidine though. It's useless in my experience.

The recovery from a CS is generally more difficult than from a vaginal birth as you have had abdominal surgery.

I would recommend educating herself on the pros and cons of both and making a decision based on that research rather than a knee-jerk decision based on assumptions about what both are like.

@sunnylanding

yep

it’s a brilliant thing. And about time too

@Isittimeformynapyet I’m not usually dramatic but something about this horrified me. I think it’s the thought itself that there’s a man who thinks this way but then the fact he’s being sold to me a being “a nice guy”. It made my stomach turn.

Can you just demand a C-section these days?

I suppose a c-section is easier. No surprise on the timing and can be carried out relatively quickly. A vaginal birth can happen any time, take a while to complete and there may be various options to get you to the end of the process, with a seeming lack of control. I know which I prefer.

"Certainly"?

You have absolutely NO way of knowing that. Many abusive men take pleasure in presenting a false image to the rest of the world. It gives their victim no escape, because everyone else thinks he's such a great guy.

Maybe you should reconsider that he could be "anyone else".

@TwigletsAndRadishes

tough luck hun, women can choose
soz

Yep

Agreed.

It's an interesting thought experiment to consider whether there'd have been as much willingness to recognise the harms done by the natural is good movement if we weren't getting older, heavier and having fewer kids overall. The cynic in me wonders whether the pendulum would've swung back at all if we as a cohort were a more attractive proposition for cheap vaginal birth.

To quote Rachel in 'Friends': 'No uterus, no opinion.'

I am someone who generally doesn’t believe in absolutely truths but I’m sorry, If he’s a man who thinks he has a say in how his wife gives birth, he is in no way a lovely guy. 0% chance.

I think the pendulum has swung too far the other way in too many cases and there are instances where babies (and mothers?) have died due to this lack of medical intervention.

The Shrewsbury hospital episodes are a case in point.

I have never subscribed to the "natural birth at all costs" bollocks that was touted for so long. The cynical side of me says that it was a cost cutting exercise, but it costs health and lives.

It's her choice to make not his.

But not for the days and weeks afterwards.

OP, some men do have these ideas about having a 'natural birth' being better.

A friend of mine was denied painkillers (even paracetamol) by her partner when she was giving birth, because they'd agreed beforehand that they both wanted it to be 'natural', but then when it came to it, she struggled.

He refused to go and get the nurse/ doctor for her to ask for pain relief. He refused to give her paracetamol. He told her she would get through it.

I'm not saying your friend's partner would do this. Just that some men can be weirdly controlling about it. They've now split up (thankfully!) but I also would have described him as a 'sweet guy' before I knew about that.

You might not really know him underneath it all. It's not OK for him to 'insist' on anything about her birth. His role is to support her in her decisions. If he's doing anything else, I would be concerned.

He can insist as long as she insists he has his next filling or root canal with no pain relief.

Her birth , her choice. As long as she knows the pros and cons of both.

Why does he think he has a say? What is he going to say to your friend if he coerces her into having a VB, it goes wrong, and she has an emergency CS (and subsequently beats herself up for not trying hard enough or similar absolute bollocks, as it obviously won't be her fault but she may feel it is) or worse, she or the baby suffers a birth injury that affects them for life? She will probably blame him (rightly so) and who knows where their relationship will end up?

For what it's worth, I chose two elective CSs and, especially after experiencing 36 hours of *thankfully, 20 min spaced) back to back contractions prior to DC2's birth, I have NEVER regretted my decision.

Remind your friend she doesn't have to have the baby's father at the birth ...

THISSSSS

I would say part of the change in recent years is the pendulum swinging the other way. A recognition that the natural for the sake of natural approach you describe here is wrong, and did harm.

That's still the case now, there is enormous judgement IME if you don't go down the "natural" route. They have simply recognised that women ought to be given the choice about how they give birth.

I was going to say this too. Why does anyone doubt it?

A caesarean was far preferable for me too and, and had both types of birth.

Yes they can.

My first instinct was to shout 'her body, her choice' etc like all the other posters.

But actually I think there needs to be a bit of context. Maybe he thinks it's a more risky choice and is worried about her, or the baby, which is unsurprising given I assume he loves her and the baby she's about to have?
I'd still say it's her right to have the overall say but it doesn't sound like there's been much communication between them or with medical professionals either.