For DH to insist on vaginal birth not ceasarean

When men start having to labour and go through childbirth themselves, they can get to decide how said labour and childbirth is going to happen for them.

Until that day arrives, they get to be supportive of their partner's decision and hold their hand but have no further say in how the baby is born.

I'd recommend getting one of those period pain machines (not sure if it's actually a TENS machine) but whatever the thing in the social media posts where the blokes wear these things and the pain goes up to 10 - get the bloke in this situation to wear one and see how he feels after about level 5 or 6 and without pain relief and see if he changes his mind.

Her body, her business; her consultant/clinical team’s advice, not his business.

If you think that then you are quite uninformed.

My c section recovery was fine and not painful, but my sister has had decades long problems and a recent horrible operation for her prolapse caused by 'natural' childbirth.

He’s not the one giving birth, it’s not his choice to make because it’s not his body. (Doesn’t sound like the mum to be is necessarily making the best choice either, if she’s just trying to avoid pain!!)

I think he's well within his rights to advocate for a vaginal birth as the lower risk option (and the one that is best for baby) BUT insist, no. Absolutely not

No uterus no opinion.

However having had both, C-section was waaaaay more painful.

My dm, a retired midwife, was ministering to a lady who was in a lot of pain during labour.
Her dh said to his dw ‘come on, it’s only natural.’
My dm replied ‘so’s dying but it’s not very pleasant is it?’

Unless it’s absolutely medically necessary you should not be having a caesarean.

It is major surgery - they had to lift my intestines out to get at the womb and DH witnessed this. My womb also tore straight up the middle so now I have no option but caesarean in future. And trying to recover after major surgery with a newborn is not easy - at all - by contrast to a vaginal birth. Barbaric experience.

Baby is exposed to bacteria in the birth canal that prime the immune system.

Overall, even though painful, I think you just have to think of Mum and baby’s long term health.

Her vagina, her choice.

But

doesn't want to experience the most painful thing that can happen to a woman

Whilst my actual sections were pain-free the recovery from both were the most painful experiences of my life. Including post-op complications and wound infections, I was in severe and very significant pain for several weeks.

Maybe he's scared for her undergoing what he thinks is a major op, or that he might faint even though he's at her head end. Who knows, has he given a reason.

I don't suggest you give your friend this article, but perhaps her DH might like to read it so he can be a proper advocate for her when the time comes: https://www.theguardian.com/society/2024/mar/26/my-child-was-drowning-life-and-death-on-an-english-maternity-ward

Her body her choice. However, I have had both and I'd rather have 100 natural births than another cesarean - it hurt like hell and 33 years later my scar still itches and throbs now and again.

I don't know if it would have helped, but that's not really the point - the point is she asked for it and he said no.

He's absolutely lovely and basically a perfect partner

Clearly not.

He sounds a bit stupid and no, he's not a 'sweet guy'. You've said that he's insisting on a vaginal birth.

I think this isn't a friend, a friend could post for themselves. You refer to him in the title as DH so I'm assuming that this is actually about you, you just don't want to listen to posters telling you that this man is a controlling twat.

He isn't sweet and this is none of his business. If it is you that is pregnant, please take back your choices for delivery as you want it. His view is irrelevant.

He can’t play the game so he doesn’t get to make the rules. I’d worry about that kind of controlling behaviour.

Wtaf? Unless I've missed something the blokes a complete dickhead!

Yes not a sweet guy at all, he probably also says "we are pregnant " and makes empathetic noises but secretly tutting st his wife if she dare complains about the "miracle of pregnancy"

He doesn’t get to “insist” on anything. She’s the one giving birth so it’s her decision. He needs to support what she wants and if he won’t he shouldn’t be at the birth at all.

If he can insist she gives birth vaginally she can insist he ties string around his scrotum which she can pull during the contractions so he can share the pain.

Sweet guy on the outside, narcissistic controlling arsehole on the inside.

I had an elected C section, it wasn't painful at all, recovery was a few weeks and all was fine. I was a single parent as well, living by myself.
Jolly glad I did, with all the horror stories I hear about natural births.

Perhaps he thinks a c section recovery would be too much pain for her.

I feel like there must be a missed context here if he's usually really good.

While I think his actions were appalling, what on earth is the point of paracetamol here?

Having given birth vaginally three times on gas and air alone, I really do doubt that having any amount of paracetamol would have helped.

When you are in the late stages of labour I imagine you could fall unconscious through ODing on paracetamol before you'd take enough to get any mitigating effect on those all consuming, late stage contractions whre you start to groan like a wounded buffalo and rave like a lunatic.