For DH to insist on vaginal birth not ceasarean

I think they need to have a chat about why he thinks like that. My dh would never insist on anything but he had concerns about me having a water birth. When I asked him why it turned out he had seen a water birth on tv and the woman was completely naked and he thought that was compulsory! As it turned out I wore one of his t shirts in the pool so was completely covered up. Then when I had my youngest, not in water I kept throwing off the sheet and exposing my bum to the entire room, the midwife kept covering me up again! Dh had long since discovered that who was me naked in Labour wasn't remotely important by then though.

OP, I think your main takeaway from this thread should be that women's experiences of all kinds of births vary widely. Whatever kind of birth we 'choose', reality might have something different in mind.

Your friend should read up on all her options, discuss them with her midwife, and also discuss with her dp so that they feel like a united team. In the end, though, she shouldn't compromise on what she needs to feel safe and in control.

And if during birth something happens and the midwife says a CS is needed?

A cesarean would still be painful I imagine, as it's major surgery but I guess a different type of pain. Some women I know didn't find childbirth too bad, and I know some prefer to opt for vaginal because of the health benefits for the baby (so I am told). All of that said it is not the man's decision..sure he can have an opinion and discuss the pros and cons of both to help his wife decide. But he ain't pushing the baby out!

Your outrage which doesn't seem to be based on any actual research or facts just a belief elcs costs significantly more (it doesnt) vs the opinion of hundreds of experienced medical professionals that went into researching/producing/reviewing NICE guidance...

Even if the cost was a factor, the NHS does thousands of procedures that aren't "medically necessary". Fertility treatment, gender reassignment, pre-emptive treatment (e.g. elective masectomies for those with high risk/family history of breast cancer), bariatric surgery, etc.

How about prosthetics or breast implants post masectomy? Why bother giving amputees realistic or well functioning prosthetic limbs when we can just stick a wooden leg on them? Why bother doing extensive skin reconstruction surgery on burns or acid victims, after all how you look is only surface level right?

How about mental health treatment? I mean lots of people PROBABLY wouldn't actually die without it so bit of a waste of money really isn't it?

Alternatively why are you so against women having input in treatment to their own bodies? Just because you weren't offered it? Ever heard of race to the bottom?

Yeah he can fuck off with his insistence can't he?

However, if he's truly lovely has he read csection horror stories and is terrified?

To be fair - I can see why he would rather his wife not have an unnecessary major surgery with weeks and weeks of recovery and pain when there’s no medical need… I know every woman is entitled to their own birth preference but there is a reason why natural births are the preferred option. Having a low pain threshold isn’t gonna help her much after a section (I’ve had both) so maybe he’s just trying to put forward a case for a natural birth for her sake, when you’re pregnant and scared of labour you’re not always thinking logically!

This 🙌🏻
Until baby comes out of him, he does not get a say how it comes out

😂😂😂

I had group B strep. If vaginal bacteria was so good I wouldn't have been given antibiotics before the start of labour.

I'm sorry to hear of your experience, it sounds awful.

But I know also people who had horrendous experiences with vaginal births.

I know people who have experienced both types of birth and say that they would always choose a C-section if they could (and vice versa).

The important thing is that it is the woman's right to make an informed decision and it is one thing that is really, utterly, nothing whatsoever to do with men.

Two words, second being "off" - her choice of verb.

I’m willing to bet that this “sweet guy” with his “romantic notions of what’s best” ain’t so sweet behind closed doors.

My money is on “controlling arsehole with a thin veneer of Nice Guy”.

Not unreasonable in the slightest as long as he's a seahorse.

Otherwise this "lovely, sweet guy" is kind of medically gaslighting and emotionally manipulating his vulnerable partner. He needs to respect her wishes. He's massively out of order here. Being fearful of birth was the reason I had a section and the fact my dh was 100% behind me meant so much and helped me feel safe. I'm so sad your friends birth partner doesn't see the need to advocate for her right to bodily autonomy..

The NICE guidelines say that women are entitled to choose a C-section, not just request one. You can request anything you like but you're entitled to have one if you want it.

You can expect that your consultant or midwife will talk you through the options and test your reasons for wanting one but if you want a C-section you are entitled to it.

It's absolutely none of his business how his wife chooses to give birth. The one who's carrying the baby is the one who gets to choose how to have it.

@LucyOriellsHat I had an elected section too, best decision I ever made, good luck!

WarshipRocinante, yes there are equivalent studies showing that midwives are more likely to favour vaginal birth.

It makes sense: midwives are the experts in normal birth, so see many lovely and straightforward natural births. Obstetricians are the experts when something goes wrong, so feel more comfortable moving straight into what they know about. Neither is wrong.

From a clinical perspective, there is a kind of order of merit: straightforward vaginal birth followed by planned CS followed by unplanned CS followed by a vaginal birth where things go awry. But women need to choose what will make them feel most safe and in control, understanding that no birth is ever wholly predictable.

I'm 58. I had a c section with my first baby. He's now 31. I had a lot of pain afterwards. The scar was very large at first. You have to be shown how to cough because trying to cough normally is excruciating. Peeing is painful. Really painful. I have had problems with my bladder ever since. C section is never,ever the easy option.

There are many perfectly good reasons for people choosing elective sections.

But if they are choosing it because they want "less hassle" then they are uninformed. Its certainly not "less hassle".

What a fabulous response from your mother to that man. 😃🤣

I hope that shut the misogynistic twat right up.

You can ask and then put forward reasons why your requests should be considered but they will discuss it and then I think are supposed to refer on if mother insists but often presented like there not a choice.

As I understand it, they put you under anaesthetic for the procedure.

It's rare to be put under for a c-section - all of my friends who had them were awake.

From friends planned c-section less stressful than emergency ones - recovery varies a lot some recover very quickly others have complications years later - but recovery from VAB can vary as well.

Prior to kids I have very painful periods and had GP insist I just must have a low pain threshold - honestly my labours were straight forward and I was offered little pain relief and most of the labour was comparable - so it was bullshit I had a low pain threshold.

Don't blame them. There's not a man alive who would squeeze a baby out of his chuff instead of a nice neat pain free op.

And trying to recover after major surgery with a newborn is not easy - at all - by contrast to a vaginal birth.

That depends very much on the type of vaginal birth. Additionally, a significant minority of women who attempt a VB will have a section anyway, just a more hurried and risky one.

Well for many women that is the case, hence the high number of elective sections that take place after traumatic vaginal births.

Bacteria in birth canal can include group B strep which causes meningitis and is leading cause of neonatal deaths, so that’s a stupid argument.