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Original poster

For DH to insist on vaginal birth not ceasarean

811 replies

Anguish · 27/03/2024 12:57

Asking for a friend. Why would he care either way? She has a low pain tolerance and doesn't want to experience the most painful thing that can happen to a woman.

EDIT: He's absolutely lovely and basically a perfect partner in every conceivable way, which is why it's slightly out of character.

OP posts:
Vod · 27/03/2024 16:27

Naunet · 27/03/2024 16:20

You posted it on a thread where research is irrelevant and then you ask me why I’m pointing that out?!

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No idea what you actually mean here. Research is relevant to a lot of the false claims people have made, like whether you're allowed a section based on maternal preference only.

Thehop · 27/03/2024 16:25

Aside from all the advice you've been given here ill
add that i had 3 lovely vaginal deliveries and was straight up and about after, and a bloody hideous section. I was in agony for so long afterwards and hated feeling basically disabled after the surgery. Your friend is mad to think a section is an easy option.

Changeusernameseeusernamehistory · 27/03/2024 16:25

Alwaysgoingforit · 27/03/2024 16:24

I've had 6 c sections and was very ill after the last one. No medals required but after each one it took longer to recover. Last one was three months.
I'm no heroine but my dc were totally worth it.
As for the 'not a real birth brigade' - fick right off and take OP's friends idiot partner with you.

👏

Scirocco · 27/03/2024 16:24

Anguish · 27/03/2024 12:57

Asking for a friend. Why would he care either way? She has a low pain tolerance and doesn't want to experience the most painful thing that can happen to a woman.

EDIT: He's absolutely lovely and basically a perfect partner in every conceivable way, which is why it's slightly out of character.

Unless it's his body the baby's coming out of, he doesn't get to dictate this.

Alwaysgoingforit · 27/03/2024 16:24

I've had 6 c sections and was very ill after the last one. No medals required but after each one it took longer to recover. Last one was three months.
I'm no heroine but my dc were totally worth it.
As for the 'not a real birth brigade' - fick right off and take OP's friends idiot partner with you.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 27/03/2024 16:24

twitternotx · 27/03/2024 13:16

Having had both, I can categorically say that is utter nonsense.

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Having had both, my c-section was definitely the most painful, and my vaginal was without pain-relief.

Changeusernameseeusernamehistory · 27/03/2024 16:23

Octavia64 · 27/03/2024 13:28

In some medical situations the decision can be taken away from the mother because a section is needed so the baby survives.

I'm not aware that medical staff actually consult the father in emergency situations but I'm not a medic so maybe I'm wrong.

He sounds like he has absolutely no clue what giving birth involves, either way. His job in the process is to support his wife and he sounds like has no clue about that either.

Poor woman.

NOT true. If the mother doesn’t consent to the emergency c section, they won’t perform a surgery on her. I don’t know what happens when it reaches a point past saving the baby and it becomes a risk to the mother’s life, maybe they’ll try to section the mother, which could take some days anyway, and that’s a different story but I imagine it is so rare even most obs/gynes wouldn’t have experienced this!

2mummies1baby · 27/03/2024 16:23

Oh he can FUCK RIGHT OFF.

willWillSmithsmith · 27/03/2024 16:22

YourWinter · 27/03/2024 15:27

Vaginal delivery is not necessarily the most painful thing that can happen to a woman. I had three and none of them could be described as the worst pain ever.

Tooth abscess? Much worse.
Kidney stone? Much worse.
Bone cancer or osteomyelitis? Much worse.

Some women have a tough time but many don’t find it awful at all.

I can’t understand anyone wanting a C-section just in case it might possibly hurt to give birth vaginally.

And I can’t understand why anyone would have a natural birth when they can have an elective c section. We are all different.

Naunet · 27/03/2024 16:20

Vod · 27/03/2024 16:15

Yeeees? Not sure why you'd think any of that relates to what I said about research though, given that as you correctly point out, these things are not researchable.

What can be researched, though, are some of the issues people have trotted out unthinkingly in this thread. We've had multiple posters claim you can't just choose an elective section, when you can. There've also been claims about cost pulled out of people's arses which again, can easily be researched and is mentioned in the NICE guidelines.

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You posted it on a thread where research is irrelevant and then you ask me why I’m pointing that out?!

Vod · 27/03/2024 16:20

Wiseoldminerva · 27/03/2024 16:19

I apologise. Sorry x

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No worries!

Wiseoldminerva · 27/03/2024 16:19

Vod · 27/03/2024 16:12

The NICE guidance. Which, if you read back on my posts, is saying the same thing as I am. I suspect you may have misunderstood which side of the debate I'm on here.

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I apologise. Sorry x

Miyagi99 · 27/03/2024 16:17

1offnamechange · 27/03/2024 15:39

If by "good" reason you mean the mother's preference then yes
If you're suggesting they need a medical reason then you're wrong.
People have quoted the actual NICE guidance in the thread, its very clear. Women can have an elective caesarean for any reason, neither the MN jury nor even her treating consultant have to approve her rationale.

It's also not a high risk procedure- and is significant less risky than an emergency c-section - 1 in 3 first time mums need an emergency c-section anyway (and nearly 1 in 2 need some sort of assistance beyond midwife care) so people planning for a c-section in advance reduces the risk for mother and baby.

Edited
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No, I mean good reasons including reasons stated by the mother (I mentioned an example of fear/phobia of pain as it seems that would be the friend’s reason) - it just takes a conversation with the consultant. It’s major surgery so always high risk (she will have to sign a consent form mentioning risk of death etc as with all major surgery) but yes, definitely safer than an emergency section.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 27/03/2024 16:17

Well, it's her decision, but she sounds misguided over pain. I've had both, and my vaginal birth, even without any pain relief wasn't particularly painful. My c-section was way more painful, so was my appendicitis, so was my fractured bone. I'd have my pain-relief-free vaginal birth every time.

Why do so many people think childbirth is the most painful thing that a woman can experience? I know it is for some, but there's many that it's really not.

GrapesAreMyJam · 27/03/2024 16:17

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Vod · 27/03/2024 16:15

Naunet · 27/03/2024 16:09

No research is required to know a man should not be insisting a woman gives birth how he dictates. How she wishes to give birth is entirely up to her, whether her partner or any of us agree with her or not. It seems many people here are just as bad as her husband, maybe they think every woman’s birth plan should be decided by their local community.

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Yeeees? Not sure why you'd think any of that relates to what I said about research though, given that as you correctly point out, these things are not researchable.

What can be researched, though, are some of the issues people have trotted out unthinkingly in this thread. We've had multiple posters claim you can't just choose an elective section, when you can. There've also been claims about cost pulled out of people's arses which again, can easily be researched and is mentioned in the NICE guidelines.

InfiniteGoodVibes · 27/03/2024 16:15

Justkeeepswimming · 27/03/2024 15:42

@pinkmushroom5

As far as I was aware elective caesareans are only where there is a medical risk - multiple north, known medical issue.

Or where the woman has a mental health problem such as extreme anxiety or other issue…

They aren’t, and shouldn’t be, handing them out like smarties it’s 10k!!

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Your posts on this subject are so woefully ignorant they are laughable.

"kangaroo pouch' highlighted your knowledge and attitude robustly.

TubeScreamer · 27/03/2024 16:13

He isn’t lovely or a perfect partner.

Vod · 27/03/2024 16:12

Wiseoldminerva · 27/03/2024 16:09

How patronising.

Which research would YOU like to share? Clearly it will be that which plays to your own biases. Luckily though, NICE and the NHS doesn’t care about your opinion. And their guidance, which thankfully supports the rights of women to have bodily autonomy, are heavily researched based.

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The NICE guidance. Which, if you read back on my posts, is saying the same thing as I am. I suspect you may have misunderstood which side of the debate I'm on here.

PlumbersWifey · 27/03/2024 16:12

He has no opinion on this

ingenvillvetavardukoptdintroja · 27/03/2024 16:12

Lots of bollocks on here.
There is no guaranteed perfect way to give birth. You need to do your research, weigh up your options and be prepared to challenge the status quo. Maternal healthcare is in crisis in this country and you cannot rely on health services to have your best interests at heart.

I had an emergency section with first - saved baby's life but he was still in special care for 4 weeks leading to PND for me.

I was suicidal during my second pregnancy- knowing I could have a planned section and could prepare for birth really helped. I was informed I had a 66% chance of needing another section anyway- so why not just have a planned one and avoid risk of emcs altogether.
I found recovery from both very easy but I did rest a lot.

willWillSmithsmith · 27/03/2024 16:12

Anguish · 27/03/2024 13:09

it could just be that he buys into negative conceptions about it, like it not being a 'real' birth etc.

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Well I managed to have both my children by not having a ‘real’ birth, two now strapping lads who must have magically appeared here. 🙄 I had two elective c-sections and it wasn’t even discussed with my children’s father. The only man I discussed it with was my consultant.

Your friend needs to tell him it’s none of his business.

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 27/03/2024 16:11

He's absolutely lovely and basically a perfect partner in every conceivable way

No he isn't. Not even close.

He's a man who think he has the right to control a woman's body and medical choices. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Wiseoldminerva · 27/03/2024 16:11

MollyRover · 27/03/2024 16:09

I don't think we have enough context here. A straightforward vaginal birth is definitely preferable to a c section. If there are known risks then an elective c section might be a better option. What exactly is it that he's insisting about?

You’ve missed a key nuance there. Uncomplicated VB is preferable to CS for you.

For me, I wanted a private ELCS. No medical reason beyond preference. And that’s what I got.

You do you, yeah?

Rickrolypoly · 27/03/2024 16:10

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