Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

For DH to insist on vaginal birth not ceasarean

811 replies

Anguish · 27/03/2024 12:57

Asking for a friend. Why would he care either way? She has a low pain tolerance and doesn't want to experience the most painful thing that can happen to a woman.

EDIT: He's absolutely lovely and basically a perfect partner in every conceivable way, which is why it's slightly out of character.

OP posts:
Lookingoutside · 29/03/2024 18:18

EDIT: He's absolutely lovely and basically a perfect partner in every conceivable way

No he isn’t!!! FFS 🤦🏼‍♀️

Zone2NorthLondon · 29/03/2024 18:05

Samlewis96 · 29/03/2024 16:30

The bloody point was I didn't NEED a C-section!!! Despite the bullying by the medical profession.

Why would it be ok for doctors ( or anyone) to try and insist on a CS but it's not ok to insist on a vaginal birth. Double standards somewhat

Show quote history

NOT Double standards , Clinical judgement and management of potential risk. Risk to mum and or baby. Responsible to assess & manage likely outcome and if that means suggesting a CS then it will be recommended. Capacity is presumed unless absent and an MCA will be undertaken to make sure mum understands the decision eg CS or vaginal birth. If mum can understand the decision, weigh up the pro and cons and retain information related to the decision she’s deemed to be capacitous. An adult With capacity can make an unwise decision eg go against medical advice and decline the CS. The CS would only be imposed if the adult lacks capacity

theDudesmummy · 29/03/2024 16:47

"Nature" has not "worked it out". Many unassisted births end in a live baby. That's the way the species continues and is a result of evolution. Others end with a dead baby, dead mother, or both. Others end with a damaged mother, damaged baby, or both. All completely part of "nature".

AnyDayAnyWay · 29/03/2024 16:39

If a pregnant woman with capacity to consent wants to insist on a vaginal birth for herself then I have no issue with that. I would expect doctors to explain any specific risks (as I would for a C section), but the risk is hers to take.

Samlewis96 · 29/03/2024 16:30

easylikeasundaymorn · 27/03/2024 22:31

So....your argument is that a 46 hour labour is a good thing????
Basically you're lucky you managed to deliver naturally despite going against a doctor's advice. Things could have gone horribly wrong.
There's some proper handmaiding on this thread with women seemingly wanting other women to suffer pr not be allowed choices because that's what happened to them.

Show quote history

The bloody point was I didn't NEED a C-section!!! Despite the bullying by the medical profession.

Why would it be ok for doctors ( or anyone) to try and insist on a CS but it's not ok to insist on a vaginal birth. Double standards somewhat

Newsenmum · 29/03/2024 15:47

NonPlayerCharacter · 29/03/2024 14:45

Yep.

"Natural" means "occurring in nature", which is often a brutal and horrific place. It doesn't mean "safe" or "desirable".

Maternal and infant death are highly natural.

Show quote history

Natural selection kills the babies that aren’t strong and the women with poorly shaped pelvises 🤷‍♀️

NonPlayerCharacter · 29/03/2024 14:45

Newsenmum · 29/03/2024 13:16

And girls starting periods when they’re far too young for sex. Yes of course childbirth can work out but it’s pretty horrid for a lot of women (who don’t matter compared to a new baby). That’s nature. But we are now able to improve it so why shouldn’t we?

Show quote history

Yep.

"Natural" means "occurring in nature", which is often a brutal and horrific place. It doesn't mean "safe" or "desirable".

Maternal and infant death are highly natural.

AgentJohnson · 29/03/2024 13:37

He's absolutely lovely and basically a perfect partner in every conceivable way.

Hmm, I bet he is.

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 29/03/2024 13:31

LuckySantangelo35 · 29/03/2024 13:10

@LorlieS

what exactly is so bad about a woman being selfish sometimes?

That's an excellent point.

WithACatLikeTread · 29/03/2024 13:24

zingally · 29/03/2024 12:31

No uterus, no opinion.

But maybe he's thinking "nature designed it that way for a reason", and why do additional interventions in the form of a major abdominal surgery, when nature has already literally worked it out?

Has it figured it out? Ever had a baby get stuck?

Newsenmum · 29/03/2024 13:16

NonPlayerCharacter · 29/03/2024 12:33

Because nature is a bitch who doesn't know what she's doing which is why maternal and infant death are so common in unassisted, unsupervised births.

Angry lions and active volcanoes are natural.

Show quote history

And girls starting periods when they’re far too young for sex. Yes of course childbirth can work out but it’s pretty horrid for a lot of women (who don’t matter compared to a new baby). That’s nature. But we are now able to improve it so why shouldn’t we?

LuckySantangelo35 · 29/03/2024 13:10

@LorlieS

what exactly is so bad about a woman being selfish sometimes?

2mummies1baby · 29/03/2024 12:57

zingally · 29/03/2024 12:31

No uterus, no opinion.

But maybe he's thinking "nature designed it that way for a reason", and why do additional interventions in the form of a major abdominal surgery, when nature has already literally worked it out?

A lifespan of 40 years (if you're lucky) is also natural!

StormingNorman · 29/03/2024 12:36

If he wants to push it out his vagina let him crack on.

NonPlayerCharacter · 29/03/2024 12:33

zingally · 29/03/2024 12:31

No uterus, no opinion.

But maybe he's thinking "nature designed it that way for a reason", and why do additional interventions in the form of a major abdominal surgery, when nature has already literally worked it out?

Because nature is a bitch who doesn't know what she's doing which is why maternal and infant death are so common in unassisted, unsupervised births.

Angry lions and active volcanoes are natural.

zingally · 29/03/2024 12:31

No uterus, no opinion.

But maybe he's thinking "nature designed it that way for a reason", and why do additional interventions in the form of a major abdominal surgery, when nature has already literally worked it out?

LorlieS · 29/03/2024 12:27

@IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle With what was going on in hospitals at the time, it was definitely safer!

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 29/03/2024 12:13

LorlieS · 29/03/2024 12:07

@IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle They were all long and painful labours. That's nothing to do with increasing the risk for my baby!! The safest place for me to birth my baby was at home (also taking into account we were in full lockdown). Fact.

Edited

It isn't a "fact" It was your preference.

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 29/03/2024 12:10

Hesma · 29/03/2024 12:09

Her choice but surely a c section has the most lasting pain

How to tell me you haven't read the thread, without telling me.

Hesma · 29/03/2024 12:09

Her choice but surely a c section has the most lasting pain

LorlieS · 29/03/2024 12:07

@IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle They were all long and painful labours. That's nothing to do with increasing the risk for my baby!! The safest place for me to birth my baby was at home (also taking into account we were in full lockdown). Fact.

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 29/03/2024 12:06

LorlieS · 29/03/2024 12:02

@IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle Me neither!

Really? You were boasting on here about your long and painful labour.

And the choice of "boasting" is deliberate.

LorlieS · 29/03/2024 12:02

@IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle Me neither!

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 29/03/2024 12:01

LorlieS · 29/03/2024 11:54

@GabriellaMontez Of course. I don't agree with women smoking and drinking in pregnancy, for example. Up to them if they make that choice though.

Some women choose to insist on home births and to refuse all medical intervention to the point their babies are put in danger or even harmed.

I don't agree with their choice.

LorlieS · 29/03/2024 11:54

@GabriellaMontez Of course. I don't agree with women smoking and drinking in pregnancy, for example. Up to them if they make that choice though.