For DH to insist on vaginal birth not ceasarean

If you request anaesthetic when you have a tooth filled or root canal work, because it will hurt then why can’t you have pain relief when giving birth

This realisation hit me as soon as I had my first contraction. Our NCT Leader had been going on for weeks about the benefits of a natural birth and I fell for it, putting no pain relief in my birth plan. As soon as I had my first contraction I thought what the hell am I thinking. In every other time in my life, if in pain, I took painkillers, why was I choosing now to become some sort of fucking Earth mother!!

Lol hypnobirthing did jack shit to relieve my 72 hour back to back labour.

No. That’s a sweeping generalisation. Not all CS result in what you call damages. Let’s not unnecessarily alarm women. Each birth is different and not all CS have post birth complications. Not all VB have post birth complications. This is why women talk it through in person with their team, who know then and can discuss outcomes and pro cons. Online and on mn birth is politicised and a lot of anti-medical and anti intervention rhetoric

Well obviously it’s her business how she gives birth but you should all do a bit more research I think. There was a wonderful programme called Home Birth Diaries on the Lifetime tv channel when we lived in the US, and that was the absolute first time ever I saw that childbirth wasn’t necessarily this awfully traumatic painful experience that is usually depicted on tv. I’m not saying everyone should have a homebirth but there is also hypnobirthing which is another great way to have a different birthing experience and which reduces a lot of the usual fear, tension and pain.

Personally gallstones were much more painful than giving birth.

Best of luck to your friend!

Have not RTFT but it is absolutely none of his business. I never even contemplated a vaginal birth, said from the outset I would have an elective c/s, and told DH so. I didn't ask for his input (and to be fair to him, he didn't try to give any).

He's probably thinking about dtd after and thinks vaginal birth has a faster recovery. Or American and thinking about the cost.

I'm a Londoner so not sure if true but heard in America some insurance companies won't cover elective CS.

I've heard of husbands insisting on no pain relief or making their wives pay for it 🤯🤯

Talk to him about pelvic organ prolapse and how common it is with women who've had vaginal births

20 years ago maybe, not for years now. Women can choose how they want to deliver. And thank god.

This is not always the case.

It depends. One friend didn’t think giving birth was that painful, she likened it to strong muscle spasms.
Another friend spent 12 years going back and forth to doctors and hospitals and had further operations because she was in such a mess after giving birth they didn’t realise the internal damage.

She suffered multiple miscarriages.

I only had one contraction and I never want to go through pain like that again. I won’t describe it but I was so glad I had said yes to the epidural when it was offered

55 hours in labour culminating with an emcs
I requested a elective CS for my 2nd

I didn’t have pain killers afterwards and was out of hospital the following day and hosted a barbecue in the afternoon

I was driving within 10 days

I requested a CS because it was just a lovely experience.
Also because I have a tilted pelvis and that was why I ended up with an emcs the first time.

If you request anaesthetic when you have a tooth filled or root canal work, because it will hurt then why can’t you have pain relief when giving birth

Like I said he's a very sweet guy.

Incorrect

Sweet my arse, he is a control freak.

Unless this is a drip feed and we find out categorically this is the case then the alternative is he is a horribly controlling man

@pinkmushroom5

You’ve put your opinions and information in posts out in a very balanced manner.

It’s not that I am saying that anyone has to do xyz.

I’m just commenting that I can’t understand the thought process behind it if it’s not necessary because major surgery is a lot to go through…

Personally it saved my life and baby’s and will be my option going forward - because I can’t safely have a natural birth now - and I am looking forward to a short timetabled procedure that is over quickly without a prolonged labour and lack of sleep…

However, I also had had a lot of problems with bladder and adhesions so I worry that will be worsened with another surgery…

I guess I don’t think anyone should go into it lightly without proper consult with obstetrician and spending some weeks deciding… it isn’t for the OP’s partner to dictate, while of course he can give an opinion, ultimately it is up to the mother.

And my two C-sections were a dream.

Any man who is labouring under the misapprehension that they are involved in ANY pregnancy or birth decisions faced by a woman, is utterly mistaken.

Stay in your fucking lane, twat.

100% her call.

His opinion on the mater is utterly irrelevant.

I do hope she tells him to fuck right off.

You do realise that once the spinal anaesthetic wears off everything hurts from the surgery? You have to take painkillers for several days afterwards while the abdominal wound heals up. It’s certainly not pain free walking, bending, lifting etc afterwards. A vaginal birth may be less controlled but it leaves less damage afterwards than a caesarean.

This cannot be real.

Yes but there is pain within hours of the procedure some of which continues for weeks afterwards.

Your friend, OP, needs to weigh up pros and cons for herself.
No-one knows how they'll react, recover etc.
My DM had two completely uneventful VBs, very quick recovery with no complications/ long term issues. MIL by contrast had a terrible time and lifelong complications after two VBs.
I had a brilliant ELCS with no complications and very quick recovery (no kangaroo pouch). Others I know have experienced infections (although they cleared quickly) and pain for some time (although no long term complications).
I think the important thing is for each woman to do her own research and do what's best for her. Her partner, and everyone else, should respect her choice absolutely.

Perhaps he should google 4th degree tear

and they still do, all over the world. But that doesn’t fit the (racist) narrative of ‘oh women in Africa (because that’s obviously one homogenous place 🙄) just pop babies out easily with no intervention because of their romantic spiritual wisdom’ or similar white saviour bollocks.

Women in western europe in the 16th and 17th centuries used to write letters to their husbands and children before going into labour, in the same way men would say their goodbyes before going off to war. Birth was known to be very risky.

We are extraordinarily lucky to have choices and access to support and medical care, whether our births are straightforward or complicated.