For DH to insist on vaginal birth not ceasarean

⬆THIS!⬆

I had both of my children naturally with no pain meds or epi (and man, oh man, I had counted on getting an epi).

I thought it was the most painful experience of my life. Then I got shingles. Humbled me to my core because THAT made childbirth feel like NBD.

With everything they have available now for childbirth, I would think vaginally would be much easier than a C-section. A few hours versus a few weeks of pain?
C-sections are not the panacea your friend thinks it is. Layers of stitches on layers of cut tissue, ending with either staples or stitches? shudder

I have definitely felt more worried when my loved ones are going to have a caesarean vs a vaginal birth.

Its huge surgery and although vaginal births do come with the their own risks, I feel caesareans are much bigger deals.

Perhaps I’m misinformed but I would worry more if my partner was going through a caesarean and would prefer her to have a vaginal birth if there were no additional risks involved.

He can give his opinion but he has no right to tell her what to do.

If I were your friend I’d say yes of course dear as long as I can shove a watermelon up your arse in between contractions.

From experience of having 3 cesarean sections 1 emergency and then the others advised by medical staff.

6 weeks minimum recovery. .

A cesarean is a major surgery.

Pain afterwards from the trapped gas and constipation.
Not being able to roll over in bed without pain.
Holding your stomach when you laugh.
Not being able to walk very far for a good few weeks.
It's no walk in the park.

I wish I could of had vaginal deliveries.

With my first baby, my obstetrician refused a planned C-section. He completely dismissed the concerns from my cardiologist and all midwives involved in my care and my own views.

I don’t think it’s as easy as asking for one unfortunately. I was a cat 1 emergency C-section with my oldest so I had a general anaesthetic. With my subsequent babies, I was awake during the C-section.

I can’t comment on pain from a vaginal birth aside from my contractions, they were manageable. The pain from a C-section isn’t a walk in the park though!

No uterus, no opinion.

That is true. I was given pethidine and can’t really remember anything clearly from when they gave me the jab until the next morning. My baby also slept for most of the first 48 hours of her life so I’m sure plenty of it got into her bloodstream too 😬

How lovely. He will sit beside her and mop her brow, if needed, while she gives birth, silently, and with a smile on her face as she gazes adoring into sweet guy's eyes. Any midwives out there who can confirm sweet guy's fantasy for him?

This reminds me of a programme I saw years ago about pregnancy and childbirth in which the man in the relationship was horribly controlling about how his wife should give birth - vaginal, no drugs etc. The woman was eastern European I think and her English wasn't great and she just looked downtrodden and terrified. I felt so worried for her and I often think of it, even years later. It was really haunting to see such abuse in plain sight and not being challenged.

yes you are entitled to your opinion, but the problem is when you think your opinion should override everyone else's just because it's yours.

You're not saying 'I don't like the idea of an elective c-section therefore I won't have one,' you're saying 'I don't like the idea of an elective c-section therefore nobody should be allowed to have one. My view be preferred over not just other mothers but also the views of medical professionals with experience in this exact area.'

Again, it's not like 99% of women can give birth just fine without dr input - 1 in 3 first time mums end up needing a caesarean anyway. Even more (nearly 1 in 2) need some other type of surgical intervention - forceps etc.

To be honest I think she is being massively naive and thats the biggest concern.

A c-section is NOT easy, its major surgery on a huge organ, slicing through flesh, muscles and nerves and afterward you have weeks of recovery while caring for a baby often with nothing more than OTC drugs like paracetamol.

He can't force her to do anything as its not his say but someone really should point out how deluded the idea that a C-section is the easy/painless option is before she finds herself shocked and in pain.

Huge red flag ! He's absolutely lovely and perfect to all those around him, this would raise huge concern if my friend were telling me this! Her body, her choice.

A vaginal delivery isn’t even close to the most painful thing ever.

Sorry, haven't read through the 19 pages of comments, but just wondered if anywhere it says

• why he has this preference? As he might be under impression that a c section is really risky and is genuinely concerned for his wife.
• will he advocate for her preferences despite his own views. I think a birth partner who you can trust to advocate for you when you are in too much pain to speak, or high on pethidine, or exhausted, or meditating, is so important. I remember in both my births I went into a kind of meditative state - (not intentionally, possibly as a way of dealing with the pain) and I could hear my husband like he was far away (but he was next time me) telling the midwives what I wanted and needed as we had discussed every possible scenario in advance. It was a huge comfort. But if he is going to go against her wishes I would consider an additional/alternative birth partner who can be 100% trusted to advocate her wishes

Unless he is giving birth then he doesn’t get a choice.

BTW I found c section recovery way worse than vaginal child birth.

He can insist whatever he likes.

Doesn’t mean she has to do it.

In your experience I assume.

My C section recovery was way easier than my vaginal birth.

It isn't up to him.
At one point it was looking like I might have a c section and DH was worried about it. It's a major surgery and has a recovery time. Perhaps his concern is more about that?

The confidence to announce something with such conviction despite being completely wrong is almost impressive....

Why is this any of his business?! I would simply ignore anything he has to say on the matter.

"As I understand it, they put you under anaesthetic for the procedure."

No, they give you a spinal block to numb you when they are cutting through 6 layers of the abdominal wall and uterus to baby. Once the spinal block is worn off (around 3 hours later) you have a wound from major abdominal surgery where multiple layers have been cut. I think some think it's the "easy" route. I'd take my vaginal delivery with only gas and air (2 failed epidurals) over a section any day of the week unless I needed one for mine or babies sake.

Yeah I was definitely pain free for the week after my CS 🙃 and a pain free delivery (not recovery) is certainly not the only "point" of a CS. For many women and babies it's lifesaving intervention, or chosen for any number of other reasons.

A lot less hassle? Have you ever had a CS? The recovery is far longer than a vaginal birth