For DH to insist on vaginal birth not ceasarean

Bless him. He has no say at all. What a dickhead. Some "natural" births end in emergency c sections anyway. What's he going to do then?

There's a lot of varying advice and experiences on this thread.

I hope the woman in question has been able to research and receive professional advice about HER delivery choices.

I hope we're not yet at the stage where a man can overrule his partner's decision about HER delivery choice.

If he is going to carry on insisting about something that isn’t his choice to make, he would be better banished from the delivery, as he sounds less than supportive.
His role should be to support HER delivery choices, to hold her hand, tell her she's doing marvellously, mop her brow, etc…
… and then to get out of the way.

My ELCS was fine. No pain during or afterwards. Up and about within 24 hours. Scar healed quickly. No damage to pelvic floor. Walking fine. No complications at all.

I know this is not everyone’s experience but it was great for me.

It was necessary, because I had pre-eclampsia and my son had IUGR, but I would choose CS every time.

Your third sentence contradicts your first.

Well, I can’t see any controlling red flags in this relationship - no Siree, Bob. Nothing to see here! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

@babytakemehome

You being ND is a valid reason for caesarean - the sensory overload, completely unregulated chaotic environment, new people, new experience, not knowing what’s happening next would all be very distressing for you and your level of stress could impact the birth negatively or lead to you needing a lot more drugs!!

I realise that my DC would be predisposed genetically, I will never know if the birth lead to the expression or greater expression of genes or altered early brain development. My only conclusion from the experience is that I wish I had been lucky enough to go without it really.

I didn’t want a busted fanny. Or the sense of panic if things went wrong. Or hours of pain. Or the stats that VB is lower risk for mothers and CS is lower risk for babies - I wanted the risk on me, not the baby.

@Silvergreenblue

@babytakemehome is of course right, however there is a lot of literature on this.

‘Various theories have been proposed to explain the relationship between delivery by cesarean section and ASD, and include oxytocin dysregulation, the microbiota-gut-brain axis, and neurotoxicity due to general anesthesia administered during cesarean section.’

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8015537/#:~:text=Various%20theories%20have%20been%20proposed,anesthesia%20administered%20during%20cesarean%20section.

I would read around it if you are interested.

My friend was under anasthetic as they had a 'crash' situation - it was unclear whether either of them would survive. Thankfully they did, although her child was in NICU for a month or so.

I had an epidural, as an "emergency" after everything else failed in terms of birth going smoothly.

Either way, or whether we'd had forceps intervention, or a vaginal delivery, we ended up with our children. That was the most important factor - making sure everyone survived it.

My husband "assumed" I'd be birthing our daughter (his first and last baby) in hospital. He assumed wrongly! I opted for a home birth and he was incredibly supportive.
My body, my choice!

She should keep an open mind. Csections are MAJOR surgery. I don’t understand why women voluntarily elect to have them.

I'm not quite sure how the voting works but the person giving birth is the one to decide how they do it.

All he needs to do is support the decisions she makes, to be there, and to make sure he does all he can to make things as easy as possible.

There are research papers on 'links', but as we all know, correlation does not imply causation...

Autism is genetic, so how on earth can a c section cause it?

A C section is safer for baby. I had both and if I ever had another baby it would be C section every time. I was up and about later that day. Able to shower the next day. I wasn't exhausted like I was with long labour and vaginal birth. Also no cutting for episiotomy. A no brainer.

Of course you are entitled to your own opinion, and I'm not a HCP. However, your case is exactly the reason why many opt for an elective C-section.
An emergency C-section has worse outcomes than both an elective and unassisted vaginal delivery. At that point, things are already going wrong. So you were already one of the unlucky ones. Add in the scramble for an operating team in our understaffed, underfunded system, hardly a recipe for success, is it?

Neither method, ELCS or vaginal delivery guarantees anything. It's about your own opinion and risk tolerance. You could have had a similar outcome no matter what your delivery method and wondering 'what if'.

With that in mind, it's about what you can tolerate. I wouldn't be able to handle hours and hours of labour neither do I have any confidence in emergency medical resourcing. At least with a planned C-section the staff are available, if not you just wait.

Again, my opinion might change as I research more, but other people's experience aren't a scientific basis for forming a conclusion. Besides, DH and I both ND (ADHD and autism between us) so if there's anything wrong with the kid well it's probably genetics. But we knew that risk, or we wouldn't have chosen to even try and reproduce anyway.

@Yulona

I did say other factors would be at play.

However, there is a link between autism and the immune system (many develop autoimmune disease of some sort at a later point) and obviously asthma/allergies/eczema linked to the immune system.

So I will always, personally, feel a sense of regret that the caesarean had to happen preventing the normal set up so to speak.

My DC born vaginally has multiple issues. My DC born via c section has too. I doubt the birth has anything to do with it either way, most of that sort of thing is genetic.

@babytakemehome

I’m 1/3 who had a baby via emergency caesarean - my DC has autism, adhd, learning difficulties, asthma, allergies, eczema.

Of course other factors are at play in all of that. But I will forever wonder how much the birth contributed.

Then there’s the scar tissue/adhesions, bladder issues I’m left with.

I realise it saved our lives and I’m grateful. But I wouldn’t have chosen it if not needed due to the above.

It's just not true to generalise by saying c sections have worse or more painful recoveries. In doing so you minimise the experience of thousands of women who have suffered lasting injuries and problems from vaginal births.

You're not guaranteed a faster recovery if you have a vaginal birth. These things are largely outside our control.

Yup. I dropped the butt end of a dinner knife right onto the nail bed of my big toe. The pain was like nothing I've ever experienced before or since. I gave birth a few years later and the knife/toe incident is still the worst pain I've ever been in 😂

This is such snarky bullshit.

No, it was my experience, and my daughter-in-law's experience.

C-sections can definitely be quick recoveries for some people. I was up and about the same day, minimal discomfort. Regretted trying running at 6 weeks due to lack of suitable support for the top half but was out hillwalking again at a similar timescale.

I'm SO glad that was your experience.

Are you "the friend " op? It's important that the woman giving birth, has the kind of birth that they feel comfortable with, as much as is possible

I've no experience of Cs, so no helpful advice there, my 3 viginal births were all very different, so probably no helpful advice there either.
All you / your friend can do, is opt for whatever makes you/them feel less stressed.
It has nothing whatsoever to do with dh, in this situation, his opinion is as relevant as mine 😁