My mum’s big birthday and daughter wants to do a gymnastics show

'Maybe I am slightly biased as I’m usually in bed before 10, so someone rocking up at 9 would have missed my whole event'

Hmm. I think if it was your 70th you could push bedtime back until 11pm? That gives 2 full hours for photos and cake eating. This 70th may even go until the early hours imagine all the group poses that would allow. Perfect.

Maybe I am slightly biased as I’m usually in bed before 10, so someone rocking up at 9 would have missed my whole event 😭😂

Why did the Op make the commitment to dinner knowing the dates may well clash?

Why not say we'll need to hang off until we know the date of the show before we book dinner?
She knew the Daughter was training for it. It's not like it came out the blue.

I think your husbands suggestion is reasonable, you go ahead and they join later.

I was being a bit silly and sarcastic. Usually folk that constantly say 'family first!' say things like discusting. 'Bubz' and 'little man' too but I didn't see the opportunity for that.

Tbf I do agree that seeing grandma on her 70th is important I just don't get the timing fretting. 9pm is fine. Everyone's happy.

If someone is trying to patronise me and be condescending I think it’s reasonable to suggest they learn how to spell first. HTH.

@Cofffffeeeplease we are a big birthday celebrating family in general but honestly my parents would be happy for my kids to do something like this instead of a birthday meal. We make sure that whoever is available goes to the meal. 70th is still just a birthday and you'll be there anyway. It would be really sad for your DD to miss her show that she has been working towards, its not like she won't see your mum afterwards.

I’ve not read all the responses so sorry if this has been suggested already.

I think your DHs suggestion is the best fit- she’s practiced hard and it’s her last one in Primary and she’s still going to see her Grandma on her birthday. I think you could perhaps arrange something else special on top of the meal (e.g afternoon tea) with just your mum, you and daughter to have an additional celebration- maybe meet half way. Personally if I was your mum and feel badly she missed the competition, but, if your mum would be very disappointed perhaps the additional celebration would help to mitigate that. Also though it’s worth considering if anything happened to your mum how would your daughter feel having missed the birthday? Maybe doing an extra thing that’s special is a good compromise. Or just make sure you get an extra special thoughtful gift from your daughter xxx

Did that make you feel big?

It’s not at all clear what the voting is so I don’t think that’s a good measure

I think those people saying she was committed to the gymnastics show before the birthday are missing the fact that the school didn’t say the date of the show !

Of course if months ago the school had said the date then the OP could’ve said in the planning stages of the birthday weekend then that weekend is out. But the school didn’t. They can’t expect these kids to keep every weekend free just in case they suddenly decide that’s the one of the show. What if it’s a child’s birthday that weekend and they’ve arranged a class party ? It’s very odd on the schools part and that’s what I’d be saying to my DD - yes you’ve committed to the show but they didn’t actually tell us the date in advance which says to me the school doesn’t think it’s that big a deal.

Well, not that bizarre seeing most people voted yabu.

Did you mean “disgusting”? 😂

'I did read the OP 🤣 attending at 9pm would be missing the “meal” i.e. the main part of the event'

Missing the meal. How very discusting.

Perhaps they could save the cake until later , I mean I know traditionally that is after desserts with coffee but maybe they could save this very sacred of events and have the candle blowing out a bit later? It may be hard and I'm not saying many folk like yourself could cope with such a massive alteration in birthday procedures and protocols but it might work. Strength and hope to the op coping with this dilemma .

I have never, ever seen a grandparent stick their grandchild away from them at a family event, usually they are super keen to sit next to them. Am I living in a parallel universe and people in the real world don’t actually like their grandkids or something? 😂

I can absolutely see your dilemma but my issue here is with the school. Very odd that they have kids practicing for weeks on end for a show that they won’t say a date for until 2 weeks before. I think I’d have had to have asked the school ages ok to sort the date out due to the possibility of it clashing with this weekend. And if they wouldn’t, then warn both your DD and the school that there is a possibility that she wouldn’t be able to take part if it falls on the date of the 70th.

But commitments (made before the show date was announced) to family don’t matter? Bizarre!

Our son is a member of a drama group and in the run up to a show and obviously for the show itself there is no way he misses rehearsals and performances short of catching COVID or similar. Part of the ethos of getting kids involved in this kind of thing is about learning to follow through with commitments and be part of a team. It's an incredibly valuable lesson for the future.

Not if there's loads of people. Someone has to sit the end

Yeah I don't get this obsession with the meal itself

Really? Most granny’s I know adore their GC
and would be chatting away making a fuss, but perhaps that’s because the effort is reciprocated!

She will be involved with the birthday just at 9pm. Do you stop taking photos at 9pm or something?

'Family first always' absolutely not. Compromise and workable solutions always first.

She's 70. Get a grip.

If she doesn’t go to the meal she’ll be letting down Granny. We model that family is first, and also the meal was committed to first so should be honoured, but clearly not everyone feels that way.

I did read the OP 🤣 attending at 9pm would be missing the “meal” i.e. the main part of the event.

”Undue importance” is your opinion, in our family we love celebrating people at birthdays and making sure all members of the family feel valued and important. I know people on mumsnet love to martyr themselves but I think it’s very healthy and important for children to see others being the centre of attention and learning that the entire family doesn’t just revolve around them. Turning up as an afterthought is quite rude to be honest.

Exactly! It's not like there'll be much interaction if DD is sat at the far end of the table anyway. It would just be so grandma could watch her eat from afar. Pointless.