My mum’s big birthday and daughter wants to do a gymnastics show

I'm assuming lots of people think there should be a toast along the lines of "so happy we can gather together to celebrate mum's 70th, we must all treasure this moment as mnetters have strongly pointed out you're likely to not have another birthday "?

Because that's how as a society is been decided: 18, 21, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 100 are all considered special birthdays. Just like every tenth year married is considered more special than the others.

The real point here is that a big event to celebrate has been planned and was planned long before the date of the gymnastics event was made available. As I said, I would have flagged this with the gymnastics organisers to check when the event might be and see if it clash could be avoided bit as that didn't happen the event is not as important as the birthday, especially as the birthday event came first and has been in the diary for months and is considered special to all of those taking part and particularly the person who is being celebrated.

I can't believe the answers on this post.

The 70th birthday should usurp the gymnastics for the following reasons:
*The gymnastics event sounds very low key/ not a big deal, it's not even a competition. If this was a county championship or a national championship, then that would be a different matter but it isn't
*The gymnastics event only gave 2 weeks notice, thus proving how inconsequential it is
*Your mum's 70th has been in the diary for a long time.
*70th birthdays are a big deal and should be celebrated. Loads of people die in their 70s in the UK.
*Your family sounds like it is geographically very difficult to get everyone together as you are so far apart so when you do all get together it is a big deal.
*Your DH just sounds like he wants to get out of this family reunion and using your DD as an excuse which is bad form.

I hope you all get together to celebrate your mum.

It's a medical fact, not a new low. You can only obviously have one birthday.

Honouring your parent is good. But not at the expense of your child. Can you not honour your parents without your child and husband being there, without sacrificing your child's happiness?
I know I would be incredibly pissed off, as a child or adult, if i have been practicing for something and am then I'm forced to go to another event so that someone else is honoured and another feels that the have fulfilled their duty. All done as if my duties, feelings and what I want to honour are not important.
So honour your parents, just make sure to leave room for your child to want to honour you, without being forced to, later on in life.

But everyone won't be able to make every milestone event in your family as the kids get older and priorities change. This is just the beginning..go with DHs plan and then your dd can arrive with lovely bunch of flowers and it will be like another treat. Everyone is happy.

Ageee, calling it 'your priorities" makes it sound like the decision rests solely with you, not dd who's competition it is, or do who is suggesting plans.

when does this start, stop or change though? Its possible that ANYBODY might die at any time. Does this mean that no one wshould miss any relative's birthday? why is 70 more important than 69 or 71?

A new low even for MN… birthdays don’t exist past birth! 😂😂😂😂

Do the show and drive up after. If she’s been practicing as part of a team, not going will mean they have to alter the routine at short notice or find someone who can learn it - it’s a complete faff. If the team has committed to the competition then she really needs to do it. It’s a good lesson in what being in a team means.

I really don't understand the attitude on here that birthdays are not important. This is a milestone birthday and has been in the diary for months. Whereas the show has not.

I have to say if I was the OP I would have pressed the organisers for a date and told them that DD was not available on the date of the birthday meal, but I absolutely would be prioritising the birthday event which is much more important than some primary school gymnastics show.

If it were an important competition that would be a little different, but it isn't. So it really isn't more important and I worry what we are teaching our children if we teach them that whatever they want to do is always more important than other people.

While 70 these days is not necessarily a great age it is always possible after 70 that they will not live to see the next milestone birthday and I definitely would not be prioritising a gymnastics event over an important family birthday.

Two special Birthdays, the milestone 18th, and 100. You actually only have one Birthday, the day you are born.

It's not like she'll be missing the birthday completely. She'll arrive for cake and the party back at the house.

Why should the Daughters efforts and commitments If op completely disrespected

If there would be other shows I’d say family meal - but it’s her last one so I think that takes priority.

If it was a 69th birthday maybe but for a 70th hour dd has to go to her Granny's special birthday. Yabu to think about missing it

And I think my brother would feel bewildered at my priorities.

Are you sure you're not projecting your own guilt onto him? Why would he feel bewildered? It's perfectly sensible to let your daughter do her show, particularly given that she will still be turning up on the day.

If she were my grandaughter I would say go ahead with the gymnastics and have the birthday another day. I could not bear the little girl missing anything and I think most grandmas would feel the same

But most grandparents would still feel bad about making their grandchild miss something they've worked on, no matter how much of a fuss you made of them. After all, you'll still be at the birthday meal and can still make a fuss of your mum.

Let your DH take her, them come up late.

We used to say sorry, no, to the DC when things clashed with family occasions. I felt DC were learning, as I did growing up, that my stuff wasn't important as everyone else & should be set aside for others' occassions.

There's a balance, and compromise, and performing then doing the pita drive up late is an option.

I think your husband's idea is a good one. As a grandmother, I would really hate to think I'd made a grandchild miss something they'd been working towards and looking forward to, and it's not as if your mother won't see your DD at all. Plus your daughter pulling out may mess up the show.

Personally I'd let your dh take dd. She has practised for the show and I'm.sure your mum will understand

Why do you only get 2 weeks' notice of the gymnastics show? If the children are practising for something shouldn't they know when it's going to be on??

You can still make a fuss of your mum even if DH and DD miss a big meal and join later.

what your brother thinks is irrelevant.

but does your DD really want to do this show?

Id let her do the show and dh drive her up after, surely everyone would understand?

For me the 70th birthday meal would trump the gymnastics show every time. It’s not a competition just a show at primary school level. You look back and remember big family birthdays, I certainly do. Your DH is probably dreading the family do if he doesn’t get on with your Mum, so that’s why he’s pushing the gym show. It suits his agenda.