My mum’s big birthday and daughter wants to do a gymnastics show

How would people feel if they had booked a birthday party for their child on a certain day, paid for venue / entertainment / food. 20 kids had replied to say yes to the invite, and then a week or so before most cancelled because the school gymnastics group had said actually we’re doing the show that day?

The school are in the wrong here being so casual about it. Therefore it is clearly not that big a deal.

Your daughter isn't taking part in a competition so there is no reason she can't miss the show. She will have other shows she can take part in but this a family celebration that won't be repeated for many years, if ever. Surely every one your weekends are not dictated by an 11 year olds hobby. Give and take is a lesson that has to be learned.

I don’t think anyone is saying it can only be celebrated then, just that the meal is the “main event” and has already been booked, before the date of the show was known.

If you accept an invitation to an event, it’s rude then to bin it off for a better offer or turn up late, after the main part is over, I’m shocked some people don’t think that, surely that’s basic manners.

That I can't answer my only guess is something to do with getting thr venue cheap or free booking at the last minute.

Would people be so blàse about missing the show if Op had paid for the coaching sessions and paid for her outfit etc.

Apparently once the meal has ended that's it. Birthday celebration over, hometime, that's it folks.

Well, according to a couple of posters. Where most of us would make a big birthday last a couple of days and food, celebrations can be dipped in and out of.

But if that's the case then I think they should be working on the basis that it's great if the kids can make it but no big deal if they can't.

If the OP didn't know when the show was happening, it's not reasonable to expect her not to commit to anything else in the general time window of when the show might happen. If the teacher's time and the team's efforts are that important, these shows need to be better organised.

But why is the rule that the grandmothers birthday can only be celebrated between the hours of eg mid day and 7.30pm on the actual day and anything else is somehow disrespectful?

It will still be her birthday at 9pm.and it is possible to celebrate birthdays before and after the event instead of, or preferably as well as on the day. Its not as if they are going to ignore her birthday completely!

My dad's birthday was the day before DDs. The year she was born I'm pretty sure we didn't do anything to celebrate on the day. In subsequent years we sometimes had a family get together to celebrate both....

Can a friend at gymnastics not take your daughter. Your dh is being a prick though.

That's a good question.

Purely a guess but I wonder if they get the venue cheap if they book last minute.

But whatever the Op knew the show was happening, the girl has been working for it. I would think differently if it was a playdate or another low effort event. But not something involving a team and teachers time.

Why not compromise?

Honestly, she'd have been devastated so he missed his competition?!

My parents would never be so selfish as to demand the dgc all stand to attention and attend a do.

Flexibility is an an important life skill! Teach it to your dc or they'll be demanding the same in decades to some. One can attend competitions and wish a grandparent happy birthday surely.

I can't even remember who was at my parents big birthdays and I very much doubt they can.

But why don't the organisers give more notice of when the shows are to minimise the likelihood of children who have practised for them having prior commitments at the same time?

What are you on about? It’s her 70th birthday, clearly a one off event. The OP says these gymnastics shows happen all the time.

We had similar with MIL 80th. She would have been devastated if DS hadn't been there and it was arranged before his karate competition. DS was 10 at the time and completely understood that this competition was one that he would miss.

Other people are very important but why is Granny so much more important than the team mates and the teachers who gave up their time to coach the kids?

Compromise!! It doesn't have to be 100% to Granny 0% to Team.

I did suggest earlier that Op could ask the organisers if her school could be first so she can do her bit and get on the road.

You could literally apply this to the grandmother

Bingo again! No, a well brought up child with good self esteem will perfectly be perfectly fine and able to cope with not being the primary focus the odd time or two.

I honestly don’t understand this obsession with “the world revolving round others” instead of recognising the give and take of normal society. I can only surmise that some people have very low self esteem and cannot cope with the thought of not being the central concern in the plans and therefore need to assert that their wants must come first!

Well I think the husband is being a bit disingenuous here. I wonder if he’d be holding his view so strongly if it was his mum’s birthday, or somebody he got on better with?

Yep, for all the reasons I stated above.

In this case, the 70th birthday party is more important than a cack-handedly organised/ communicated, casual gymnastics event

So teach them the world revolves around others, and what op and extended family want?

Actually average death age in the UK is 81 according to Google.

I am suspecting most 70th birthdays for the average person will be the last one in very 'good health' Vs your 80th.

I do think, as a country, we should be more open about death but maybe not in the toast 😂

Gymnastics every time, I'm sure the grandmother would agree - literally just a meal and you can easily arrange something more special and memorable for your daughter to offer the gran the day after

Just have an honest chat with the grandmother so you don't feel the burden of the decision

I actually think that it's crucial to teach DC that the whole world does not revolve around them and that there are other events in life that are more important than them'

I actually think that it's crucial to teach DC flexibility and that it doesn't always have to be choice between letting your team down or letting family down when there are options that keep everyone happy.

@Yeahno

I actually think that it's crucial to teach DC that the whole world does not revolve around them and that there are other events in life that are more important than them.

Personally, for all the reasons I stated above, the 70th birthday celebration usurps a poorly organised, poorly communicated, casual gymnastics event.

bingo!

Her efforts aren’t being disrespected. She’s done brilliantly, but she’ll have to miss the show this year because it’s clashing with Granny’s big birthday and she’s not been well. Far more notice was given for the birthday. Maybe Granny’s last big birthday get-together, the next one will be her 80th. It’s not the Olympics, or a regional championship or even in local comp, it’s a primary school show. I did loads of them as a kid, I have tons of photos of me doing gym shows in primary school, but they all blur in to one. But I can remember all the parties we had for all my grandparents big birthdays, none of them are here now. Every family is different, me and my children are super close to my Mum, we live 10 mins away, not 4 hours. It just wouldn’t be an option to miss her meal, we go to every school event, we’re really involved in the school community but sometimes somethings got to give.