My mum’s big birthday and daughter wants to do a gymnastics show

I think its nice to mark birthdays and we're quite unmumsnet that we do generally mark and enjoy significant birthdays - even as adults ....but we've always been a but elastic about when they're celebrated.
Different if you've booked a restaurant , issued invites etc - that would be awkward but one of the benefits of a small family (my family is also small) is that's its potentially easier to reschedule or get together an additional time.

DDs birthday is in the school holidays and IL always go away the same week - we tease her that she's like the Queen and her birthday celebrations are often a series of events between the end of July and beginning of September.

RitaIncognita · Today 12:07
I get the feeling family and milestone birthdays aren't important to a lot of people on here

I'm old. Milestone birthdays are important to me. But what's even more important, if fact, probably most important to me these days, are my grandchildren and their success and happiness”

Absolutely this. Though haven’t given a hoot about my birthday for decades, forgot my 26th birthday on our honeymoon 😁

Let DD do the show and all go for brunch together on Sunday.

My birthday isn't so important that I would expect a family member to drop something important to them just to celebrate it.

I get the feeling family and milestone birthdays aren't important to a lot of people on here

I'm old. Milestone birthdays are important to me. But what's even more important, if fact, probably most important to me these days, are my grandchildren and their success and happiness.

All the fuss about adult birthdays - just do it the following weekend ? Really it's not that big a deal to miss an adults birthday party ..

Your daughter comes first. Birthdays aren't a big deal but a memory like this for your daughter obviously means a lot to her. If her gran is a decent gran, she'll understand that not everything is about her and she'll want her granddaughter to do something that is important to her.

DH's solution is a sensible compromise.
You can extend the celebrations with a brunch or lunch the next day.

I would prioritise family without a doubt. This is a chance to show your mum that she's important to you all. Of course she'll be gutted if her granddaughter isn't there.

I get the feeling family and milestone birthdays aren't important to a lot of people on here though, like you shouldn't expect anything from anyone ever. Which is fine, every family is different, so maybe that's you too.

Agreed. I would want my GD to do the show and come up afterwards and be there the next day. Your DH has offered a great solution and your DM is being very self centred if she is upset.

A big Sunday lunch in addition is surely the answer, then your DD can do both the show and respect and celebrate Grandma’s birthday.

Let your DH bring her up after the show. Her priorities matter too.

Your daughter is family. Recognising what is important to her is prioritising family too.

There will be plenty of shows your daughter can take part in in the future. Your mum might not have that many birthdays!

I'm sure your mum would rather her granddaughter did her show.

This

I’d go with your husband’s plan. 70th birthdays aren’t really any more significant than 69th and 71st birthdays, except for the marketing hype.

The late notice is really irritating, but as a grandmother, although I would be disappointed of course, I would be more upset if my grandchild were forced to come to my party and miss something this important to her. I think your DH's solution is a good one.

My GC chose to do a choir performance on her own birthday, these things are important to children and builds commitment in them. Realistically every birthday could be our last. I agree that your DH takes her and she joins later. 70's used to be a big deal because so few people reached that age. I'm into celebrating birthdays, but children don't have to miss out on things.

can't you string out the birthday plans so that there is a breakfast or lunch the next day?

If you are all travelling presumably this is a weekend event?

Tbh I would really hope an adult of 70 could see that for a child something like this is what motivates and keeps them enjoying their hobbies - life is so hard and joyless for modern kids a lot of the time (schools so focused on formal learning etc) - this is the stuff to really encourage children with

Also, I would feel completly conflicted with this too. Of all the weekends!

Yes you're right op YOUR family comes first. Your daughter is your family

I would really let your daughter do her activity - she trained for it! she wants to get the fun and enjoyment and new experience.There are many meals you can have as a family - or could you change the 'big meal' to the sunday

I really don't think a family meal on one particular day should come bfore something - it is so so hard to get kids active and busy and everything that encourages them to want to be social and do sport - should be prioritised.

think of how that may sustain her during teen years - you want to really encourage her to keep at her sport.

My son plays football and the tournaments/ matches are what keep him focused!

Let Dd do her show, especially if it’s her last in primary school/with that group. She’ll still get to see her grandmother and your mum is old enough to know and be proud of the fact your Dd has made a commitment to this gymnastics group.
could the plans be altered so you do the dinner, or brunch/lunch, on the sunday?

Yes, what your dh suggested makes sense. I missed the last summer fair of Primary school because of an event my dad had. It was important to him and his parents and PIL went too as well us us but I wish that they would have got a friend to take me to the fair (nearly 30 years ago now!). If your dd has been working hard for this and it is potentially the last time she will get to do something like this with this group of friends.

Explain the reason to your mum and maybe have cake and a tea party on the Sunday to still include her in celebrations for your mum's birthday.