My mum’s big birthday and daughter wants to do a gymnastics show

Your DH has come up with a perfectly reasonable solution, it's not as your Mum is going to be left without anyone to celebrate with her. It would perhaps be a bigger conversation if you DD attending her show also preventing you from attending but that is not the case in this situation.

Your daughter has made a commitment to her gymnastics group, and her peers. It's not just your daughter that will be disappointed but she will be letting her peers down too.

My Mum would want my daughter to do her show rather than a birthday meal and too be honest I'd be pretty angry if my daughter skipped out of her commitments for my birthday.

I'm genuinely really surprised at these answers. I'd personally give a family 70th birthday celebration far greater priority.

Absolutely. 2 people not being there but still there later and for the rest of the weekend really isn't failing to honour them.

Do the birthday. It sounds like there may not be another opportunity to get everyone together.

Every child has that experience of not being able to do something important to them. It sucks, but it's how you learn to deal with disappointment gracefully.

Dh is right. Also this show was technically penciled in first. You know she’s been practising and training for it for a long time. They have to organise a date that fits with many other teams. As you say this is her last primary one too that’s a big deal to her.

A birthday happens every year. 70 is no different to 69 or 71. Now if she was turning 100 I might feel slightly different but she’s still going to be there Saturday evening and Sunday till you leave.

I'm just wondering what your daughter and Mum think about the situation? There seems to be a lot of second-guessing happening here and a couple of honest conversations could save a lot of trouble. I'm sure between you there must be a compromise that can be reached without hurting anybody's feelings.

I would def let my DD do the show and come up with DH after.

She is on a team and putting a lot of time and effort in to practicing.
I don't think it is fair to make her miss it.

I say this from a position of having had a DC who did a sport which meant a lot of family/social things missed.

If I was your Mum I would feel worse about her missing the gymnastics versus the dinner.
There will be time on both the evening and the sunday to all be together.

As your children grow older commitments and social events mean a lot of compromising and adjusting expectations.

If you were 70 ,op and it was your birthday
Would you want your granddaughter missing something she had been practicing for ,for months
I definitely wouldn't.
Let the young be young ,while they can ,they have all their life for stuffy birthday meals

Absolutely no way my dd would be missing her gran's 70th. Understand her disappointment but mum's birthday is important.

DHs solution is a good one. But he can cut the crap about priortising the daughter. He can do that on this day and you can put your mum first. She's 70 - there may not be many more big birthdays.

TBH I'd probably tell him to not bother coming up at all.

She didn’t. Read the OP again.

I missed a (admittedly more once in a lifetime type) trip once for a hobby that at the time was seen as "just a bit of fun" that I now do professionally and it still stings 35 years later 😅

She'll still be there later and it's a meal in a restaurant, not a big party with dancing etc.

I’m really surprised so many think the DD’s gymnastics show should be prioritised over a 70th birthday. To give a different perspective, I did gymnastics and dancing at primary school and performed in a few school shows. Apparently I loved it but rapidly lost interest in secondary school with new friendships and boys to contend with. In my 30’s I can’t really remember much of the primary school shows but I can remember my grandparents joint 70th birthday party when I was 11 as it was a big deal. I was allowed a small glass of champagne and we got to stay up late, dance and hang out with our cousins that we didn’t see all the time. There are professional photos of the party that are treasured (certainly since my grandparents have now passed) and I think I’d be more upset as an adult to know I’d missed an important event like that for a primary school show.

I'm sure your mother would understand! Any 70 year old should know how important these things are for youngsters and to be frank she's had 70 birthdays and will have a bunch more. You'll be there, and her grandma gayer will be there after dinner (and not long after after dinner surely)?

I feel sad for your DD. From your updates you say that your mum would be fine with it but despite that I am getting the tone that you will have your DD miss her performance.

Your DH suggestion is very sensible. She gets to do both that way.

I am not a GM but I would just be happy to see my GC at any point over the weekend - blimey she will probably get even more of a fuss made of her [DD] if she turns up later.

I gave DS17 no option but to attend his DGPs birthday meal for his 90th. However we did move the time back slightly so he could still go to his rugby match ( in school first XV).

Sometimes these clashes are unavoidable, however here its a 70th not a 90th and your DD and DH will be there - just not for the whole event. Your DB may disapprove- does he have DCs? - but you make the choices that best work for your family.

I wouldn't because - it’s her last one in primary school and she’s been practicing every week after school for this.

OP's mum will have her son and daughter there, that's the main thing. Her son's family will also be there and the OP's DH and DD will join them later. She's having a nice birthday weekend. It's not either or unless OP makes it so.

Some of the replies here are really sad. The grandparents birthday would come first. Family is really important to me but I suppose we are all different due to circumstances. I've only read first couple of pages but someone has actually suggested that a family meal, celebrating someone's 70th birthday, could be 'nudged' to the Sunday. For a child's gymnastics show that is 'just a bit of fun'.
Imagine suggesting that to your family! Who are all travelling a long way to celebrate this birthday.

Anyway, that's my opinion. Grandparents are a blessing, family is a blessing and I try not to miss an opportunity to show that.

I think the w/e is at the parents' house and they're going out for a meal.

I would tell my DC that they would have to miss their activity in that scenario. Plenty of other opportunities to do gymnastics shows

You could argue that Birthdays aren't important either - just a marking of time, which is something to do with physics and stuff sorry Hawking

We do all sorts of things which don't really make sense.

You said it was at your parents house in OP

I want to make a fuss of them and honour their milestone birthday.

You still will do. 8 people instead of 10 is still plenty for a nice meal out. It's never possible to have a decent chat with everyone at those dinners anyway and she'll be there later and the day after. I think it's over-egging the importance of the meal (and of 'milestone birthdays') to insist on all being there. Life goes on for everyone around us and there's an easy solution here. It's not like she's not going to be there at all.

If it's not on your Mum's actual bday would she be willing to move it for the sake f having your husband & daughter there?

Regardless it seems fine for daughter & husband to go up later imo.

ETA-sorry jus seen your post saying that it can't be moved.