My mum’s big birthday and daughter wants to do a gymnastics show

This. My mum would insist on grandchild attending performance

We did my Dad's 70th birthday in July, renting a cabin on a lake and having the family stay for a week. His actual birthday is in April.

Indeed.

A young female child who often decide once they hit secondary school level that sports or Pe isn’t for them and give it up totally.

Where as this one has a love for gymnastics, so would be likely to keep it up. But if it becomes pointless and her effort is undermined and deemed of no importance she may become one of those who doesn’t do sports anymore.

Your missing the point about the child who has practiced for THIS show.

Swiping it away from her, because of a clash of dates and people putting the birthday as more important than her efforts. It's also letting her team mates down.

What's the point in her putting effort into any sort of show, or display again if neither of her parents care?
This is a young child we are talking about.
There needs to be compromise.

@MadamVastra

and the woman who gave birth to OP isn’t her family?!

it’s gonna be shit for you when your offspring have kids of own if they adopt your mindset

I mean OP at the end of the day it's no good asking here because we're all different and would do different things. I think it's fine for DH to take DD to do her thing and then join you all for the rest of it.

Others think differently.

None of us are going to be there on the day cheering you on or booing - so you have to come to a decision as a family. Take a vote. The 3 of you. If DD and DH would rather come up later on Sat (knowing Gran would understand) go with that and sod what your brother thinks!

Op what time does the Gymnastics show start?
You could explain the situation and ask if it can be arranged for her group to be first, close to the start of the show. And all leave straight after she has done her bit, would that get you there in time for dinner?

I actually think the show sounds poorly organised given the little notice of the dates. I think it would be unfair for DD to miss out. But I also think Granny's birthday is pretty important, if it really comes to it I'd go with your DH suggestion, missing the meal but still seeing Granny. Which I'll assume is an over night so catching up with rest of family too.

Let your daughter go with your husband. As a woman who celebrated her 70th birthday recently, it would not make my day if a grandchild missed something to attend my celebration.

DH is happy to miss it because ... can't remember how OP phrased it - he's obvs not that close to his MIL.

He and DD are giving up the Sat night and Sunday to go up to see MIL on her big 70th b.day weekend. That's enough isn't it? Unless she's gravely ill and this will be her last one i think it's all a bit of an OTT fuss.

She'll see everybody all at once on the Sat night/Sunday.

Even OP has said her mum would prob prefer the DD to do her hobby. I think this is more about optics for OP. She mentioned what her brother would think ....

I guess we don't put such importance on birthdays in our family, but it just seems such a shame for DD to miss the event she practiced for when she can still appear at the end of the meal.
It's not perfect, but DDs gymnastics show is also important to her and she didn't create the scheduling conflict.

8/10 people for some of it and 10/10 for the rest does indeed sound pretty good.

Except that this meal is the focal point of the whole weekend - missing a different bit wouldn't matter anywhere near so much.

And except that having "everyone" there for a family celebration is so incredibly precious. It'll be infinitely more special for the grandmother if everyone can be there.

Hopefully there might be many more major celebrations when she can be surrounded by her whole family. But - especially at 70 - there's no guarantee.

There will also be plenty of opportunities to watch a teen doing gymnastics.

Let DH take your DD to the show and bring her up after the big sat meal - then have a 2nd, complete with DD, meal on the Sunday.

She's done all the ones she's had the chance to be in so far, and all of the plays she could have been.

But she understands that, for example, booking to visit her grandparents for the weekend means she has to miss any friend's birthdays party she might subsequently be invited to that weekend.

It's not even as complex as prioritizing. It's basic good manners. And having good manners, keeping her word, and coping with some disappointment will hold be far more valuable in shaping her character than an extracurricular activity.

The family meal comes first it’s not every day her grandmother is 70, plus it’s already arranged.

I think grandmas birthday is hugely important, which is why it is so bad that OP messed up the scheduling. The school doesn’t provide an exact date, but there is still a range of potential dates. Op never should have scheduled something for one of those potential weekends. This party should have been planned for a weekend that everyone was guaranteed available.

since that didn’t happen, some people will miss the party.

And maybe your daughter would have liked to go some more ballet shows.

Whereas we have no photos like that on display, and I remember hardly anything about any birthday or other family celebrations, although we have certainly been to a few. I do remember very clearly certain events my children took part in, usually as part of a group or team, and how proud I was of their achievements/performance.

We're all different.

I think the fact that it’s her last show with the primary school makes it significant enough so I’d go with her and your husband joining you later . Your mum will still get to see her entire family on the one weekend .

O's mum will have the whole day & meal with 8/10 of the invited people.

The other 2 will be there for the evening & the next day.

I think that that is pretty good tbh.

Touched a raw nerve there did I?

Remember that will be you relegated one day too, when you're just the oldie.

Touched a raw nerve there did I?

If it's that formulaic then they should release the date a few months ahead.

No club can reasonably expect an open commitment of "whatever Saturday we fancy choosing with little notice".

You might as well argue that the birthday would have been known about for 70 years (to DM) whole life (to OP and DD) and since marriage (to DH)!

I don’t know many people who display photos apart from a couple above the fire these days, maybe a couple on a bookcase.

Those would tend to be of the couple, their children(their wedding photo) and then grandchildren.

Certainly Not uncle Richard’s 70th and granny’s 90th.

I have photos on display (that I can think of right now) from Aunt's 70th, Uncle's 75th, grandmother's 100th, grandmother's 60th, mother's 50th, brother's 40th, PIL's 40th WA, BIL's 30th.

If I wanted to find a photo of one of my music recitals, or one of my daughter's ballet shows, or anything like that... well it would take an awful lot of digging around to find one.

Your mother will remember her birthday for the rest of her life. Gymnastics shows will eventually blur into one.