To say no more bringing the dog to our house

As far as I'm concerned all dogs are 'it' whether I happen to know their gender or not.

Some bonkers comments here. You don't want to look after your partners ex's dog. Fair enough. So don't. She was an idiot to take on a dog without thinking through care responsibilities.

Why didn't you say no straight away? You should enforce boundaries in your own home. It simply isn't up to you to be taking care of the dog, what if anything happens whilst he or she is in your care? I wouldn't be surprised if she would expect ou to pay or go halves on the vet bill. I'd tell your dh that the dog isn't welcome and actually it's you doing the legwork not him. Yanbu!

1. Wrong. The dog isn't part of OP's family anymore than the ex is - nobody would propose for her to stay overnight.
2. Have you really missed the fact that the kids do indeed bring the dog with them when they arrive, but dont take it away with them when they leave? Instead, they/the ex dump it on OP to provide unpaid doggy daycare.

Just say no. Before you know it you will become dog carer, taking it vets etc.

Pet ownership is costly - food, flea treatment, worming tablets, vaccinations - it soon mounts up

Just say no. Before you know it you will become dog carer, taking it vets etc.

Pet ownership is costly - food, flea treatment, worming tablets, vaccinations - it soon mounts up

You're definitely not being unreasonable.
Maybe you could let them bring it every so often if it turns out that the kids really would like the dog there, but only if you were ok with that, and definitely not a routine thing.

I can't understand for the life of me why you would even consider stopping the children from bringing their dog! It's part of the family and it's wrong to leave it overnight. Let them bring the dog for goodness sake!!

I can’t understand why you think OP should. She is not the dog’s owner and who knows if it would even listen to her. If it destroys parts of their home, will the ex-wife pay for the damage? OP obviously wasn’t asked if she wanted to be responsible for the dog when the ex-wife got one or would see it as a family pet that she wouldn’t mind visiting.

If this was any other relative or family member, very few if any would say they would have to have the dog in their home. Ex-wife got a dog, it is fully her responsibility to take care of it and that includes finding people who want to have a dog in their home.

🙄

It is not part of the OPs life, the dog belongs to her Husbands Ex wife. So fuck all to do with Toopytoop

Never ceases to astound me how idiots will literally find any and every excuse to make the step mum the bad guy

the dog belongs to the exW. SHE and she alone is responsible for it. It stays in HER house. The kids come and stay with their dad and that is all there is to it.

Yes, this is a good idea. It sounds like the husband is fine with it because the bulk of looking after is done by the OP.

@Pheasantsmate

its rough being a woman

you’re either “the bad guy/wicked stepmother” or else be a complete doormat whose wants and needs count for fuck all

don’t stand for it it op and ignore all the Martyrs on here

No, you weren’t clear. Are you saying the dad should have shut all this down in the beginning when ex asked to avoid OP being set up as the evil step-mother?

Either this or surely the dog will be asleep in the night and perfectly fine at home for the 8 night time hours. The ex goes home and sorts her own dog out.

Yanbu.
But those who think she should have the dog, how does it work if the dog trashes the house? Would ex be expected to have insurance to cover it it is it ops responsibility as she is meant to be looking after a dog she doesn't want in her home for no thanks? Dogs defecate and urinate and puke where they shouldn't, are rarely well trained. Also what if the dog gets injured, say it eats chocolate at OPs house. Is OP responsible for the vet bill?

Christ. Do people not understand nuance. I didn’t say it MAKES her an evil stepmother, I said it is “setting her up to be” completely different.

In referring to the “my house, my rules” approach, when the kids have asked their dad and he has said yes and the stepmother turns around and is the one to say no- citing this is my house- she is being set up to be the bad guy. I hope that is clear

Nope. The adult who buys the pet is responsible for the animal. Entirely

jeez no! Worst nightmare for me to also have dog custody. This thread should be 100% YANBU and 2% have to be those that clearly haven’t read the post It’s a no from today on OP and it doesn’t matter how long you have been doing it you can stop. Your DH and his children will in fact adapt to this change. No way would someone else sign me up for their choice of dog…the hair dirt poop pee can stay at mums house. Curious..IS SHE SENDING FOOD WITH THE DOG or are you expected to provide bowls food treats etc ?

For people asking what happens on other days - its quite common for people in heathcare to work 3 long shifts a week and then have the rest of the week off. It will equate to full time hours

But in this case it has to be my house, my rules, because the only person in the house who looks after the dog is OP.

How can you expect the dad or the kids to have the final say over OP's time and efforts?

It just doesn't make any sense?

And it doesn't make OP an evil-stepmother just because she doesn't want to put herself last, below her husband, his ex-wife and their children.

My point was, that the attitude of the poster I was responding to of “my house, my rules” isn’t going to make the kids feels happy or welcome- particularly when their dad is onboard. It is setting OP up to be the evil stepmother…which she might well be ok with

Do your kids set the rules in your house?

Of course YANBU
I wouldn't want a dog in my house
Just say no.