To ask son to pay for his food?

I was basing it on what the OP said about her bill doubling when he was home all day. Obviously if he's out all the time it would be different.

I understand this to an extent, but you also need to be mindful of if this is true.

My parents could, for example, ask me to contribute 25% of the electricity costs.

But I'm not home all day. I only charge my phone and laptop once a day. The rest of the time I'm out of the house. It would be unfair to ask me to pay for their consumption, because they are home during the day and use the most electricity.

I think if you ask for a flat amount then you're in danger of him thinking you are profiting from him. He won't be aware of bills that way. If you explain to him that half of the electricity bill is his because there are only two people living there, it might encourage him to switch heaters off. If he had to pay for his own food he might not waste any of it. Asking for a specific sum also doesn't force him to cope with the cost of living rise either.

I think he should be paying digs.

An adult in their early 20’s really needs to be learning about budgeting and the COL. You’re not really doing him any favors if he’s not at least paying for his food. If he doesn’t learn about the COL, it’ll be a massive shock in say five years when he wants to move out. Better to learn about budgeting gradually.

He should be fully functional, obviously doing his own laundry, cooking, cleaning and paying towards all of the household costs. Anything less is a disservice.

As of May 1st ask him to start paying £50 a week.

Why would it be considered mean to ask for an adult with an income to pay for the food they eat?

I agree with a previous poster that even better would be for him to take full responsibility for buying and cooking the food he wants and cleaning up after doing so.

He is in his 20s - he needs to be functional, independent adult. You need to view him less as your child and more as your adult lodger

If you lived alone, you would get 25pc single person discount on your council tax so I would also consider charging him for that additional cost as well as his share of energy bills.

He still has a great deal paying no rent and should be saving a considerable amount each month.

Ask for £150 a month - still a bargain and he'll be left with minimum £450 - £1050 to himself!

Early 20s?! Of course he should be paying his own way by now. He needs to learn how much living costs, and how to prepare for and deal with income fluctuations. This situation sounds like a prime example of how boys grow up to become men who are cock-lodgers.

Don’t ask him to contribute to his food. Tell him to shop for himself. If his diet is so restricted and he doesn’t eat what you eat then he can sort himself out. He can start buying his own stuff and feeding himself. He is old enough to learn what food costs.

@FoodieWoodie thank you, it's slow going at the moment because I'm not earning much but my parents are amazing!

This is what I’d like to do with my own kids. Good luck with the saving x

Definitely fine to ask him to buy his own food, and contribute towards rent/bills.

I have GS living with me, to be honest we don't'need to take money off him but I do take £25 a week as he is an adult and working, still a teenager though. I think it is reasonable to expect a contribution.

Asking him to buy his own food will help him as he will to be able to make choices for himself - so out of two things he likes he will begin to choose the cheaper.

I think that's more important than charging him rent.

There is only 2 of you in the house and he is an adult. He should be paying rent and bills plus his own food. His income varying is frankly not your problem. If he was living in a house share or own place he would have to pay his way regardless. You shouldn’t be struggling while supporting a grown adult in your home whether it’s your child or not

YANBU.

I live at home, and my parents have not asked for a contribution towards rent so long as I am saving for a house deposit. However, I do all of my own food shopping and cooking. I sometimes get bits in their Sainsbury's (things not available at other supermarkets) but I do my own shopping

Of course it's not mean!

Write out a list of monthly outgoings and have a conversation with him about how much you need him to contribute. Get him to set up a regular bank transfer to kick in after his weekly/monthly payday.

Agree he should not just be buying his own food, but making a contribution to the general cost of running the household. And doing his share of housework, gardening, diy/maintenance as appropriate.

You're not helping him by enabling him.

Buying his own food is the very basic first step towards him becoming independent. Buying it, preparing it, clearing up after himself.

Next would be his contribution towards basic cost-of-living necessities like utilities, council tax, wifi. You can show him the bills and tell him that he is now responsible for 50% (or whatever you decide).

If he moans about it, suggest he starts looking for a room in a house share.

I'd think he should give you around £50 a week for food as well as paying the extra council tax and a contribution ro other bills. Perhaps £350 tp £400 a month in total. That still leaves him with loads.

You should definitely be charging him a consistent amount, whether he's earning £600 or £1200 a month. I think £50 a week is entirely reasonable, and it still leaves him with a very decent chunk of spending money/savings for his age. You're not really doing him any favours charging him zero, he needs to learn how to budget. He's going to get a serious shock when he actually moves out.

I agree with @IncompleteSenten that this is the best way to explain the situation to him. I imagine that his food choices add considerably to your shopping bills, and it’s simply not affordable for you. If he’d prefer to do his own food shopping, of course, he can also do that.

He is 20 years old, of course he should be buying his own food! As soon as I started earning money as a teenager I was required to pay a contribution (around £150) and also do some small food shops. Does he know how much you’re struggling? It would break my heart if I knew my Mum was digging at the bottom of her bag for change. Speak to him but he needs to pay, OP.