To ask son to pay for his food?

Not mean at all, but I don't understand why you didn't have this discussion with your son when he finished college. Who does he think is responsible for his living costs as an adult?

I charge my adult son a third of the utility bills. I buy regular groceries but if he doesn't want what we have he buys his own, and every couple of months or so he does a family weekly shop.

He should be paying for his own food and making a contribution to other household costs, and also doing a fair share of the cooking/shopping/housework.

Well the sums don't add up. OP I think the point about fairness is right but your son needs to be fair to you too and you need proper not fanciful figures to decide what fair is, I.e. actual bills, actual usage, actual food costs (and if he wants more expensive food, he should pay more than half).

@literalviolence keep being confused then? I really don't care

I'm more confused now. 120pm is more than average electric bill but your part of it is £2 a month (50p a week) including 1/4 of the standing charge which on average would be £16 a month.

@literalviolence implausible or just outside of what you do? Our electricity bill is around £120pm. 4 adults. We're just careful about what we use and when we do things.

You posted an implausible cost on a public forum. Of course you don't have to answer any follow up questions but people are going to have them especially int the context of a col crisis in which many people can't afford their electric bills. If you've got some great provider or way of living which enables your bills to be so much lower than other people's, of course we're going to be interested!
I'm guessing you live with loads of other people to get the standing charge and every bit of electric you use to such a low amount?

Yes it has to be fair but to be fair we have to be honest about what electric, and other bills, really cost. It's really easy for young people to dramatically underestimate bills and then not pay a fair amount at all.

I'm not sure if I missed it, but why is he doing so few hours that income is low and variable.
Is he saving? If not, I'd be coming down hard. Spreadsheet of ALL household bills, split 50:50.
If he is saving, I'd look at 70:30.
Each is responsible for personal bills , phone etc. If he thinks it's unfair, the door is at the front. Time for the man to grow up.

@literalviolence not that it's actually any of your business, but yes. My point was to remind a PP that it has to be fair.

Does that include a % of the standing charge? it's very low l. I just looked up how much it costs to run a fridge and it's only, they say, around £1 a week so if there's 4 of you in the house that's 25p a week. Average standing charge is apparently 53p a day so pp if there are 4 of you, that's 93p a week each. So you'd really cost at least £1.18 a week before you turned on a light, watched TV, used a washing machine or any electric kitchen gadget or charged anything. I can't understand how you calculated it so low. I assume heating and cooking is entirely gas.

I agree with pp it's basically poor parenting not to expect him to comtribute. At that kind of income level at least 80% of his income should be going into hos accommodation, bills and food so you absolutely should expecy him to put 80% of his pay aside - some coming to you and contributing to household costs, and if 80% is more than you need to make ends meet any excess should go into a savings account for him to use when he eventually moves out.

It's really bad for him to get used to spending 100% of his income on frivolity and luxuries. That's setting him up for a lifetime of crap financial management.

I remember when I left school in 2000 ad did a training course - all my mums benefits stopped for me. I was getting £45 a week and I had to give my mum £20, at the time I thought it was the most unreasonable thing ever. Now I think she had every right to ask me, single mum to 3 and needed that £20 which I no doubt cost her a hell of a lot more. Minimum he should be paying is £50 a week

I’d be charging him £200 a month minimum for rent, and get him to buy his own food if he’s fussy.

I honestly don’t think it’s doing anyone a favour to let them live rent free - it comes as that much more of a shock when they eventually move out and find out what a roof over your head, heating, hot water, etc. actually cost.

If you don’t actually need all the rent money, you can always save some for him.

You would be doing your son a disservice by not charging him some digs money. Please don't feel bad.

Definitely not unreasonable! Once me and my sister were earning money my parents gave us the option of either paying a % of the food shops and they would continue doing the shopping or doing our own food shop, I think that’s really normal and I’d never expect my mum to be spending more to get branded things, if he wants those he can pay for them

When our Son started working in a part time job whilst he was still at School we advised him to split his money 50% bills, 20% saving, 30% day to day spends. When he started working full time his 50% bills was split 1/2 to us and 1/2 to an ISA. When he moved out he was used to having 50% of his wages be spent on "essentials" and it meant that he did not struggle where his flat mates found it harder. We worked the percentages on his basic rate of pay. Any overtime he did was his to do with as he wanted, although we suggested he saved half and spent half!

There is no reason an adult should be living free in a house where another adult is struggling to make ends meet.

Just a quick one OP, how much spending money do you have to spend on yourself on the months when your freeloading son “only” brings home £600 with no obligations to contribute to his living expenses?

If his income is so very variable then he needs to compromise, firstly by buying his own food so that you are not wasting your money on uneaten food, and secondly by giving you a set percentage of his earnings every month. 40% might be a starting point for negotiation.

Do your future daughter/son in law a favour and teach him what it costs to run a home now.

@literalviolence typo I meant TV. I don't blow dry my hair, it costs something ridiculously low to charge your phone.

So you don't benefit from any heating? You think your washing, drying, washing up etc can be done for 50p per week?

That seems very cheap if it genuinely includes the appropriate % of fridge costs, washing machine as well as the items you use (maybe hairdryer, laptop, phone charging). But perhaps you did work it out at that detail. What's a TB?

@literalviolence we sat down and did a deep look into it. I cost about 50p per week, compared to them being home all day, running the TB, computers etc

I’m not actually sure that £50 a week would cover the brand name pre-made processed frozen food it sounds like this guys eats for his entire diet.

You do want the fridge still running while you're out though and I guess you also use the washing machine? If you want a full analysis of actual costs you need to go a little deeper into how the electricity is actually used.