To ask son to pay for his food?

He’s a grown adult and he needs teaching what it would be like in the real world if he moves out he’s going to have massive shock

I can't believe how many people with adult children at home live like this.

When I was 17 I was renting a house, doing all my own shopping, cooking, cleaning, paying the bills and budgeting my earnings from working. The thought of my mother shopping for branded items of food to the point of leaving herself short is incomprehensible.

I'm bemused that anyone would live like this.

We have a strong income in our household from my husband an I.
my 16YO has a job. He is paying us some of his money.

it’s not because we need it. It’s because he needs to learn about real life and real costs!
AND he needs to learn I’m not paying for him forever!

(what he doesn’t know is that the money is being tucked away for him - life lessons about savings and responsibilities will have been learnt before he gets it!)

if you need the contribution you DS should absolutely be contributing.

sit down and have a proper conversation about income, and household costs. If he doesn’t know he can’t understand.

Yes ask him.

He is an adult who is earning, of course he should contribute to the utilities he uses and the food he eats.

Def ask for £100 a week min towards bills and food.

I earned around £600 pm and had a student loan top up, still contributed £200 per month board, he needs to be paying his way

You need to find a new system for your finances OP, that's not unreasonable!
You're not doing your son any long term favours by not charging him. He'll only be in for 1 hell of a shock when he moves out and reality catches up to him!

It is entirely reasonable for him to contribute to food/bills & rent. He has gone from no income as a student to 900-1200 a month. He doesn't even know what to do with that and is spending it on random.stuff.

I would take a % my folks asked for 30% so in my first job when I earned £9 a shift, I gave up £3. Then as I went to.college got full time work and progressed i was handing up 600 a month until I moved out. I think a % is good as if he earns a little less then he's benefiting and a little more you benefit.

I agree with PP’s that if he only eats certain brands, it would be far better for him to buy his own food so he realizes what it actually costs.

It’s up to him what he eats, but he needs to budget for it.

That's a big fluctuation income it's double sometimes why OP? You shouldn't have to struggle I agree with others he needs to buy his own food.

My wages varied so i always paid 25% of that months wage.

Charge £300 a month, put £100 in savings for him and use the rest cover food and bills?

I don’t think it would be unreasonable to ask for maybe £200/£250 per month. It seems a reasonable contribution, but also leaving him with some money of his own. I remember paying my parents £250 a month from my first ‘proper’
job salary - I earned £11.5k a year, and never felt so well off! 🤣🤣🤣

Why you not charging rent....it's part of a parents job to teach budgeting so charging rent part of thAt for a working child...

There’s nothing to stop him catering to his own sensory needs by buying his specific food himself. That’s the beauty of independence and growing up; you can buy what you want.

Sensory issues have nothing to do with branded food, that's just being fussy and as such yes he should be paying for his own food plus giving you board for the electric and council tax.

If his sensory issues means he will only eat 'branded' food, I'm presuming fresh fruit and veg are not high on his agenda?
Definitely 100% he should buy and cook all his own food. He doesn't eat your cooking mostly anyway, does he?
If there's one family meal he likes you could still make that occasionally but he's an adult.
I was cooking and buying my own weekly food since 14. (Admittedly was given a modest budget at that age but aged 17 plus I paid for it all) It's a really good way of giving someone independence and budgeting skills.

YANBU

@twinklemoon any thoughts?

He's in for a shock when he moves out

Ask for the money

Ask him for a percentage so that it goes up and down each month depending on his wages. You'll be doing him a huge favour for the future by making him realise the value of money and budgeting.

If he's got sensory needs he may well have a disability. Did you mean to be so disparaging about "How on earth will he learn to be a responsible adult if mummy (...) still caters to every sensory need he has?"

OP said his sensory needs are genuine. Please don't be an ** about that bit.

Get him to buy his own food -it's part of raising a young adult who can be independent in the world.

Also:
he will also not even touch things that are not branded.

This part is is choice, not sensory issues, surely?

You are doing him NO favours by acting this way. How on earth will he learn to be a responsible adult if mummy still pays for everything and caters to every sensory need he has?

Unless he is unable to work / incapacitated / disabled and you’re his official carer, getting an allowance, then I don’t understand why you’re still treating him like a child and why he isn’t standing on his own 2 feet yet?