To ask son to pay for his food?

My DC also has an income that varies between £900 and £1400 due to being on a zero hours contract. I wish the government would do something about these contracts but it was the only job they could find.

He is an adult so i really don't see why you have to ask if it is ok. Why are parents so scared to ask their adult children to contribute i will never know.

Could you charge him a percentage (say 25-30%) of his wages each month? Or else he totally takes over shopping for his own food. It doesn’t help young people to keep a whole wage each month, as they get used to having it, and then struggle when they have their own homes and bills.

This is so much about insulation, age of boiler, type of house in terms of fuel bills.
yes, if someone has heating going flat out at room temps of 21 then it will cost more
BUT, I still pay same on my 1960s dormer bungalow than I did on my 1950 2 story family house, and it’s down to really shit insulation in the dormer roof. Can’t afford to fix it as no space in void so whole roof would need to come off form outside, and possibly major adjustments to get amount of insultstion in needed.

I currently run my home, 1 person, at 18 degrees heating in rooms I’m in during day and 17 in bedroom (1 room switched off completely), and I pay a frigging £2200 a year on a good deal that was fixed for 3 year , in Oct 21 before the hefty price rises. Christ knows what it’ll go up to in September 🤯😱

so, it’s not always about being sanctimoniously “careful”. I’m a pensioner and have to be very careful. I didn’t realise, when I moved here to downsize, I was moving into a shitty plywood tent upstairs. Hey ho…

I think it is absolutely OK to ask him to contribute by paying for his food.

Unfortunately, things are very expensive at the moment and I assume all of your bills have gone up.

It doesn't need to be mean/awkward, just sit down with him and explain that because everything has gone up so much, you need him to contribute to his food/the household.

In the longer term, if/when he decides to find a place of his own, it will be much easier on him if he is used to budgeting.

Tell him to shop for his own food. He is an adult and if he can afford branded luxury snacks he can buy his own meals too. Have you pointed out that you are struggling? If it is just you and your son he should be paying 50% of the electric bill and at least 25% of council tax as you cannot claim the single person discount and 100% of his food provisions given he does not eat the same as you. Point out he is not paying rent.

Council tax also - if she’s on her own she’d get 25% discount ..so that needs to be charged to him.

Ok, time for you to say you’ll be charging rent. I’d work on £50 a week for groceries (food, cleaning stuff etc), and a £50 for bill contribution inc rent/mortgage . That’ll come in at £420 a month.
So about half his average wage.
BUT- I’d be looking at my own budget in detail to determine what I spent on him, and set it out so he can see how much his liv g expenses at home are costing. Share the details of all your outgoings and bills. so that £100 may not be quite right.

Then l’d then be saying

1. So, this is what you’re going to charge him, in light of your expenses
2. you WILL increase this annually on anniversary he started work in assumption he has pay rise, or if he changes job/ takes on more work that’d involve wage increases - you’ll have to keep tabs on this,
3. He will have to pay for all his own spent expenses like food you don’t get, phone, clothes - you cannot provide anything else.
4. that if he thinks it’s too much, then he MUST present you with a written clear budget on what his income vs expenses are over next 12 months, and why he can’t pay you this, and what he calculates is a fair sum- this will make him actually sit done and work out where he’s spending money and teach him basics of budgeting . Tell him you can help him if needed to learn to do this.
5. and possibly set expectations that he cannot live with you long term at those sort of “mum bank discount “prices, he must work to stand on his own feet and becoming independent by house sharing etc.
6. fyi only: make sure you include in your budget, needing to start putting more away for your pension now he should be independent- don’t be he of the 35% of women with a gender pension gap and pension poverty

BUT, I would give him 6 weeks notice of this change. That gives him 6 weeks to get a budget, get his head around these expectations. Or to move out if he doesn’t like it and can’t be arsed to make a budget to counter your calculation with! If he does do a budget and he counters your charges, then do negotiate as he is moving forwards then to responsible fiscal management !

You can always pop some of it away in savings for him later on, when he does move out.

I think that many young people don't really know what it costs to run a house because when they are children their parents pay the bills and things like water, heating, power etc just happen.

I suggest you put together a budget of what you spend each month on keeping the house going, plus car costs if he uses yours, and your income, then have a conversation with him about what is a fair contribution for him to pay. If he doesn't accept he should have to pay anything you may have to insist,but he may just be a young person with no real idea of the cost of living and how much you earn.

The minute I started work at 18 my parents charged me a token 'rent'. Everyone will have a different idea about how much is reasonable, and some keep the money aside for a house deposit later, but it's crazy to have a working child at home who pays nothing.......!!!

Why is his income so low and unpredictable? 18 year old DS works full time and is on minimum wage for his age and he takes home around £1200 (and pays £200 a month board).

If he now works full time and in his 20s he should be contributing to the household costs, a set rent price per month, it will teach him to budget, I know his wage varies but that's life and needs to learn to budget to cover it. It isn't right he should be able to spend his wages on nice treats etc when you're struggling so much. He needs to help out financially.

My son same age lives at home in college and only on 850 per month and gives me 100 per week towards food/bills which is a big help as could not manage otherwise. We often treat each other to a rare takeaway. He needs to give you something a set weekly amount and also write down what he would be paying if he was renting his own place. I know I would survive on such a small amount of food but they are always hungry and I also have to buy gluten free/dairy free and expensive. Make that list and tell him this is how it is, keep it short and sweet but to the point. The little bit extra takes the pressure off and helps them to understand bills etc.

He may stop buying so much branded food when it starts to hurt his pocket

Yes he should be buying his own food or contributing to the shopping bill.

I wouldn't focus on his issues by asking for money for food, but would definitely ask for a minimum 25% of average income for board.

Even if a house is paid for someone has had to pay for it, so it would be fair to pay to use it and towards upkeep. House insurance, for example, will generally increase with more residents living in the property.

And wear and tear on furnishings, appliances etc will be greater if more people are using them. An adult man is likely to be harder on furniture than a woman, simply because he is bigger and heavier.

250 per month to cover food shopping and bills. He’s not going to get that anywhere else. He’s in his early twenties… what kind of husband do you think he will be if you enable him now? He will be a cock lodger.

@concernedchild you don’t have to answer questions but because you are concerned with everything being fair, do you pay towards the actual cost of housing? Even if a house is paid for someone has had to pay for it, so it would be fair to pay to use it and towards upkeep. House insurance, for example, will generally increase with more residents living in the property.
Obviously, you don’t have to answer this question but do you really believe that when you move out your electricity bill will be 50p a week?

Off course YANBU. I have two 20+ DC at home, both saving for the future but living in an area with low wages, high property prices & a non existent rental market make it hard.

They both pay rent. One pays £50 a week if he's had income that week (variable hours on agency work) & the other pays a set monthly amount.

I don't suppose it covers their entire living cost but it definitely helps.

I have 2DC, one is in very similar circumstances but is younger (late teen). This DC pays 20% of income up to a max of £300 a month for everything (food and all bills). Generally, it works out to around £200 a month. I have also offered this as a set amount but DC is happy with current contribution. Older DC is studying but is funded, so has more money, they pay £300 a month for everything. I offered to lower it if they were struggling but again they are happy with this amount.

I think this just highlights how important it is to have the finance conversations with your children before they start full time employment and set out expectations from the start. It is worrying how many 20-somethings are treated like teenagers. Totally understandable if they can’t afford to move out but no it’s not ok to keep all their money to themselves whilst they see their parents struggling, and running a hotel for them

As he has finished full time education you would be doing him a disservice not to expect him to pay digs. Reducing his disposable income will encourage him to try to earn more, right now he has no motivation to do so.

The amount he pays should be a fixed minimum, say £350-400 to cover rent, utilities, council tax etc. If he only earns £900 (which is part time wages!) he needs to learn to budget and get a second or another job.

I'm usually of the opinion that people should allow their grown up kids at home to live on token minimum rent if they can possibly afford it, provided their kids are using the opportunity to save hard and are appreciative. In this scenario though he should definitely be either paying for food or buying it himself.

My income at around the same age fluctuated month to month so my Mum made the rule 25% of my wage went to her. Always reasonable then and taught me to budget for it.