To ask son to pay for his food?

I have a 17 yr old who works p/t at macdonalds as well as college. He actually volunteered to give me "lodge" when he started work. He earns between £120 and £150 a week and I said 10% was appropriate. As I dont need it I am able to save it for him(he doesnt know I do) but he thinks hes contributing. I think its massively important to teach your older children they need to pay their way. My older children all did except my daughter who is now 32, on 55k a yr and cannot manage her money to save her life. Shes always skint and I put it down to not learning early on. She chose to move to her dads rather than contribute to our household. (Back in the day I was a single parent and could have done with her helping out a bit). So in answer to the question, your son should be giving you something like £200/250 a month towards your household costs, minimum imo.

How about a contribution based on a percentage of his monthly income?

Then you can ride out the fluctuations in his income.
If I left my son to buy all his own food I wouldn't like to say what his diet may look like 😂

I'd say £300 a month would be reasonable then he needs to manage his finances from there. So save when his wage is higher.

You need to charge rent to cover all additional costs he creates...so not for accommodation (you would pay that anyway); but for bills, food etc that increase with his presence. He also needs to pay you council tax 25% as you would have a 25% reduction without his presence 👍. Come up with a figure that covers all expenses he creates. He wants branded food...he can buy his own 🤷

When I was his age my parents did what I'm suggesting. I was fuming!!! as they could afford to pay for me 🙈. I'm now 42 and I totally agree...it was the right thing for them to do 👍. You are struggling...he is an ADULT. And he will never leave if you pay all his expenses. His income wouldn't even cover rent and bills in the North on his own; never mind the south. You are teaching him responsibility by passing living expenses on & he needs to get out there and earn more to pay his way. He will never do that while your subsidising him and will still be at home at 30. Charging him rent is helping you, but more importantly helping him as he will have to go better his working situation if he wants to maintain the same lifestyle 👍. It's time to show him the real world 😉 Tough love mum...you can do it ❤️

No wonder he's still living at home while earning £900 a month. Why are you enabling him to never be independent?
Whatever he earns charge him 50% of it. He has more than enough left over to save something to get his own place and pay his phone, clothes, socialising etc.
On months he earns more than £900, you can put the extra amount into savings for him if you don't need it.

Yes of course you should ask him to pay for his own food

If you don't eat what he eats and he can't eat what you eat it won't be difficult to implement either. You just don't buy the brands he will only eat. Let him know in advance that you're stopping buying them of course.

I think £300 a month is the right amount. Probably £200 of that would go on food so really very tiny contribution.

I paid £25 a week st 16 years old when I esrnt £50 a week..I now at 46 years old own outright my own home and i managed by saving up for years whilst paying minimal rent and paying towards my mums weekly shop. You can do it and no I don't have a fantastic paying job, I went without holidays and going out, and new clothes for years. Your son is 20 he's not a child.

I don't believe you know what you're talking about. My grandson lives with us and pays the equivalent of 50 pounds a week and buys some of his own food. He is happy to do this.

So you are not teaching him life by now charging him.

I'd be honest and say, I can't afford luxuries or treats and life financially is tough so here is the deal. I need £200 a month please to be reviewed in 6 months .

Job done .

£600, his lowest income, is not low. £100 board needs to be charged. He should also contribute to groceries, tell him to go shopping with you, his sensory issues obviously don't stop him doing his own shopping. Tough love ❤️

Stop buying him branded food. He will soon buy his own.

As long as you fund him, he'll never try for a better paying job. Charge him rent and bills inc food.

At the age of 47 my friend recently had to inform her adult son that she was downsizing from their two bedroom rented house, as she could only afford to pay for herself.

Her 25 year old son was horrified that he could no longer live rent and bills free, despite earning more than she does and having savings, whereas she does not.

He was not interested in keeping their home so has now moved in with his girlfriend.

she lives of her parents though buys her food lol and sounds a right tight arse saying that she hardly uses any electric,sounds like a brat tbh and has no problem letting somebody pay for her
she will find it very differrent when mummy and daddy are not paying for her

Ds1 and 2 payed £400 a month. Ds1 would happily pay more but I think ds2 felt a little hard done by at times until he bought his own house last year. His electricity has been hugely more expensive than he expected and he’s had to increase his food budget twice already. Thankfully he hadn’t got used to having his entire wage to himself and I was able to give him something back towards his house. Ds3 (17) is still at school but has had a job for the last 18 months. He is very well paid but funds his own driving and music lessons so isn’t expected to contribute. He knows once he turns 18 he will be paying the same as his brothers.

Absolutely should be taking a reasonable amount of dig money off him, and not to save up to gift to him when he moves out but to pay for his very real expenses. As you are the only other adult in the household you don’t have the luxury of subsidising him, and doing so teaches him nothing of the realities of life. He should be contributing to groceries, heating/fuel and at least 25% of council tax bill - if you lived alone you would immediately save that amount.

The flim flam about sensory issues and particular brands - if he’s going to be chipping into your grocery budget but won’t eat the same food, change it to him buying and cooking own groceries. Still take the council tax and something to the gas/electric though! He will quickly consider downshifting to cheaper brands if paying for them himself. If he’s been in further education until recently you’ve been helping him out for a long time so he does need to become self financing at his age. Is there a reason his earnings are so low? He can’t be working full time hours if this is all he is taking home. It’s unreasonable for a twenty-something young adult with no limitations on him not to be working full time hours and instead carry on living off his parent.

£400 a month is reasonable. You are doing him no good letting him freeload

Early twenties means he's earning at least minimum wage, why is he not working full time? You're enabling him to live a very comfortable existence on a pittance. Imagine the shock he'd get if something happened to you.
Unless there's a huge drip-feed coming, you are doing him a great disservice. If you make him pay his way fully it might encourage him in lots of ways, not just coughing up a few quid to get branded foods.

He should def be giving you money towards food or buying the branded stuff he likes himself, also paying half council tax and half gas/electric/water as a minimum

He could pay you £50 week to cover his food and electric.

It should occur to a 20yo with £1200 in his pocket at the end of a month to contribute to the household pot.

Not at all unreasonable! He should be paying board and his own food if that’s not part of the deal. Tell him how much his food costs and how much yours costs and that he has to pay. It’s easy for people to only want brands when they’re not the one paying. I appreciate he may have sensory issues but at his age that’s really not your problem anymore and you might even find he can tolerate his sensory issues a lot more when he’s paying himself.
Offer him a deal of paying for his board and food or board only and he pays for his own food. When I lived at home I paid board and my parents provided food in with the price but they bought what they wanted and cooked what they wanted so if they were having something I didn’t like or I wanted something in particular I would buy that myself.

For gods sake, why on earth wouldn’t you ask him - a working, wage earning adult - to pay for his own living expenses?
Even if you are determined to put his needs above your own - don’t you think he needs to be gently prepared for standing on his own two feet eventually?

I'm sorry that you're struggling OP- but you are not unreasonable to charge your adult son an appropriate amount to help cover household costs (a completely reasonable expectation of any functioning adult in my opinion).
I would sit down with him, go through the household costs and bills and explain that you now need to charge him £x per month to help cover these