Very taken aback by partner’s comment on “lads holiday”

Him telling you that you're "lucky" rings huge alarm bells for me.

But putting that aside to answer the original question - I think holidays with friends is pretty normal when you're young and single. And even when you get together the chances are that you're still doing that, but you'd start ALSO doing things / going away with your partner. And then you get married and have kids and there will be family holidays and, if time and money permits, there may ALSO be lads/girls trips. But as a family, we'd prioritise a family holiday - not least as otherwise when do the kids get a holiday.

Sounds like he's gearing up for another men-only trip away soon and doesn't want you complaining.

Why do men always seem to go to Eastern Europe for stag dos? But never suggest Eastern Europe for a couples or family holiday?

I go away skiing with my friends every year - vaguely unusual as blokes seem to dominate group ski trips, but that’s not the point. It was born out of the childcare juggle. My DH then started to go with his friends. He now also goes cycling. We have hobbies, we have the money, we have the annual leave. It’s quite normal among my friends… well obviously, as they come too. What these trips are not are an excuse for a pissed up rampage around Europe which appears to be what being suggested here. Sod that.

i am 54 and go on girls holidays about 4 times a year ... maybe 6 last year?

Difference is that my husband hates travelling, we tried it last year together and came home after one night 😂as the bed was just fricking awful, the tv didn't work, his phone had no signal ... we laughed, came home and I went off to an air bnb with my bestie

But that unusual, it unsettles people a LOT when I book a holiday and they say "is hubby going?"

no. because he doesnt want to, he's a loner homeboy. I am not

I am very portable and now I work remotely my work is too, so I am off to my friends for a week with me laptop soon to look after her dog on her work days and have fun on our days off

This. DH and I love our holidays together, the opportunity to share our love of travel and interest in the world, dressing up for a proper meal and some drinks in a bar with a view every night. It’s quality time away from the burden of domesticity, no pinging of washing machines, no ironing piles, no dog walks, [can sometimes offload the kids], just quality time with proper conversation. Making memories.

If your BF doesn’t want to spend time with you like this now, before marriage and kids, then I’d move on and find someone who does.

Dh and I tend to agree @StrawberrySquash , it's very important to be yourself once you are in a LTR. I'll put my hand up and say I really don't enjoy our family holidays. With 3 kids it's just bringing all your daily crap to a new location where you need to worry about sunburn. But dh and kids love it so I tolerate it. Last year was easier as they are getting older. To match DHs lads ski trip, I'm taking myself away for a rural retreat on my own this year. I absolutely can't wait. I go off on my own for a night or two every year, dh understands I need it. I know he needs his ski trip. If I had a girl group available to go I'd do that, I have done a few times. We both consider ourselves very lucky to afford the things that keep us happy.

‘Lads’ holidays aren’t even a thing here! At all. I associate them with a certain demographic tbh.

Dh is lucky to have you, not the other way around. Remind him, often. Men with maturity tend to choose life partners they enjoy spending time with…including holidays.

I really hope you're paying attention, because he's laying the groundwork. He is already trying to manage your expectations.

Well my DH goes skiing with his friends who are male, that to me is a lads holiday. It doesn’t need to be ‘laddish’.

He needs to grow the fuck up at 30. I'd be evaluating my 'relationship' with him if this is what he prioritises over going away with you.

It is perfectly normal for him to have lads holidays and you girls holidays but not to just have lads holidays and none with their girlfriends/partners.

So, my DH goes on a boys golf tour every year. It was 7 days when they were in their 20’s/single/unmarried. As they each got married, it would double as a stag and has reduced to 4 days. It’s been their thing for at least 32 years. The dates changed once they had kids so that they didn’t clash with school holidays/end of term events.

However, other 4 weeks of annual leave are spent on family holidays, ie 2 weeks away with kids (many now teens/uni students), a few weekends away with just their wives, a couple (my DH and a mate) take their kids skiing so non-skiing wives can have a peaceful week without them. None prioritise the ‘Boys Tour’ over family or partner commitments.

I am a fan of having your own things, be they holidays or hobbies, with your friends. It's good to carve out your own time. But a holiday with partner too, please!

I'm thinking of my situation, family, friends, colleagues. I really don't know anyone who mainly goes away with friends if they have a partner. Yes a friends holiday/ weekend away/ night away but actual holidays people seem to do with their partner

MSM?

Sounds like a bellend, his friends sound like idiots!

Wonder what they've been up to for 5 nights in an incredible cultural city (full of cheap sex workers).

That's not normal in my circle, I think that's really weird. I'd actually leave my partner if he kept going abroad with the lads, instead of me.

Feel free to inform him that HE'S the lucky one for actually having a partner he likes enough to want to go away on holiday with.

Sounds like none of his mates actually enjoy spending time with their partners.

I would suggest he is the lucky one to have found a women he wants to go on trips

How long before he starts telling you how lucky you are that he does not cheat on you or beat you up?

I agree. While I don't think it's healthy to live in each others pockets, I would assume that the person you choose to marry is also the person whose company you enjoy the most. I know people who have invited other couples along to go on their honeymoon with them!

Most people we know do both, friend holidays and couple holidays. I do think it's weird if someone doesn't want to go on holidays with their partner, do they not like their partners?!

Once the stag dos are over and the single guys in the group settle down it tends to die down unless they're into some kind of sport they go to see abroad.

I'd rather drink my own piss than endure a group family holiday type thing. I don't especially like several of my friends' partners and wouldn't choose to be in their company for any amount of time. I really enjoy being away with my husband, and I enjoy being away with my friends but it's a very different dynamic and I wouldn't want to try to combine the two! Also would never prioritise going away with friends. I find it quite sad in all honesty that people endure such miserable relationships.

Tell him that he’s lucky to have you.

My Dh and his exW's friendship group was like this. Lads trip and a separate girls trip every year; a lot of the husbands on the lads trip were desperate to get away from their wife and kids for a week. Any holidays as a family were always group holidays with several families going away together. I find it bizarre! Not usual at all in my my family and friendship circles, but it is clearly seen as normal for some people.

DH has stopped going on those trips now, although he does have the occasional golf weekend in the UK. I would be pissed off if he chose to go away with his mates over a family holiday. I've noticed that his exW has given up the girls holidays too in favour of a yearly holiday with her partner and child.