Keeping pension quiet?

I wouldn't blame you at all if you keep it a secret. But please make sure it's all paperless as he could find out if things come through the post.Given what you said in your post.

It's not something I would do, but I'm not in your position, was the larger earner, get a bigger pension and I manage all our joint finances, which means I am quite secure.

But it has to be said that if it was your DH doing this and you came on here complaining and asking for advice, the vast majority of Mumsnetters would be screaming LTB (leave the Bastard)

You need to do what you need to do for you though. You'll get mixed replies on here.

So what your poster should have put inside the quote marks is “DH will likely see the extra income as a reason to play golf/go on holiday/not worry about the future.” I don’t really think @Justkeeepswimming has been disingenuous with what they have said the OP is concerned about or changed the meaning materially. By all means have an issue with the punctuation, but the point is valid!!!

I like how you’ve used quote marks to suggest you’re quoting OP and then made up your own words to go inside them 😂

Hi OP. Ordinarily I'd feel a bit uneasy about hiding assets from your spouse. But I don't really blame you here as you fear the money will be squandered. I worry here that some posters feel that hiding assets is ok for them, even or especially, as one poster outlined, in divorce. I don't think we would deem that acceptable for a man here.

I would suggest that you have a proper conversation with your husband, and, ideally, a decent financial adviser (pensions and their income/death benefit rules can be complex) to map out your retirement as a married couple; what your expectations are lifestyle-wise, and how your various pensions and savings will meet these objectives.

Once you are talking seriously and start to have a plan mapped out, you can reveal your secret pension.

I would suggest that if you don't feel that this kind of planning can happen, your relationship is not in a good place, and what to do with PCLS is not your main concern here.

I'm just saying this pension may not have 25 years of contributions, which a poster assumed.

To be clear, I was repondong to the below from Peaceandcakes, which is about OP's pension, not the mortgage.

How had you forgotten about a pension that you paid into for 25 years?

Just make it easier and get divorced - you don't sound very compatible or that you even like him much.

hypothetically

Op come here and state my dp has died and im up the creek without a paddle financially as he spent spent spent and now I don't have any choices but to down size and I don't want to - I did have a private pension but he spent the lump sum and the pension was spent every month

the answer would be - why didn't you put that aside for you, why not have your own nest egg. Why did you let him spend all your money?

Why weren't you sensible

What that got to do with it? It predated the marriage, just like the house.

But that doesn't necessarily mean she was inputting into this particular pension for 25 years.

OP, sounds as if the marriage isn't working out as planned and I don't blame you for wanting to keep some of your finances separate. Not at all immoral or sneaky to look after your own future if he's not someone who can be trusted to be financially responsible.

What did he bring to the marriage in financial terms? Would it be easier to get rid of him now rather than later?

You earned it pre marriage so you keep it

Tax. The lump sum’s tax free, it’s subject to tax as income. Tuck it away and don’t mention it @Seperateaccount. You’ve saved him an absolute fortune by living in what’s essentially your house all these years.

So this pension is from before you met when you worked hard etc. but then you met, he took you away with his work and you enjoyed a good life? On the credit card front, is it AMEX? Probably for the rewards as it's like cashback.

I'd say tell him though. It seems he isn't an abuser and he's supported you a fair whack.

It would depend on whether that man had a partner who was crap with money, spent up to the limit, expected his money to be spent on things she wanted, didn’t think about the future and was only OK with his partner spending money if it was on a credit card. This is the reality for the OP. Would you want to admit to a pension pot and extra income to someone like this ?

And you just sit back and let him spend all of your joint income?

You are entitled to your own money and if you want to keep this as a nest egg then go right ahead.

Do be aware though that the building society or bank may send you mail. Atom bank don't send me any paper mail, none whatsoever ever

If you feel that your dp will want to spend for the sake of it and you don't want to - then keep it to yourself and put the money away, then add the monthly amounts directly too the account. An isa will be tax free savings and therefore save you the bother of sorting tax with HMRC, again a way of keeping things simple.

Id hate to have money given to me for something id achieved on my own and have someone wanting to spend spend spend

How would you feel roles reversed OP?

"Oh she'd just see it as more money to do X, Y, Z so I'm going to keep it hidden as a nice little golf fund"

You'd be a bit hurt I bet.

She clearly said she had a 25 year mortgage on her own and paid off 20 years of it before meeting and marrying DH. So she had five years left when that happened, which they’ve now paid off.

• to make that clear - don’t rely on DH always providing.

You could split and off he goes with his income.

If a private pension is set up for you in your name and only you have access he can’t take that - get it done asap. And if you are missing pension contributions for state pension get him to top them up now!!

@Seperateaccount please sign into government gateway and check your pension contributions to ensure your state pension is ok… if you have missed paying in for the last 25 years you might need to top it up.

Don’t rely on DH. Make sure he pays into a private pension for you if you having been working due to him/he is the only breadwinner. He should have been doing that all along if you weren’t working.

We don't know that OP paid into it for 25 years. It could just be 10 years or whatever.

@NeedToChangeName

Certain facts here are gearing people to advise the OP this way.

1. He has not contributed to the cost of the marital home
2. He has insisted on his work abroad taking precedence which may have impeded the OP from working
3. He may not have paid into a private pension for the OP, nor her NI meaning she may have only a partial state pension and this small pension
4. He does not save for the future and sounds irresponsible financially
5. Also he’s controlling - ‘he would spend the money on golf if he knew about it’…. It’s her money, why should she have to hand it over?!

In short he sounds financially abusive.

If he were decent people wouldn’t be advising her to hide it to protect herself.

I'd stash it away and keep it quiet without a second thought. He's more lax with money than you, you want to ring fence it for retirement. If the two of you were struggling financially now it would be different. You're not. Save it. Say nothing. You'll both benefit down the line.

25 year mortgage. OP paid 20 of those years before meeting him, then they paid off the rest a few years later. So OP has paid the bulk of it. I suspect the house/mortage was in her name only and possibly still is ? She worked regularly for 20 years, and sporadically for the last few.