Keeping pension quiet?

Well you can but it doesn't say much about the state of your marriage that you're considering it. Plus, if you did split up it's likely he'd find out anyway. Could you tell him about it and tell him that you're hoping to put it in a hard to access savings account until you (both) really need it?

Why can't you just put it in a separate savings account and tell him about it? Make it clear that it's not an income, it's a retirement fund and while he is free to see the statements he won't have access to it unless it's through you?

Haven't you spoken about what happens when you both retire with regards to finances, surely this pension payout is part of your future plans? As his will be, and wouldn't just be used as a unrestricted revenue stream?

@Seperateaccount

I see nothing wrong with you keeping this money in a 'secret' account. After all, it sounds to me as if it's more to keep him from squandering it, so it's more of a rainy day fund than a 'fuck off fund'.

Although a FOF isn't always a bad idea, either. And it's not just women who might need one.

Couldn't disagree more.

IF all things were equal and DH was financially responsible, then yes. Given that the OP says her husband is happy to spend their monthly income to the max giving no thought to the future, and that she strongly suspects he'd spend any additional pension income at this time, then no. It isn't any of the above things, it's prudent and sensible and has an eye to a more secure retirement.

It's the OP's financial good sense that means her DH is now benefitting from a mortgage free home after only five years together. I think she's best keeping their powder dry.

I'm pretty sure my DH has savings/assets etc he's not told me about. I'm a spender - life's too short not to be IMO. But, I'm actually glad that DH keeps some if his worth hidden away. I know he'd pull me out of a hole using it if I needed him to (in fact, he has stepped in a fair few times and paid for large purchases I'd planned to put on credit). So I don't mind - and I know it's better I don't know he has £x because I'd immediately start planning what we could do with it.

Sounds like you and your DH are similar but opposite to us and asking as you'd use the cash for his/both your benefit if it was needed, I think he might be ok with you keeping quiet right now.

In a heartbeat I would keep it to myself in your position

Ps @Swoopy

I’m actually very concerned for OP that she may have got herself into the position of having

• reduced state pension
• no private pension for 25yrs
• handed over rights to 1/2 her house
• no access to see or obtain money bar on a credit card

it’s massively dodgy

@HussellRobbs

"In reality, we each kept our own savings accounts and pensions and put whatever figures we wanted to on the form."

That would work if you agreed to that between you (misleading the court obviously being a different matter...). But in a scenario in which people don't agree, perhaps because one has assets in their name which substantially outweigh what the other has, I'd expect difficulties in reaching such an agreement.

So many people just do NOT understand that when you are married to a man like this, no amount of "serious discussions" is ever going to work and 40 years of trying to and ending up in rows has made me hate the bastard. He won't leave, and I'm not leaving the home that I have put my heart and soul into with, choosing and paying for all the decor, maintenance and upkeep. Stalemate.

Keep your money quiet, just make damn sure he doesn't find out. I will be doing similar. If he knew I had it, he would need it. No fucking way.

I mean if you are clever about it you take the money out gradually and keep in cash or ideally have a relative open an ISA or savings for you in their name or buy something that will increase in value or… any number of other routes to squirrel away money…

Of course the best one is to ring fence in the first place and have legal agreements drawn up prior to or while in the marriage before things sour.

My partner and I contribute to a household fund. We both have our own highly transparent savings and pensions. If my partner came into some money I would be delighted, but it wouldn’t affect our financial arrangement, and there would be no need to keep it secret.

It's a pension you paid into before you met him. So i don't really see an issue with your plan.
And if he'd spend it all on golf or whatever it is then keeping it as a rainy day fund seems all the more important.

Is it a huge amount? I'd bung up to 20k or 50k into Premium Bonds ir an ISA as a rainy day fund and put the rest into joint accounts or a new car/roof/double glazing but I'd be honest about the slush fund. If uts income I'd just add it to the joint account tbh. I'm in the same position as you and we live in a house I had almost paid for before we met. My dh is much more of a spender than me but he also respects my need to have a slush fund. In fact he probably has no idea how much we have or he'd spend the lot.

Yes, generally speaking we on MN are very much in favour of having private secret bank accounts. Women, I mean. Obviously not men. That would obviously be grounds for immediate LTB.

@Swoopy

Original quote which I was too lazy to scroll and copy

DH will likely see the extra income as a reason to play golf/go on holiday/not worry about the future.

Which is the same as what I said… in my lazy way!

Posts like this put me off getting divorced.

In reality, we each kept our own savings accounts and pensions and put whatever figures we wanted to on the form.

While it seems odd to not let him know about the pension, I can understand your reluctance as you are poles apart when it comes to money.
I'd keep quiet and stash it somewhere safe - if he ever does find out about it as pp have suggested- just say you were saving it for a surprise.
Or just bluntly say we have enough to get by each month and you were not going to waste it by spending your joint income to the max just because you can!! Whose to say you couldn't do a bucket list dream in a few years from these funds?!

He may just get into debt with the expectation that OP will bail him out.

The "secret running away fund" is a commonly discussed topic on Mumsnet. I always wonder how many MNers know that if you're married and get divorced, you have to disclose all financial assets on your Form E, and your "secret fund" is one of these. It's a joint marital asset and just forms part of the pot for division according to need on divorce. Unless you're rich enough to have more than enough to house you both according to your needs, the secret fund will not remain "yours".

Obviously that's different if you're not married; in that case your savings remain your own.

To those inclined to not disclose the existence of such a fund, assuming it's in a bank account you've paid into in the past 12 months, Form E requires disclosure of the past 12 months' bank statements. So outgoing transfers would be evident and the question would be asked: what is this fund you're paying into?

So if you want to have a secret fund and not disclose it in the event of divorce, you'd have to be making cash deposits and be very certain your spouse had no way of finding out about it, because non-disclosure is contempt of court and likely to screw you badly if discovered in a divorce scenario.

Why not be honest about getting it but tell him what you’re going to do with it. That’s what I did with my husband-he knows it’s earmarked for my children.

If she’s brought it into the marriage, but they’ve lived in it as a family home and he’s made some contributions then it becomes a community property. He is savvier than he lets on. What’s OPs is his, what’s his is his. She should keep the pension

My worry as well around telling him- even if you go I’ll tell him, but keep the money for myself, would be that given his attitude to credit would be that if he doesn’t have direct access to the money he would spend on the credit card forcing OPs hand in paying the card off.

Normally I would say be honest with your partner but as you paint him as a selfish bastard I would, in this instance, say it's ok for you to be selfish too.

I guess the husband would get 50% of the house if they were to divorce, despite her paying the mortgage on it for 20 years before even being married, as they then paid the mortgage for the remaining 5 years.
No mention of the husband having a house ?

Yep. I would hang on to it . I have a nice little NHS pension from years ago that I use for my fun money . Husband has an extremely expensive hobby that half his pension goes on and he is not particularly careful with money. Buggered if my extra pension is going to fund his hobby!