Keeping pension quiet?

The wider Internet has Godwin's Law, which says that any online discussion will eventually result in people calling each other Nazis.

On here, the equivalent is that any question that involves the OP's husband, even if it's "We won the Euromillions and he's found a gorgeous house to buy, but I don't like the shape of the swimming pool, AIBU?" will eventually end in advice to LTB.

As it is, you seem to have come to the most sensible conclusion, which is that while DH's tendency to spend money is somewhat annoying for you, keeping the pension secret could have become a genuine trust issue. Enjoy whatever you decide to do with the money. 🥂

Thereby giving him half of a marital property he hasn’t contributed to. Wow. OP has already said they’re hitting pension age so well over 55. No chance of building up pension savings if her DH spends everything he can get his hands on. Her recent update says that she’s told him about this and his first thought was a new car and a holiday in Australia !! Trying to work out a retirement plan with Peter Pan is a non-starter.

If that OP was honest and said she believed money was to spend, that saving for a rainy day/retirement was stupid, and that she would use that money as something to spend away on a holiday, a sports car, or some other frivolous thing OR that her DH should use it to pay off the credit debt she intended to run up, then I imagine that MN would tell her she was unreasonable and no wonder her DH wanted to keep the money separate.

The OP of this thread appears to want to keep that money 'safe' from being squandered or used to pay off frivolous debt rather than to use it as a fuck off fund. Her DH apparently gives no thought to her/their financial future so why should she lose what she has earned because he's a financial imbecile? It's up to her to safeguard herself, and by extension, him.

My own DH was financially feckless during our early years and I was raised to be 'fiscally conservative'. But soon a mortgage, a baby, and then a redundancy (his) convinced him to change his ways, thank God! And in our retirement years, we're financially secure due to financial 'cooperation and compromise'. He's still a bit more of a spendthrift than I would like, but at least he budgets and gives consideration to our overall finances beforehand and would never make a large purchase without discussing it. And I suppose I've 'loosened up' at bit and don't chafe at every penny that goes out the house.

Recycling tax free cash or income (abrdn.com)
Unless you increase your normal contributions this shouldn't be an issue.

A) you must be over 55 to even be considering drawing this, so what are both your general retirement plans then?
B) you can't keep building up pension savings, in most cases, once you have accessed the pension, this is law to stop people recycling pension funds and getting double tax relief on the same money.

I'm not sure I'd want to be with someone I felt I had to hide my finances from. I'd be trying to work out a retirement plan together, and bring it into that. If you can't agree, it's time to go separate ways I think.

The short answer to this is that for the roles to be truly reversed he would have to be as financially responsible as the OP and she would have to have benefited from him paying 20 years off a 25 year mortgage before they got together. But he’s not and she didn’t, so it’s not the same thing at all.

Then say No.
Honestly if he's that useless and manipulative and running up debts then divorce is a serious option. You don't come up with scenarios to justify lying to your husband to excuse your own deception. His fecklessness isn't an excuse - it needs sorting. As they are married its all joint whether she likes it or not.

How would you feel if he did this to you? If you’d be ok with it then go ahead, if you wouldn’t then there lies your answer.

So another who clearly hasn’t read or understood what’s being said here. Her DH is irresponsible with money. Spends it. Runs up credit despite being close to retirement. Why would you risk him taking and spending your pension lump sum and expecting you to absorb the extra income into things he wants to do ?

That’s fine if you’re both financially responsible. It feels like some posters are deliberately overlooking the fact that her DH is utterly irresponsible with money. Why would you trust someone who is still running up credit so close to retirement age with a lump sum and pension income you’ve worked for yourself ?

Van you imagine if the OP was posting saying she found out her OH had a secret pension fund that she didnt know about.

More classic mumsnet

Hmmm I can see both perspectives to this!
If the shoe was on the other foot there would be the outcry of financial abuse of not sharing wealth (mn also loves that inheritance is "family" money). But as you say he's feckless with money!

Personally I would say you had a small pension pot you didn't realise about your going to put it to savings in case of emergency as its not enough to live on and have it in your name (none of the above is a lie).

My DH and I have separate savings accounts it gives us better returns for starters!

Why are you blaming the OP for her DH’s financial recklessness ? If he’s got to pre retirement age and is still likely to appropriate the lump sum to spend on himself and then absorb the pension income why shouldn’t she keep quiet ?

and what happens when she puts it in an account in her name and tells him he can’t access it be he racks up a £10k credit card bill and then says “they” need to clear it?

theres clearly something amis in the relationship if now you want to start keeping secrets?

I know i'd be furious if my other half squirrelled away secret dosh!

how would you feel if, when he retires from his highly paid job, he keeps all the money for himself?

my husband and i have separate finances, but when it comes to pensions and lump sums, we pool everything.. but then we have a good solid relatiion ship and don't expect that the change any time soon.

If she was able to have a reasonable conversation with him about joint money she wouldn’t be considering hiding it from him. If he’s financially feckless, what’s the point ? He’s unlikely to stick to anything agreed anyway if he’s as selfish as OP makes out. The fact that he’s got so close to retirement age without planning and still happy to run up credit is a massive red flag.

I would be delighted if my partner did this. A degree of financial independence is good.

I'd be furious if my DH did that. Seriously that level of lying would make me consider what else he was hiding from me.

If you think he's feckless, then put it in your name, and tell him. Tell him why and discuss it like a grownup.

Well, start by having a conversation about it, as generally couple should do about joint issues, shouldn't they? Then, from there, make a decision how to proceed.

How would you feel if you found out that he had stashed a tidy sum away in a secret account and kept well schtum about it ?. If you are genuine OK with that then go ahead but remember, the truth will out in the end, it always does.

keep it to yourself op, keep it quiet, put it in a personal account solely for you and leave it there as a nest egg. that money represents freedom for you regardless of what your dh decides to do.

I don't disagree about the final disclosure but I think most people see the fund as immediate action. You can't leave a home if you can't pay rent and deposit on a new place. I think running away funds are for immediate spending. Not huge savings designed to keep someone afloat for years.
If you aren't safe and you need to leave, you spend your fund and worry about financial agreements later.
It's totally valid for both parties to have an emergency fund. Women are just statistically more at risk.

Ìd keep it to myself as an emergency fund but saying that if you divorced he'd be entitled to quite a lot of the house that you paid for and your pension.
So make sure you stay married.

Exactly how is she going to stop him???