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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Keeping pension quiet?

331 replies

Seperateaccount · 24/03/2024 21:24

DH and I are hitting pension age. We've been together 25 years, married for nearly 20 years and I've worked sporadically during that time. DH's job takes him abroad and I follow. I'd also paid 20 years of the 25 year mortgage on my own, before we paid it off a few years ago.

I've just become aware of a pension that I'm entitled to from my working days before I even met DH, something I'd completely forgotten about. It's not enough to live on every month but the 25% tax free amount would give me a nice nest egg and I can continue to build it with the pension .

DH will likely see the extra income as a reason to play golf/go on holiday/not worry about the future.

AIBU to set up bank accounts DH doesn't know about? I'm well aware that he's paid more in terms of day to day expenses over the last few years but I also know that I worked bloody hard for years (before we met), to pay for the majority of our house.

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 24/03/2024 21:45

I might get slated here but I would definitely keep that news to myself. I would call it my running away fund.

Seperateaccount · 24/03/2024 21:42

redalex261 · 24/03/2024 21:36

How did you pay 20 years of the 25 year mortgage on your own if you only worked sporadically?

Is he a mad spendthrift or a financial abuser?
Would you be OK if the boot was on the other foot?
I’m pretty sure if you were posting this the other way round everyone on this site would be shouting LTB. Anyway, if you decide to hide it make sure you don’t get found out.

Because I worked for 25 years before we met. Worked sporadically since we met. I have no idea what LTB is, but thanks for your input.

OP posts:
Swoopy · 24/03/2024 21:38

Why would you do this?

Seperateaccount · 24/03/2024 21:38

GinForBreakfast · 24/03/2024 21:26

Is there a reason why you can't be honest. Is he financially controlling or do you have different attitudes towards finances? How would you feel if he did the same?

I can buy whatever I want as long as I use a credit card! He's happy to spend our income every month with no thought to the future. I prefer to stick to a budget and save a little for emergencies. I just know that as soon as I add £x per month, he'll spend it!

OP posts:
redalex261 · 24/03/2024 21:36

How did you pay 20 years of the 25 year mortgage on your own if you only worked sporadically?

Is he a mad spendthrift or a financial abuser?
Would you be OK if the boot was on the other foot?
I’m pretty sure if you were posting this the other way round everyone on this site would be shouting LTB. Anyway, if you decide to hide it make sure you don’t get found out.

GinForBreakfast · 24/03/2024 21:26

Is there a reason why you can't be honest. Is he financially controlling or do you have different attitudes towards finances? How would you feel if he did the same?