Keeping pension quiet?

It would be totally unacceptable to me that my husband fritter away my pension, so I wouldn’t tell him. But HOW did you manage twenty years together with such a different attitude to money? I’d have gone insane and left him. Dh isn’t wonderful with budgets, so he goes along with me on our financial plans. If he just kept spending and ignoring me talking about long term savings plans there is no way we’d be together still.

If you’ve no intention to spend the lump sum then why draw it down?
I think I would take the higher monthly amount then the issues go away.

Lock it away into a premium bonds or fixed term notice account so it's not easily accessible. Before you do, clear any debts in your name and get rid of your credit card. You using the credit card let's him waste money so all your expenses should come out of the household income.

Going forward open a joint household account. All household bills including your daily expenses should come out of this account. Both of you need to do a budget and save a portion each month from the joint income.

I can see why this would be very helpful for many women (and men too) but I have to say if I found out my MIL said this to my DH when we married and I’d never been told about the secret pot of money I’d be so gutted and it’d prob ruin our relationship - I mean my marriage and my relationship with my MiL. But we have transparency about our assets.

If you were splitting up and concealed this, that would be wrong and immoral.
But if you're essentially ring fencing the money for a mutually more secure future then I think that's sensible if he's the type to burn through money.

the cash is for retirement anyway

if hes so irresponsible with money I’d just keep quiet and build up a nest egg for retirement. If he was less of an idiot with money honesty would be the best policy.

I don’t know. Feels bad you’ve not worked and now you’ve got some income you’re going to hide it. You need to reign in your DH’s spending. A pension lump sum is to see you through your retirement. Yes some people might choose to blow it on a big cruise etc but you need to be realistic and you could live until 90 odd. I’d declare I had it, but say it’s going into x savings account where it can’t be touched for 2yrs (interest rate is good right now) and then you will review. Just feels wrong to me he’s been the one bringing in the income all these years now you’re going to keep this to yourself (regardless of who owns the house, given you’ve not worked most of your married life that will have evened up)

Have you had entirely separate finances all the time you have been together? or has he used his money to support you?
when you were paying the last 5 years of your mortgage what was his money doing?
Just to say when i pointed out that my male dp had hidden assets from me the opinion was unanimous

Aside from this pension do you have enough to manage during retirement? Has he got a good pension? Have you got any other pension?

(If you don’t withdraw a lump sum the 25% tax free applies to regular draw down. It isn’t just lump sums that are tax free. If you take a tax free lump sum the rest of your pension is taxable / counts as taxable income.)

Yep I would keep quiet about it. He's lax with money by the sounds of it. Some people can still be lovely but be shit with money. Protect yourself.

OP who's name is on the credit card and it's repayments?

Is this the 1950s???

Given what you've said about your DH spendy ways, I'd keep it to myself.

Especially if you think there's a chance of divorcing down the line, given your DH's spendy ways.

I'd absolutely do what @caringcarer suggests.

If you’ve only worked sporadically since marrying has your husband financially supported you? If he has then you are beyond unreasonable.

The only reason I claim you act unreasonably is because, although you have worked very hard for extra money is because you haven't declared this to your husband and he has a right to know about it as it's your responsibility as this is is your spouse and you. have a duty to It with him.

And what? I didn't say she should give him access to it. Lying about it or giving it to him aren't her only options.

So, like I said, why can't she tell him she's keeping it for herself?

She worked for 20 years on her own paying a mortgage.

Then she met and married the man.

Then she worked sporadically, while they both paid the remaining 5 years on the mortgage.

God, it's not hard to understand!!!

Read the thread! She's told you why!

.The OP says her husband is a spendthrift and is useless with money and will fritter it all away.

I would also keep it quiet.

It's not like you'll be on the breadline or in poverty anyway.

Keep it in a private account for a "rainy day'.

Have you previously shared finances or kept money separate? If you keep them separate then it’s fine not to share, if you’ve shared them it’s not. You should be able to tell him though, the fact that you’re thinking of keeping it a secret snd how you talk about him says you don’t trust him and I’d question the point of being together. Your life though.

I could not keep it a secret and would be furious if my husband did that.

Why do you feel like you have to be sneaky and hide money from your DH? Are you worried that if you tell him you're keeping this money to yourself, he'll do the same with his pension?

Keep it to yourself, it can be a running away fund later if you ever need it.

I've got a secret fuck off fund. DH and I managed quite comfortably but I've always had this money my Dad gave me from well before we even met. I've never spent it and I can remember my Dad telling me before I got married for the first time keep it safe, don't tell your DH you have it, just in case of emergencies. Dad said he wouldn't always be around. I gave this money to my sister for safe keeping about a year before I went through my first divorce and she gave it back plus interest after I was divorced. I put it back into a savings bond account. I've never mentioned it to my DH. I paid half our mortgage and half all bills all through our marriage so I still have it and don't regret keeping it quiet. Only my sister knows about it. She has a secret fuck off fund too. I also gave my DD some money after she married and told her to keep it for absolute emergencies and not to mention it to her DH. I'd say put it into a 5 year savings bond account in your name but whatever you do go paperless because you don't want statements arriving in the post. If you ever divorce you'll have to withdraw it about a year before you go for a divorce and get someone you trust to look after it for you because you'll have to declare any bank accounts you have or have had over last year.