Keeping pension quiet?

Definitely agree with the importance of having some independent money. I’ve got my own savings from before my marriage and so does my DH have investments but they’re not a secret. I can totally understand why some need to keep them a secret though in abusive marriages.

yes i am thinking the same as @Pheasantsmate
bit of a situation as regards your house

I think your DP is a bit more savvy than he lets on. By the sounds of it he has an equal stake in a home that you paid 20 years worth of the contributions on? Is that right? I’d be wrapping up everything else so bloody tight it would be impossible for him to get his paws on it.

@Seperateaccount YANBU in doing this.

I'm in exactly the same situation as you and have done precisely this very same thing.

Open an online account with the highest interest payable - draw down your 25% tax free sum and pay that in and, yes, pay in your pension also when that comes along. Or into premium bonds/mix of the two?

I see absolutely nothing wrong with this whatsoever.

Financial autonomy in my circumstances has brought me so much peace of mind.

Why do the 25% draw down if you are just going to bung it into savings? I’d take the higher pension amount and then channel that into savings. You take the lump sum if you need it because you are losing access to a company car- or need to pay off a mortgage. There is no need in your case.

Keep it to yourself, since he's shit with money and entitled.

I would keep it hidden without a seconds thought. It will give you peace of mind.

I completely agree. This is the sort of thing people end marriages over. Why bring a secret like this into your life if you can avoid it?

Not sure why people are assuming the options are to keep the money secret or give it to the husband to spend. Why not just say “darling, I’ve just looked at an old pension of mine and it turns out it’s worth X- isn’t that great? I’m going to keep it invested for now as rainy day money.” It’s her pension- he can’t touch it.

If I found my DH had done this and not told me, I would genuinely reconsider our relationship. It's really underhand.

If he is paying most of your living expenses currently I would keep it quiet. If he were to die first you need to be able to financially support yourself- you can’t do that if he’s spent your safety net on golf and holidays

@caringcarer thank you, I missed that. I still wouldn't do it, but I can see why OP is tempted.

OP, why don't you do it but tell your husband that you're putting it away for rainy day savings. Non negotiable.

If OP worked for 20 years and has this pension she's only wanting to drawdown 25 percent of it. The rest she'll have for retirement to add to her state retirement.

@Jo58 it did weigh heavy at times. When my first DH was made redundant I thought I'd have to say something, but then he got another job quickly so it was fine. I've always paid half of our mortgage and all bills so it's not like I was living off my exh. Also my exh was a spender and Dad knew that and worried about it and I'm a saver. My DH now is not bad with money at all but as Dad had given it to me and had since died I just kept it quiet but gave my own DD some of it for her fuck off fund. I think every woman should have one. We see every week on MN marriages break down and women have no where they can go and no money for a deposit on a rental and a few months rent and food money and some stay trapped in dreadfully abusive marriages because they have nowhere they can take their DC and escape. Dad never wanted me in that position and I didn't want my DD in that position.

So what are the plans for retirement? You live off state pensions and his pension? While you stash yours away? If that's the case then it's very unreasonable.

DH and I have separate finances (we both contribute to all expenses) but I'd never do something as sneaky as this.

Are you in huge debt as a couple?
Is the credit card( mainly) paid off every month.
You say he's a spender not a saver but as long as you're not in huge debt and you both have pensions is it a difference of outlook rather than being financially precarious?
I get that your house was pretty much paid off before you married and you havent been able to work much since marriage as you followed your DH round for his work. However that is a decision you made 25 years ago when you married.
I don't think I could hide this from my DH unless I was really worried about our future both financially and as a couple.
However you are within your rights to say ive just got x from an old pension. I'm putting it into x ( untouchable) savings fund for our future retirement .

Would you be angry if he did the same to you?

You need to have a proper conversation with him about finances and planning for retirement rather than squirrelling away secret pension pots because you can't communicate and agree things properly.

I can see why you want to. I'd probably have it in my own account but tell him it was there. I'd make it clear it was for your future security and not for day to day expenditure. Or if you think he won't react well don't tell him but you'd want to make sure letters don't come through the post about it if you think he'll notice!

I think it would be okay to say I have a pension. I want to put the money away whilst I think about what to d with it and it is not for general use. It then goes out to a high interest savings account or ISA. Not being honest about finances is in my view not acceptable and I would be shocked and angry if DH deliberately hid this from me.

I think regardless of who paid what, everyone should have a pot of money only they have access to. I'd be saying the same thing to your dh too.

I think there's nothing wrong with doing that.

Feels bad you’ve not worked and now you’ve got some income you’re going to hide it.

But as I read the OP she was unable to work because his work took them all over the world and she was the ‘trailing wife’.

OP: what sort of pension is it? A private or defined contribution pension, or a public sector / teaching type defined benefit pension?

Yeah but if he isn't able to control himself or chooses not to then either you have to leave him or live with no savings. Or the third option, save privately. Hardly a no brainer

Tell him about it. Say that you're not planning to spend it. You want to save it and give a justifiable reason - 'we dont know what our health will be like in the future, i want to make sure we would be able to afford....'Then put it in your own bank account not a joint account. If he takes issue with this then I think it might be a wake up call that he is controlling with money.

I'd keep quiet. You never know what will happen at any point so it'd be good to have some money put by.

And especially keep it quiet if he's going to piss it into the wind.