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AIBU?

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Who's wrong dd or dh?

220 replies

Autienotnaughtie · 24/03/2024 08:20

We are going out for a meal today, me, dh, fil, mil and our 3 dc (one of whom is a adult)

Pil are coming to our town so we are organising, I tend to leave dh to make arrangements when it's stuff for his parents as otherwise I end up doing all organising.

Dh is a very last minute person, I use to end up stepping in if I thought something might not happen if I didn't. Now I just leave him to it.

On Friday adult dd asked dh if he had chosen/booked where we are eating. He hadn't. She wanted to know as she is following a healthy lifestyle/exercise plan and likes to plan her meals/macros/exercise accordingly. She has lost a lot of weight, is looking and feeling great and we are trying to support her in this.

She asked if he could choose so she could plan her meal. He said he wanted to ring his parents first. A bit later she asked if he had chance to ring his parents he said no. When I got in from work (about 10pm) she said in front of dh she had asked and he hadn't done it. Dh snapped at her and said he would ring tomorrow and would text her.

I spoke to her later and she was upset he had snapped and couldn't see what she had done wrong.

I spoke to dh (on Saturday after dd had left) and he said she shouldn't have to plan her meals in advance and we shouldn't be encouraging it. I replied it's nothing to do with us and we should be supportive of her trying to be healthier. He replied he shouldn't have to do things on others terms. I said I can't understand why he would deliberately put someone else out just to get his own way. He got annoyed.

Who was unreasonable dh or dd?

OP posts:
FictionalCharacter · 24/03/2024 09:05

I can't believe he left it to the last minute to book a table for 7. Just why? The best places and the biggest tables get booked up well in advance.

toomanyy · 24/03/2024 09:01

justasking111 · 24/03/2024 08:57

Where I live for seven people at the weekend you have to book early or be in and out at weird times. I'd have booked last Monday.

Poor @Autienotnaughtie stuck in the middle. If they end up at home DH DD should Cook

Edited

Bit sexist. Why should DD cook? DH should cook, he’s the one who would have messed up.

pictoosh · 24/03/2024 09:00

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 24/03/2024 08:42

It's really not that big a deal to spend a few minutes looking at a menu, and choose something aligned with your weight loss diet.

DD could have easily done this, at the restaurant, alongside everyone else reading the menu and choosing their food. Absolutely no need at all to have it all in advance.

It wouldn't have killed DH to move a little faster on this, but actually this is DD being precious.

Not necessarily.

I like to know what's coming up myself. If we're eating out it depends on the type of food we're going for. Most places will have a choice of dishes I will opt for but there are other variables...I might decide to blow out if it's food I really like. I will begin to plan my meals and runs (in my head) accordingly. It's no big deal...it's just habit now.
It's called striking a healthy balance. It's not always possible to know in advance and I don't panic if I don't.
In this instance dd has done nothing wrong - she asked and took her dad at his word. He snapped because he is bad tempered and selfish. He deflected fault back on to her because he snapped.
Would see her efforts maligned before taking accountability.
Arsehole.

Emma543 · 24/03/2024 08:59

skippy67 · 24/03/2024 08:55

I agree with this. If your dd is that rigid in her food choices, maybe she should sit this one out.

How is it being rigid wanting to know where they are going so she can plan?
being rigid is saying I’m not coming as I’m on a diet

Autienotnaughtie · 24/03/2024 08:58

justasking111 · 24/03/2024 08:57

Where I live for seven people at the weekend you have to book early or be in and out at weird times. I'd have booked last Monday.

Poor @Autienotnaughtie stuck in the middle. If they end up at home DH DD should Cook

Edited

I agree so would I!

OP posts:
Autienotnaughtie · 24/03/2024 08:58

Yes he did book . I'm not sure if he got his first choice tho! But he wouldn't admit it even if that was the case.

I think dd wanted to have a nice meal but wanted to know in advance how to manage this.

OP posts:
justasking111 · 24/03/2024 08:57

Where I live for seven people at the weekend you have to book early or be in and out at weird times. I'd have booked last Monday.

Poor @Autienotnaughtie stuck in the middle. If they end up at home DH DD should Cook

Lampslights · 24/03/2024 08:56

skippy67 · 24/03/2024 08:55

I agree with this. If your dd is that rigid in her food choices, maybe she should sit this one out.

This is just terrible . You think she should miss out rather than her parents do something small to support her in her weight loss journey?

skippy67 · 24/03/2024 08:55

Mummame2222 · 24/03/2024 08:32

this is all so petty!! DH is lazy. DD can’t exactly expect everyone else to enable her mindset. She could know on the day where she’s eating and plan for it, she doesn’t need to know days in advance.

I agree with this. If your dd is that rigid in her food choices, maybe she should sit this one out.

Autienotnaughtie · 24/03/2024 08:54

JMSA · 24/03/2024 08:34

Personally I would probably host a lunch if people were making the journey to my hometown.
But you're not, and I don't understand why making a restaurant reservation is such hard work Confused

I agree!

OP posts:
splatmouse · 24/03/2024 08:53

I think it's ironic that DH claimed that DD can't expect everyone to do things on her terms (plan ahead) while he's forcing everyone to abide by his (being spontaneous).

Autienotnaughtie · 24/03/2024 08:53

Saymyname28 · 24/03/2024 08:32

I don't think she's wrong to want to plan her meals. I always do that, I believe in my case its part of OCD. I think your DH is being shitty by being disorganised and leaving everyone waiting to know what they're doing till the very last minute.

Did he get round to booking anything yesterday?

Yes he did it yesterday afternoon

OP posts:
Lampslights · 24/03/2024 08:52

IsGoodIsDon · 24/03/2024 08:48

DH was being u reasonable.
I don’t think DD is being obsessive at all. Very popular and mainstream weight loss programs like slimming world and WW can let you save up syns etc to use on weekend and she just wanted to know to balance her weekend. And it’s very easy to fall off the wagon if you don’t stick to the plan. Well done DD for losing weight it’s the hardest thing to do and maintain. How hard is it to just pick a restaurant.

Agree, The girl was overweight and is working with a nutrionalist. So it likely was quite a lot overweight, I personally would never deem to come on and start telling someone they should ease up or they have an eating disorder. are unreasonable and can’t beleive some of these other responses,

of course her family should support her, weight loss is tough at the best of times. Her father had one simple task. He should have done it.

toomanyy · 24/03/2024 08:51

Autienotnaughtie · 24/03/2024 08:29

Dd was overweight she is now following a strict plan in order to lose weight and be healthier. She works with a nutritionist. She wasn't bothered where we eat she just wanted to know which restaurant so she could plan her weekend.

Your dd is in the right, DH is being a lazy nob.

I low-carb and need to know what options there are in the restaurant so I totally understand where dd is coming from.

IsGoodIsDon · 24/03/2024 08:48

DH was being u reasonable.
I don’t think DD is being obsessive at all. Very popular and mainstream weight loss programs like slimming world and WW can let you save up syns etc to use on weekend and she just wanted to know to balance her weekend. And it’s very easy to fall off the wagon if you don’t stick to the plan. Well done DD for losing weight it’s the hardest thing to do and maintain. How hard is it to just pick a restaurant.

Emma543 · 24/03/2024 08:47

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 24/03/2024 08:42

It's really not that big a deal to spend a few minutes looking at a menu, and choose something aligned with your weight loss diet.

DD could have easily done this, at the restaurant, alongside everyone else reading the menu and choosing their food. Absolutely no need at all to have it all in advance.

It wouldn't have killed DH to move a little faster on this, but actually this is DD being precious.

Calculating macros especially when eating out isn’t always that easy.. it’s not like just looking at the calorie count.

pictoosh · 24/03/2024 08:45

There is something to be said for those who immediately and indiscriminately turn their failing into someone else's.
It's just such a nasty and selfish way to operate. Says far more about the person doing it than the one they're using to protect their ego.

NuffSaidSam · 24/03/2024 08:44

They're both being a bit silly, but it's all quite minor tbh!

Mumoftwo1312 · 24/03/2024 08:42

It's not really being fixated on food, to have a preference.

If he's not booking till last minute, so you end up having to go to Pizza Hut or something, I'd also want to scour the menu in advance for something I'd be willing to eat.

Channellingsophistication · 24/03/2024 08:42

DH is being unreasonable. Whether your DD wanted to plan her meal or not its a perfectly reasonable question for her to ask him. He shouldve sorted it earlier.

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 24/03/2024 08:42

It's really not that big a deal to spend a few minutes looking at a menu, and choose something aligned with your weight loss diet.

DD could have easily done this, at the restaurant, alongside everyone else reading the menu and choosing their food. Absolutely no need at all to have it all in advance.

It wouldn't have killed DH to move a little faster on this, but actually this is DD being precious.

Benchfulldog · 24/03/2024 08:41

Well, I’m not on a diet but like to have a look at the menu in advance if we’re eating out. Have a couple of options in my head. I think that’s pretty normal 🙃

Coconutter24 · 24/03/2024 08:41

Did your DH phone his parents the next day and make plans?

lifebeginsaftercoffee · 24/03/2024 08:38

I would be concerned if my child was that fixated on food that they were stressing about a meal at a restaurant three days in advance.

I don't think your DH is unreasonable in wanting to "go with the flow" a bit more.

walkerscrispsarethenuts · 24/03/2024 08:38

He should have booked before now anyway for a relatively large group.

He should also be supporting her. My son Is vegan so we take this into consideration when booking somewhere. It's not difficult.